Anticipation

Do you ever get so full of anticipation that when you finally get what you were anticipating you actually mess things up?

Well, even if you don't, I do. It is as if my nature forces me into anti-climactic situations just to keep life brutally real. I am at a loss for competent words it hurts so much. I wanted everything to be beautiful and lovely and full of peace, but no--there was crying, complaining, and, the most stabbing of all, indifference. I do not know how much longer I can keep going like this. I no longer wonder about how some people just give up and run away. My mother's heart is now also quite wounded, but not beyond healing ability. I try to focus on the fact that I have been true to them and keep on praying that time will teach us how to deal with the difficult situations more positively.

I don't think I want to lose hope although I am sorely tempted to do so today. The battle is waging onward and I am hardly able to keep up...hardly able to breathe...


1 comment:

  1. Repeat after me: "I CAN do hard things!" ;) I know the situation is frustrating right now, but it WILL get better. You are an amazing woman and an extremely loving, patient mother - and in spite of your doubts and feelings of inadequacy, your children do love you! They are just going through a difficult time now too. Just keep your head up and remember how strong you truly are. Heavenly father loves you and WILL grant you the strength you need to get through this. Love you. :)

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