striking

At times, I can hardly bear being in this skin
This self-assured, self-deceiving, presumptuous skin
Being who I am and how I am and what I am
Distinctly different, dangerously audacious
I sicken even myself and plot a means to flee
But I stay to witness the burning barn, unwilling to leave

With a blazing rush of energy, I take on the day
Either in embers, sparks, or full on fire
My path is lit up by this fever that is my way
Scorching, torching, and smothering
Pick the poison of the passing moment
To partake of this rare form of prime punishment

Loving so hard and forever that it incinerates my very thoughts
Standing afar off in feigned occupation—self-prescribed seclusion
With the informed assumption that no one will come
I do not understand why, despite my full admission
That charred to a crisp fear continually follows in my wake

Never to be gifted the sacrificial endeavor of truly being seen
And yet—I tarry to sweep the darkened, aubergine horizon
Finding the flicker of the far off sun's ever burning rays
I catch my breath, labored and bated, with the sting of ascertained truth
That I began to love you before we ever met, and I will not and wish not to stop
Even if you never assume the part of the match that started all of this—I still burn