The past 24-48 hours have been jam-packed with enormous mental and emotional stress and I am succumbing to feelings of desperation over finishing my summer term class in time and with a decent, non-failing grade (I just got my 2nd F on a test today) and frustration over my lack of wisdom when interacting with others in abrasive situations. I did not want to, but allowed myself to cry for a bit and started writing this in an attempt to not start it up again.
I truly wanted to find a way to squeeze past any form of negativity for at least a week straight. (Now you know my goal for my so-called happy stint) I am not saying that I thought I could actually be alive and enjoy blissful peace and rest for a week--no! What I did hope for was to find a way to not internalize the negativity around me. not allow it to take root in me and be AFFECTED by it. Why do I allow these unhealthy interactions to affect me so sorely? Why do I not take Spring and Summer off from school? Why?!
My pathetic, negative self would say: because I am a stupid overachiever that wants to fix stuff and do everything even though I can't do either of those things.
Yet-- my happy, more well-adjusted, not listening to the ridiculing crowd self says: because I have been struggling with life lately and I felt like taking a class or two might help me to focus on something other than my problems and in turn, I might be able to not participate in/nor contribute to the creation of as many unhealthy interactions.
One thing to always remember (me especially) is that you are only in charge of you. No one can force you to be unhappy. It is something you allow and perpetuate by choice.
Tomorrow, I will choose to continue on with my happy stint, perpetuating happiness despite the wrinkles in the plan. Tune in to see how that goes... Whimsical Wednesday should be interesting.
all things purple: Happiness