I want you to know

I don't cry every day anymore.
There's a hole where you lived
In my heart,
But the tears finally dried up.

That said, I can't say that I'm not sad
Or disappointed
Or a little more broken than before;
I ache all of my waking hours.

I've learned to live with it though.
I've learned to live without dreaming
Of you or an us.
I've become accustomed to ignoring my heart.

You never let me in,
And I'm sorry I imagined that you did.
Looking back, I still don't understand though.
I don't imagine I will ever understand.

Why didn't you let yourself love me
When you know it was all there—
The ingredients for making love new
Like bread, every day.

Why wouldn't you let yourself care enough
To dissolve the walls that trap you





*This poem was found in my drafts folder, obviously unpublished, from May 4, 2017. I have left it as-is because as I read through it now five months later, I know that it would cost too much to write more of it. It's all true. It's still true. Decide for yourself if you believe it is unfinished or less true than what you read.