unexpected

If I were to sum up 2020 with one word, it would be unexpected. Who could have guessed our whole world would be turned upside down and shut down and permanently altered in many ways when January 2020 hit? But I also wonder who has had a year when you're not at least a somewhat new person by the end of it? As I have been considering how much has changed this particular year, I realize that each year that goes by brings a great deal of change. 2020 is no different, yet what changed and how deeply it has affected us collectively is the unexpectedness that has shocked us. Adversity seems to be around every corner with sickness, death, political strife, etc. That said, I'd like to focus on some of the unexpected goodness with a list: 

1. Being able to watch streamed concerts. The first one I watched was the Easter presentation from Milan, Italy with Andrea Bocelli. I felt the goodness of God surround me as the videographers took us around the city as well as other cities around the world to see everything slowed down and even still. 

2. Significantly more time with my children. This one was a challenge at times, yet overall, I believe it helped us to recognize how important we are to each other. 

3. Learning to better worship God at home. Talking about the gospel became more of a daily purpose. We began going on short road trips on Sundays to listen to sacred music, scriptures, and/or spiritual addresses.

4. Cooking new things. With being stuck at home, I had more time to cook, so I began looking up recipes that use items we had a lot of and didn't need anything else from the store when possible, and we had some really great food! I made sure to print off each recipe that we loved, and I'm going to compile a mini cookbook once this pandemic is over. 

5. Family History. Doing family history work had already been a hobby, but with being slowed down these past several months, I have made a point to really work at it. Over the summer, I treated it like a job where I'd dedicate whole shifts of time to the work. 

These five things are simply a handful of the unexpected good I found this year; there is so much more. 

The truth is that there has been a great deal of suffering; nevertheless, there has been an overwhelming amount of good to help us to carry on, for which, I am thankful. I haven't written much—at all—lately, but I hope this end the year reflection might help me learn, heal, and remember the unexpected good that came out of a hopefully once in a lifetime pandemic. 

the art of swerving

On the way to school, music was filtering throughout the car, and the sun was shining on beautifully fresh blue skies. The drive is always short and sweet, but today's was really working hard to charm. I approached an intersection, one of many on the route, one I have entered many times. Just part of a regular routine. The light was green, so driving smoothly through was a safe expectation. All was well and fine. 

Then, a driver coming from the opposite direction chose to make a left turn in front of me in the middle of the intersection. And not only did they turn in front of me but also the driver in the lane to me. 

What do we do when someone chooses to drive through our safe path, thus making it unsafe? We honk the horn, yell, slam our brakes avoiding collision, push on the gas pedal praying for more power, sometimes cry once all is done. Sometimes, there are minor injuries and damages to vehicles; while at other times, there can be major injuries that affect the rest of your life or even worse. Although most of the time when things like this happen, we don't get injured or hurt, but we can learn what to do better or to appreciate smooth sailing a little more.  

We have all encountered one of these drivers at some point in our lives, people who cut in front of our positive attitude and outlook, people who choose without thought of how they affect others. At times, we are the poor driver. In any case, we have also reacted in various ways. The gamut of responses to such offenses can be complicated—or is it? 

I learned a quick yet poignant lesson about how simple our response can be from my youngest who was in the car with me. 

That car was directly in front of me. With only a split second to check right, I could see the driver in that lane was farther into the intersection than me, causing the car turning in front of us to begin stopping to avoid collision, which gave me even less time to react well. So within that split second cut in half, I then looked ahead to see other options: I could hit the brakes as hard as possible and hope we didn't hit too hard and not get hit from behind or drive into the opposing traffic's left turn lane to get around the vehicle. In that split split second, I was also able to see far enough ahead that I could swerve around into the opposing traffic lane. And we made it through without causing a different major problem. 

Once the danger was past, I was freaking out about how that person made it so I almost had to hit their car or hit cars in opposing traffic. I was seriously upset. And it had been literally two minutes or less when my son tells me, "Why are you dwelling on it? It already happened." I was in freak out mode, so I freaked out on him asking, "How is it dwelling on it when it hasn't even been five minutes since it happened?!" But he persisted and repeated what he had said simply and matter-of-factly. 

