Every year I think things will be better. And every year they aren't.
My mother passed away on this date twelve years ago now. I don't sit around moping and crying all the time, so don't think that. Life has certainly moved on because it must and it's mentally and emotionally healthy to do so; however, I seem to miss her more each year. I don't cry more than I did in those first days and months—I don't think that is humanly possible—but the sense of loss and wanting to see her again grows. I see how my children aren't getting the love and hugs that she once gave to the first two. I catch myself wishing she were here to help me. Her presence is sorely missed when there are accomplishments. I believe that her presence is near, but there is absolutely nothing like sharing the same air, getting a real life physical hug, and hearing someone say I love you. That scenario has been far too long absent from my life.
She had her shortcomings, everyone does, but she had such a vibrant personality that it outshone the flaws. My mother taught me how to give and love and live. I am thankful to have her example to draw from as my life keeps twisting and turning.
I'm pretty sure I break my own heart every year with these reflections, but if I didn't take the time to express my love for her, I'd be cheating myself too.
Here's a few links that you might like to read:
The Best White Bread Recipe Yet Written
The Best Mostaccioli Recipe Yet Written
The Best Pumpkin Cookie Recipe Yet Written
Beautifully expressed. I don't believe one ever stops missing the physical absence of a loved one. Your words are a lovely tribute to your mom. Thanks for sharing such emotion with us.
ReplyDeleteI have my mom, but I miss who she was. The aging process is hard...I can still hug her, but me I miss getting those generous hugs. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. xo nanc
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you can write about your special. It keeps her memory alive...another important reason to write.
ReplyDeleteVery touching.
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