My family dynamic that I was born into is complicated, but to simplify a bad situation that I did not create, I am the oldest of my siblings, the only girl, and I have five younger brothers. This pack of brothers of mine have meant the world to me since I have been able to have a recollection of our time together. Growing up, we had good times and bad times and everything in between like all siblings, but something that has always been dear to me in my memory of them is how we had so much fun together playing outside in our backyard, swinging on the swings, running around chasing each other, giving and going for rides on the riding lawn mower, sword fighting with sticks, climbing on the wood pile, and so much more.
The first of two of my favorite memories where I was the leader of the pack in our backyard is when we were pouring any and all cleaning agents from under my parents' bathroom sink in and around a giant anthill we had discovered in the way back of our acre property and trying to light it on fire. I was pretty young, but I knew how to read and was scanning the containers for the word flammable. I made sure my little brothers kept a safe distance because, while we did want to destroy the ants, I did not want anyone to get hurt. We did not meet much success at burning out the anthill, but a bit of flame did happen probably after the bleach, I think. And everyone was safe from the chemicals I felt for sure were very dangerous since they had the word flammable on them. I remember feeling so big and responsible for keeping my little brothers safe from getting burned.
The other favorite memory with my little brothers in the backyard was when I had a friend over and our dad gave me permission to make a tiny fire with twigs on our concrete slab that ended with me cooking bacon and eggs for everyone (including my dad who never questioned why he had a plate of bacon and eggs delivered to him by one of my brothers) over what turned into a large fire and my little brothers running around that fire and being handed pieces of bacon from the pan as they finished cooking like a wild scene with the Lost Boys from Peter Pan. We were having the time of our lives. And then—mom came home. I do not recall her being angry that a bonfire was lit in her backyard by her approximately 8 or 9-year-old daughter who was encouraging her sons to run around a fire like maniacs but because I had used her good frying pan, and she was livid about that. I was so busted. Her good pan was a stainless steel with copper bottom Revereware, so anyone who knows what that is knows full well she had every right to be ticked. Now that I know what that is, I would have gone ballistic on my children! But I digress.
I share these two top tier moments in time to show how I have loved being the ringleader of my little brothers who are not little anymore. In fact, we are all so grown up now that we hardly have a moment for adventure and have not all been together in the same space for many years. Each of them have special gifts and talents they bring to our family and in the world where they have shared them, and I am thankful to be alive long enough to look back and see how far we all have come and what a difference they have made for so many including myself. Each of my little brothers have taken turns being there for my children as they were growing up, and I am extra thankful for those times when we needed their time and presence.
Their presence in my life has made me who I am as the oldest of our pack and the only sister. Their love and trust have pushed me to be brave and strong. Their kindness and forgiveness have pushed me to be my better self at every turn. I am thankful for these five now grown men who have blessed me and my children more than I can find words to express it all.
