There are days when I think I am doing so well. Then, disillusionment hits, and there are days when I feel how terribly awkward and ridiculous I am in the eyes of some people. My ex, for example, said that people don't actually like me; that I am irritating, but no one wants to tell me to my face so they just put up with me; that I talk too much. And today, I am keenly aware of how he is right in many ways. Not entirely, but to a degree. I am just a different sort of person and not everyone gets along with this variety of different, I guess.
I ask myself what I could do differently, but I can't see what I could change without going against my core. I need to stop being such a freakin' jerk though. That's one thing that might help. I keep on trying to stop and I keep on reacting badly to my world.
I feel so stupid that I could crawl under a rock.
I ask myself what I could do differently, but I can't see what I could change without going against my core. I need to stop being such a freakin' jerk though. That's one thing that might help. I keep on trying to stop and I keep on reacting badly to my world.
I feel so stupid that I could crawl under a rock.
Your post is a reminder that we all have moments when we question who we are, what we are doing and how we can be "all we can be." Those of us who look "critically" at ourselves and others see far more than those who just glean at the surface of their lives. I hope you can go for a walk, massage, or do whatever it takes to help you find your inner peace that you so deserve and need. PS Don't let your ex rule your mind. You are an amazing writer with keep insight as well as many, many, many, other amazing intersecting identities!
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is so refreshing, and yet I am left believing that you are not as you represent yourself here. We all have those moments. It is part of being human.
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