a good old-fashioned rag session about love

Love is one of the most perplexing things for me at the moment. Love takes on so many forms when considering all the ways in which we can apply it. I love my children; I love to write; I love photography—both taking photos and appreciating the work of others; I love going to school; I love learning; I love the gospel of Jesus Christ; I love reading good books; I love teaching; I love people; I love being loved. The tricky, mixed up part about love for me right now is how I am torn in so many directions due to one particular soul not loving me. It is as if I have forgotten how to love all the other parts of my life and I struggle to keep going.


A few of the issues that are on my mind are real things, while some are just me being a crazy woman. My name, which has been mine for nearly half my lifetime, will no longer belong to me soon. I have not been called by my maiden name in forever, so I feel out of place. I feel out of place for other reasons too. I have said it before—I feel like unclaimed baggage (see A bit of small talk). I wish I could put a sign on my front saying: Divorced. Four children. Wounded. Religious. Passionate about too many things. Please take care of me. Will love for love.

I doubt that anyone will ever actually see me because they will need to accept or look past a ginormous pile of stuff in order to really commit to taking me on for forever. (We won't even go into how he'll just have to embrace my blessed obsession with purple.)

Will anyone ever feel like my happiness is essential to his own? I am more than convinced it will take divine intervention.


1 comment:

  1. The longest romantic relationship I ever had was about 2.5 years, but it still killed me when she broke up with me. I'm sure I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through now!

    I'm sure any advice I give you is stuff you already know, but make sure you focus on loving God, loving your children, and loving yourself. Don't dwell on things you are unable to change. It's important to have a positive attitude, but it is also important to talk to others about your sadness, anger, etc. You just don't want to dwell on those feelings too much :)

    Oh, and I'm pretty sure ALL healthy, romantic relationships require a little divine intervention for them to happen! :)

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