When I consider all the things I am powerless over in life, it gets disheartening beyond my ability to cope. I look at the path I am on and I want to run away from it all. I want to scream. How does one get to these sorts of hellish crossroads? It all comes on so smoothly that it would not appear to have been such a craggly, painfully jagged journey--one that has burned a hole in my tenderest of feelings and made ill use of the best I have to give. The loveliness of the finest moments had always been tainted by association, yet somehow I never realized how I had been working so tirelessly to look past the bad and see life with my rose-colored glasses. The effort is what exhausted me in the first place; the glasses shattered from overuse. To be more accurate, my hopefulness (which is somehow part of me and I cannot get rid of it) has been used up in this one area. I keep catching myself entertaining sparks of hope for other areas of life, even for other people, but there is not even a fraction of an ember left for this. The bridge has been burned. Ten times over, it has been burned. Almost daily, fuel gets force fed to the long dead flame and it is smothering everything and nothing that could never ever in a million lifetimes entice me to hope again. It is negativity on top of negativity, making so little sense that it just has to be left alone to deal with itself. It is sheer madness to give it any thought whatsoever. I am weary of allowing my heart to go on so disheartened. Recognizing that I have power to choose the direction I take at every turn, this crossroads was part of those choices; therefore, I shall choose again. I shall cut out the cankerous wounds and allow the healing balm of faith, hope, and charity to do their work. I refuse to run away. I might do a bit of yelling from time to time (yet only with very close friends). And I shall own this crossroads. Gladly.
...and the list goes on
The confidence of others; getting of a kiss from someone who adores me; a kind word on a less than good day; getting to the top of a trail in time to see the sun peek out over the horizon; watching the sun melt into the sea while breathing in the brisk salty air; getting a letter in the mail from anyone, yet most especially from someone who knows how much I love it; hope in every good thing coming to me in good time; getting to know my mother enough to truly love her before she died; the privilege of becoming a mother and realizing it is a gift; getting to know the many people that I can honestly call my friends; a smile on the face of someone I love because I helped put it there; getting into the car at the beginning of a roadie no matter the destination; the clean and beautiful sense of peace which abides in my heart ever since I recognized who I am and where I belong and did something about it; getting over the heartaches of life long enough to taste happiness; learning how to use language in such a way that leaves no doubt of my meaning; getting away with being brainless and intelligent all in the same conversation; the touch of a caring hand as it encircles mine in moments of lamentation as well as the most luminescent joys; getting to hear a long lost voice on the other end of the line because I was not forgotten; seeking beauty in its several forms; writing; loving; wishing; giving; receiving; dreaming of and remembering you are what I have lived for...
TwitterVerse: Vol. V
#Haiku
Love's oblivion . engulfs and drowns out all sound . deafening silence
between you and I . lies something overwhelming . legendary kiss
sorrows rain down . drizzle showering downpours . soaking them clear through
writing broken words . pasting them all together . hope you comprehend
night falls upon us . lifting hearts beyond their dreams . until we awake
singly elusive ~ outside of my reach for now ~ Where have you gone, love?
old memories new . complicated wishfulness. heart-wrenching madness
dragon-like feeling ~ fire burning to white hot ~ a personal hell
ever wakeful thoughts ~ blurred beyond recognition ~ relentless battle
climbing playground toys ~ Childhood personified ~ sugar-laced and wired
drifting between lines . uprepared for emotions . caught in purple dreams
#Poetry
There is a little something/that no one likes to say/ A part of life now missing/ once thought trivial but no/ the loveliness of kissing
a loving word given in peace/ comforting embraces/ happy smiling faces
dreams written on the page/ only to be burned/ in the sunlight of your day/ lighting the bleakness of what I learned
I sigh as I see you writhe/ grief's grip guides me to your side/ desiring love's fire to be enough/ to get you past her selfish rebuff
wanting, warm embraces/from my future love/may you fill holes never filled/ you are all I think of/waiting, longing/you will be enough
I see you living bravely and/ the heartaches you must have known/ let me fill in the cracks/ and mend your ragged edges
I have a story to tell/ although you might/ not like to hear it/ I am pretty sure I fell/ for you last night/ some embers were lit
in a trance/ they began to dance/ colliding paths only by chance/ pricking her heart with love's lance
We may duplicate words/yet no one can duplicate/the soul which feels them/Speak with your heart/all the time/and words shall be thine
my muse has left me to myself ~ words will not find me ~ I cannot write
Every disheartening blow ~ knocked me off my feet ~ took my breath away ~ it looks like he won ~ by TKO #trilogy
As I gather what's left ~ of me I get up for one last round ~ before time runs out ~ I refuse to remain bereft #trilogy
Shining through the sadness ~ see me strike out on my own ~ I can do better than just make it ~ I will embody gladness #trilogy
trapped beneath a pile of books/ she looks around to see/ how he never really loved/ but shoved her gift away #trilogy
They pay each time their eyes should meet/ a feat of nature gone awry/ though shy, attraction fills the room #trilogy
love looms all around/the ground seems far beneath/her wreath of beauty could surround/feels bound instead/he read her book wrong #trilogy
#SixWords
love breathes life into my life
on the threshold of joy unbound
leaping head first into the future
you hearten me more than words allow #sixwordsplusone
#Collaborative
Electrifying ~ madness of my fav'rite sort ~ blind adoration #haiku
drives me farther/ into myself waiting/ for a ride/ home into your heart
To make you want me/ would be to take out the gift/ of love given/ with a whole heart/ and longing in each moment
They touched each day before they left/ leaving a spot of shade where they once were/ models of love and how to be
a river of spoken, written, and unspoken knowing . here in place without time . forever moving together . wishing
without understanding ~ no learning ~ without learning ~ no peace
as we connect/ through words/ our worlds colliding/ writing, thinking/ understanding, learning/ attaining unworldly peace
It is heartening to see/ a man writing words/ sounds succinct and full of love/ compete with songbirds
Who needs a composition to compete with such sweetness? Friendship goes deeper, than poetry can write, in its completeness
cute, cute, cute!
dreams and hope
To tell you too much, I have been having the most fantastically vivid and yet realistic dreams the past couple weeks. My heart and mind are on hyper drive with all the change in the air--ever since that day in court, actually. It is as if I had a dam built up against all the dreams and the floodgates were lowered that night. I really have not enjoyed such poignant and hopeful dreams in a very long time. I don't know what to do with them.
