my sad summer

I'm in denial, guys. This slice of life is my last one before teaching begins again, and I don't feel ready. And then I think to myself when does anyone feel ready? Ready is part perspective and part preparation. So now I'm thinking that I am completely correct with that definition. My perspective bites the dust, and I have so much still left to do to be prepared. On the perspective front, this first summer break since becoming a teacher has not been fun. It has not been a break at all. Just different garbage to sort through. That said, I'm not feeling rejuvenated, and I really wish at least a bit of my original plans could have come about.

It's not like you have to have fun to be rejuvenated, but it sure does help, and I had my heart set on a couple of things that just didn't happen. Times like these are when setting goals does you no good except to learn that not everyone likes what you like or wants what you want. And you just have to take one for the team, and sometimes the team is you. 

Taking time to relax and what bits of fun I was able to scrounge up this summer weren't enough to tide me over until Christmas, that's for sure. And while I was able to salvage my perspective a handful of times, I must officially deem this my sad summer. Every time I turned around, fresh problems were waiting to be solved, and many couldn't be. New troubles arising and old difficulties having to be faced without reprieve is not part of any happy time I've ever experienced, so I will simply accept the fact that sometimes things are sad. Positivity is what I strive toward regularly, but you can't sugar coat everything. That's called lying to yourself. 

My pen longs to write of happier times because there is no other way to see them. I will find my bliss. I will no longer be sad. I will let go of the things that are not mine to take responsibility for. I will cling to the joy that is mine to be had. 

And now I will close the book on this sad summer and look forward to the crispness of autumn and the hope that somehow next summer will hold more treasure than tears.