I don't know about you, but my definition of dwelling on something is when the issue ruins my whole day or days or even longer. Not under any circumstance would I have thought that tripping on how terrifying the situation was for a minute afterward could qualify as dwelling on it. Alas, I stand corrected. That prompt to let it go without furthering the stress by pulling it apart and analyzing the inexcusable put it all in perspective within seconds. It was like a light switch was turned on, and I could see how blessed we were that I had enough time somehow to evaluate my obstacles when there was no time and swerve to safety. I was then immediately able to feel gratitude for the open lane on the opposite way, which is usually packed with a long line of cars wanting to turn left. Peace came quickly all because I didn't dwell on it for even one more second (once I listened to his advice).   

Another side of this is the idea that our circumstances are of our own making. That notion only goes so far with me. I've lived for too long with being acted upon despite my best efforts to buy into that idea. However, within our choice set that is ours and from time to time pinched and even thwarted by others, we always have the choice to swerve out of the way of negative thoughts. We can choose to not dwell on things that have no worth in helping us learn or progress. 

We never have to give more time to things that steal our peace. We can learn and cultivate the art of swerving. 

individual responsibility to the whole

While Henry David Thoreau’s essay “Civil Disobedience” is quite persuasive, the ability for his rhetoric to reach the masses gets diminished when faced with the faithlessness of our new society. Oftentimes, literary works are taken part and parcel while leaving the defining points unappreciated and ignored. Thoreau writes with political and religious zeal, which can be offensive to some people today. While this fact remains true, the spiritual aspects of “Civil Disobedience” have the potential to give the essay great persuasive power.

            

To begin, Thoreau words fit into time and space regardless of the politics or religious temperature of the era. In our post-postmodern world, the lack of respect for organized religion creeps in among the people at every chance. While the masses are rejecting “church,” spirituality has its foothold in most hearts and minds as seen from my experience. Thoreau attempts to appeal to this innate characteristic through scripture references and outright expectation of spiritual centering on the audience’s part. “Civil Disobedience” stands as an example of one of the best religious paradigms to influence such a vast audience. The spiritual perspective on a mainly secular topic catches the eye as well with great success. The world audience in favor of his essay has embraced the reminders of spirituality and the power within each person to make a difference.

            

As Thoreau could never know how far reaching his words would be, the power his influence for positivity seems miraculous. The simplicity of his message is the power. When addressing the audience, the importance of recognizing the majority’s goodness finds a home. He points out how a few people will never be above the majority, or in other words the lawmakers are not more important than the people they represent. In one section of the essay, Thoreau slides in a biblical reference when he states, “It is not so important that many should be as good as you, as that there be some absolute goodness somewhere; for that will leaven the whole lump” (Thoreau 5).  Familiarity with the biblical reference in 1 Corinthians 5:6-8 grants depth to the argument:

6 Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump? 

7 Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us: 

8 Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Thoreau not only expects the government to be the best it can be, but expects each individual to put forth a new and better self.  

    

        

The individual’s importance to the success of the whole proves an integral point within “Civil Disobedience.” The concept persuades us to recognize the impact each individual has on the world in general. Moral, political, and spiritual responsibility come into play when realizing the many aspects of the impact each person has on others. When he says, “Cast your whole vote, not a strip of paper merely, but your whole influence” (9), the cry for individual accountability and action can be heard. 

            

With his statement comes a question: Where has the individual fled? The media spits out what we should say, look, and act like, while many of our citizens follow its direction. The responsibility to self and country feels like an antiquated idea, yet in all reality the time to rise to the occasion has been long coming.  If we want to have individual rights, the individual must act for themselves and make a positive difference to ensure those rights are secure and available for future generations. Therefore, the individual acts as a representative of the group. The necessity of having goodness within the majority of each person is the key to successful interactions on the individual level, as well as on the group or representative plane. Good society must have individuals who choose to be considerate of their impact upon the whole. 

