There's a very important ingredient in raising teenagers, and that's talking: being able to talk about hard things, letting them talk about hard things, sometimes talking and letting them talk about simple and happy things too. Overall, the theme is keeping the talking going. As soon as no one is talking, the overthinking and misunderstandings begin to rule, and no one wants that.
So anyway. There was a big talk that happened at my house the other day, and we talked about so many things. Truly, there was hardly anything that was not discussed at least in part. That stated, you can imagine that some of those hard to say and hard to hear things were said. Many actually. But there was one thing that I wish I could make better yet can't right now.
My child was saying how they want me to find someone who wants to help me and love me and them. They were crying and upset, blaming me for my singleness as if I don't do enough to meet people and cultivate meaningful relationships with the people I already talk with. I can hardly tell you how heartbroken these words sounded as they were uttered. And I can hardly say how much more lonely and heartbroken I am since hearing them. I can't even say how undesirable I have felt.
No harm was intended at this commentary—only care and wishing and hoping for my happiness and theirs—yet in hearing how ineffectual my conduct has been, I only felt the sting of my situation further. It has compounded my understanding of the power of choice and how no one has to love you except your parents. It is too much.
You know what else is a bit too much? Getting chastised by your child for not finding someone who isn't their birth father to help you. I never thought I'd ever hear that one. It's something to be thankful for, I think.
So anyway. There was a big talk that happened at my house the other day, and we talked about so many things. Truly, there was hardly anything that was not discussed at least in part. That stated, you can imagine that some of those hard to say and hard to hear things were said. Many actually. But there was one thing that I wish I could make better yet can't right now.
My child was saying how they want me to find someone who wants to help me and love me and them. They were crying and upset, blaming me for my singleness as if I don't do enough to meet people and cultivate meaningful relationships with the people I already talk with. I can hardly tell you how heartbroken these words sounded as they were uttered. And I can hardly say how much more lonely and heartbroken I am since hearing them. I can't even say how undesirable I have felt.
No harm was intended at this commentary—only care and wishing and hoping for my happiness and theirs—yet in hearing how ineffectual my conduct has been, I only felt the sting of my situation further. It has compounded my understanding of the power of choice and how no one has to love you except your parents. It is too much.
You know what else is a bit too much? Getting chastised by your child for not finding someone who isn't their birth father to help you. I never thought I'd ever hear that one. It's something to be thankful for, I think.
How wonderful that you can have this kind of chat. I always had to remember that sometimes kids project their own wishes onto us, and not all wishes can come true. Hang in.
ReplyDeleteI don't have teenagers, yet. But you're on to something about keeping those lines of communication open. Even if the conversations are hard.
ReplyDelete