to trust

I couldn't remember the last time I felt truly content for longer than momentarily until recent months. Honestly, life had just been that difficult for at least a decade. And then, something good came into my life. A window of affection. Not to say that I haven't had any interactions with men in over ten years because that is absolutely not true, but to be clear on what I mean, I haven't had a consistent stretch of affection given simply to be affectionate and connective.

It has been such a breath of fresh air and ray of pure sunshine for me. One person has been the giver of this fresh air. I was realizing it as such and cherishing him. Another thing I've realized is that I am my happiest self when treated affectionately. And yet, the window seems to be shutting again.

I don't know what to think of it all, but I will say that I trust that my heart knows what it knows. There were too many years of me second guessing myself, and I simply can't do it anymore. This said, I will continue to believe that this window will open again. Courage and hope have been wrapping around my heart like a comforter daily, or I wouldn't be so sure. I will trust that good and happy and tenderhearted things are in store for me. I will trust.