           

Another spiritual aspect of the individual is the neighbor concept. A neighbor can be the persons who live on either side of you or at least on the same street, yet it also has abstract implications. In Christian teachings, we are taught to love our neighbor as ourselves and so forth.  With this in mind, Thoreau’s statement, “ I saw to what extent the people among whom I lived could be trusted as good neighbors and friends; that their friendship was for summer weather only” (14) holds a sort of condemnation within it. To suppose he speaks of the few families living nearby is absurd. The deeper expectations of spiritual centeredness persuade with strength, while presenting the disappointment in reality as well. Summertime is warm and full of life—some might even say summer equals easier times. Who would choose to be a neighbor for sunshine only and not help others in times of shade and even desolate winter? In all his words, Thoreau holds out hope that no fellow American would purposely choose to be such a one. The hopefulness of Thoreau’s message enlivens again in conclusion, “I please myself with imagining a State at last which can afford to be just to all men, and to treat the individual with respect as a neighbor; which even would not think it inconsistent with its own repose…who fulfilled all the duties of neighbors and fellow-men” (18).  

            

With hope and good-will, the individual can do good things to change the entire make up of the group in which it finds membership. Government should be for the people and by the people as outlined by the Founding Fathers of this great nation. Our God-given agency also grants the ability to make a difference—to be an asset to community, society, and country. As each citizen embraces the inner need for spirituality and uses it for betterment and progress, the world in which we live can become (and remain) a gladsome, peaceful place to be. The call to rely on our Creator persuades with simple words and Henry David Thoreau gives a simple approach. In a complicated world, simplicity still has the ability to persuade with swiftness and ease as seen in “Civil Disobedience.” May we all take a moment to read or reread it with the lens of wanting to be part of the solution, part of freedom for all, part of true liberty. 

              

Sources

The Holy Bible. Web. 28 July 2020. <https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/1-cor/5?lang=eng>.

Thoreau, Henry D.  Civil Disobedience and Other Essays. “Civil Disobedience.”  1849. New

York:  Dover, 1993. Print.

hope

We cannot go back
Time continues to plod on
Look ahead instead

erased

Distracted, disdain
Caring about the wrong things
Canvas lost to pain

a long story short

Enter at the gate,
They said.
The lights will shine on you,
They said.
The way is not so treacherous,
They said.
The night will not go on so long,
They said.
The dawn will come again,
They said.
Yet dawn did not come for a very long time,
The narrator interjected.
Your heart will be alright someday,
She said.

keep going

Who knows how to keep going
When you cannot see in front of you?
Who has the strength to carry on
Even though the world's gone dark for you?

He built a house without knowing
What it would look like.
He built a legacy with his two bare hands
Not knowing how far it would go.

He fought and sacrificed and worked and gave
His whole life not knowing in the end
Just what it would look like,
Who he would help.

Who makes a difference every day?
They who keep on going.



—

For my great-grandfather Francis and my grandfather Howard.

this valley

Rocks along the shoreline
Never kept me from the goal,
Yet somehow I seem to feel
More barefooted than I ever
Have before.

Cloudy days and
War torn dreams
Set a pace I
Never wanted
For myself.

A valley filled
With tears until
They lap upon the shore
Is where I find myself
Alone—

Sitting at its edge.

find some

Standing in a field surrounded
Unable to see past here and now
Steeped in the past
Steeped in hurt

Until one day
All the world turned green and purple
Filled with love and chances
Filled with hope

Standing on the threshold of the future
Noticing how nothing really changed
Recognizing the problem has always been
Perspective

invitation to act

Open it
Read it
Read it again
Take the time to notice
The nuances of the words
The paper and its fragrance
Hold it
Answer it
With actions
Again and again
Write the rest of the story
That started with
A note

somehow

Popping up out of nowhere
Seemingly
Showing up without an invitation
Or did they
Planning for the future
One day at a time
Springing toward the sunshine
While facing the dark
And it all works out
Somehow
Remember that
It all works out
Tell yourself
Again and again
It all works out

hang in there

Where do we go
     from here
What happens
     next
Some people
     laugh
Some people
     cry
Some people
     fight
Some people
     try
All we really need is
     peace

class of 2020

Everyday details
Swept away
Instantly
By an invisible
Monster
Stealing away
Voluntarily
Though unwillingly
Things
We never thought
Would change
Sports games
Theatre performances
Competitions
Friends in hallways
Dances and dates
Driving in cars together
Laughing and passing
Notes from hand to hand
Memories
Never to be made
Even lockers
Did not seem
So very special
Before



—

For my students past and present graduating this year.
I see you. I care. I love you.

dying tradition

Crayons and colors
Laughter mixed with memories
Everything changing

getting through

Sunlight is getting through every single day
Even though the clouds are heavy without a break
The light permeates the heartbroken landscape
Even if through pinholes in the persistent dark

Light and dark take turns these days
Yet the light will always win
With every shining ray of warming sun
Yet still we keep turning back forgetting how this goes

Spring reminds us
Dragging us into the warmth of God's love
Shouting at us to look at all the happiness
Waiting for us to soak it up and hold on for more

Spring and sunlight
Getting us through
If we will let them
Show us the way to Him 

can we

Can we just go back or fast forward
Can we reach behind to grab some joy
Can we pack it in a basket to use right now

Can we step aside and let this pass
Can we take a road that is not ours
Can we walk together again soon

Can we hold onto something we have yet to see
Can we reach for something we do not know
Can we change the trajectory we were on for good

Can we grasp the idea of tradition made new
Can we generalize our joy into the everyday
Can we move with authenticity and purpose for the future

Can we find a way to stop looking back
Can we look ahead with pure happiness
Can we pick up hope like pebbles on our path

Can we give more thought with our whole souls
Can we strive toward peace and harmony
Can we have peace on earth without a holiday

Can we love better
Can we reach higher
Can we be exceptional

discolored

It could have been so good
With every hue and line
Matching up
Making history
Caught on heartstrings
A genuine masterpiece
In the making
But it takes more than
A nice palette
To create a canvas
Worth holding onto
And it only takes
A few errant strokes
To discolor and disarrange
Something that could have been
So good

prepare yourselves

missing from the routine
created to gather more peace
like harvesting happiness
in spring everlasting

calling to us
beckoning to be ready
soon—it will be soon
to return and receive

popped

Lie in wait no more
Bursting from your frozen home
Firecracker pop

all

I don't have a lot to give;
I never really have,
But I reach to give
All I can
And love
With all I am.

always with her

Clothed in love and hope,
She looks upon the world with care.
She breathes in the worries
And exhales hopes and dreams.

Encircled by the warmth of the past,
She walks with strength upon the cold grass.
She finds her footing among the broken rocks
And lengthens her stride along the unknown path.

Covered in redemption and the glory of the Lord,
She faces the future with boundless joy.
She climbs mountains and crosses every river
And remembers her Savior and God are with her.

Easter

Tradition is good
Except when everyone is growing
Up and
Life is upside
Down.

Inventing something
New
To reach young hearts
Now.

Taking something they
Know and
Finding a path.

Easter is
Here.

Offering praise.

everyday things

When time runs out,
What will you leave
For others to find?

When your last day arrives,
What will they think
Of the things you left behind?

Little things might get overlooked or mean the world
Such as handkerchiefs and candlesticks,
Ornaments and letters never sent.

But what about the photographs without names,
The piles of scraps of paper and fabric and lace?
What about the just started journals barely written in?

There is so much,
Too much sometimes,
To remember or count.

When times runs out for me,
I hope you find more than things.
I hope you find the love I gave in every day for you.

Friday

Teacher, Master, Him
Grief and pain turned victory
Sacrifice divine

it all adds up

It's not a big thing, but it is a gesture.
A gesture of care and hope for the future.
What can we give when words fall short?
What can we do to show what's in our heart?

Little things.
Small and thoughtful,
Simple yet purposeful.
That's what you give and do
When life is throwing curveballs
Left and right
All day
Every day.

Focus on the little things
Because when added up
They become everything
That helps to fill our cups.

each day

blurred
smudged
uncertain

bright
light
certain

persevere
past
unknowns

walk
into
today

watchful
prayerful
hopeful

be
a
light

get some rest

Is it okay to be tired?
Give yourself permission to stop
Thinking too much
Loving people who don't love you back
Holding your breath—
For anything or anyone to come around

It is okay to be tired
But it isn't okay to give up
Doing your best
Keep thinking of others
Keep loving those who will let you
Keep breathing

You are tired now,
So rest.

purple dreams

Standing in place and moving ahead
At the same time;
Walking away and walking toward something—
All in the same breath.

Purple dreams do not wait.

Dreams that push and prod—and entreat
To do big things in small ways
Small steps toward the dream
To do big things in small ways.

Purple dreams stay.

Dreams that take root in your heart like concrete
To tread on and make your way
Toward something wonderful
And real.

Purple dreams  awake.

The Painter

Selfless reflection
Gloriously triumphant
Masterpiece sublime