So anyways. I have thought it all over way lots by now and decided that my dream was good. This day has been full of energy and positive thoughts. My focus has been on all the possibilities held within my visions of happiness and I won't begrudge myself hopefulness any longer!
Official Adventure Day
Today was absolutely packed with adventure and drama. I invited seven extra children to come play, so when we do our math it means that I had eleven children scampering about for a large portion of the day--and it wasn't even anyone's birthday for crying out loud. (Just call me crazy. I don't mind.)
My house was already messy when the troops arrived, but holy hurricane! You should have seen what the family room looked like before I had everyone who didn't make any of the mess help clean it up. I am so grateful for all of their selfless assistance (even if it was begrudged by a few of them). I would have wanted to cry when everyone left otherwise, so it was invaluable.
Whilst the hurricane was happening, one of my sister-in-laws had come over so we could make jam: apricot-apricot, raspberry-apricot, pineapple-apricot, and blueberry-apricot. The blueberry-apricot turned out to be yumalicious and purplicious all in the same jar. (see photo) Continuing, I believe the jam-making contributed a great deal to the strength of the hurricane due to the adults also making a raving mess in the kitchen--I keep shuddering at the thought of how sticky my hands got.
With pillow fights getting started and then stopped (by crying and sergeant mom), video games being played, crafts and makeup being done, toys being strewn all over the place (I mean getting played with), movies being watched, camping trips being prepared for, and not to mention the loads of fruit being boiled to death for hours on end, everyone had something to do. When I stop to think on it, I am amazed that everyone actually had fun and it wasn't mere chaos.
One more thing--there has also been a fire ablaze on the hillside a few miles south of where I live. I have not been able to stop pondering on the situation and have drawn breaths of prayer all day long for the firefighters and all the evacuated families.
It was wonderful to spend time with family and friends today, making jam and messes, playing and talking. I also feel exceedingly grateful to be safe in my home. I will continue to pray for those more closely affected by the fire.I hope you might feel inclined to join me.
My house was already messy when the troops arrived, but holy hurricane! You should have seen what the family room looked like before I had everyone who didn't make any of the mess help clean it up. I am so grateful for all of their selfless assistance (even if it was begrudged by a few of them). I would have wanted to cry when everyone left otherwise, so it was invaluable.
Whilst the hurricane was happening, one of my sister-in-laws had come over so we could make jam: apricot-apricot, raspberry-apricot, pineapple-apricot, and blueberry-apricot. The blueberry-apricot turned out to be yumalicious and purplicious all in the same jar. (see photo) Continuing, I believe the jam-making contributed a great deal to the strength of the hurricane due to the adults also making a raving mess in the kitchen--I keep shuddering at the thought of how sticky my hands got.
With pillow fights getting started and then stopped (by crying and sergeant mom), video games being played, crafts and makeup being done, toys being strewn all over the place (I mean getting played with), movies being watched, camping trips being prepared for, and not to mention the loads of fruit being boiled to death for hours on end, everyone had something to do. When I stop to think on it, I am amazed that everyone actually had fun and it wasn't mere chaos.
One more thing--there has also been a fire ablaze on the hillside a few miles south of where I live. I have not been able to stop pondering on the situation and have drawn breaths of prayer all day long for the firefighters and all the evacuated families.
It was wonderful to spend time with family and friends today, making jam and messes, playing and talking. I also feel exceedingly grateful to be safe in my home. I will continue to pray for those more closely affected by the fire.I hope you might feel inclined to join me.
PTGS - Goodbye School, Hello Summer
I invite anyone, truly anyone, to participate in the Personhood of the Traveling Grape Soda. It would be a pleasure to see where Crush might go. Leave a comment if you would like more information. And check out the other PTGS posts. It's fun stuff.
reaching goals
Journey to the Fringe: Victorious!
First, it is Kellie Swofford Nielsen's debut novel and what a novel to kick off a career with! The title and cover were eye-catching and I just had this feeling about it. I could feel the magic within.
What I Liked Most:
The action-packed storyline was refreshing. With boulder-throwing, sword fights, betrothal, and betrayal, the story takes you on quite a wild ride once you get into it. The princesses break the mold of what a princess should be like and I believe this is a valuable asset to book 1 in a trilogy. (Oh. And by the way--Journey to the Fringe is book 1 in the Stone Mage Wars trilogy.) Who wants to sit through reading three books where you have already heard their story a thousand times over in other books and movies? Not me. The Princesses Ivy and Mara are fleshed out in the most surprising ways and I cannot wait to see what happens in the next book.
What I Didn't Like So Much:
In my opinion, the book starts off slow. I don't really know what could be done to remedy the issue (since it's in print already it ridiculous to even think on it, I say), but the slowness can be attributed to the amazing characterization Nielsen sets up for the rest of this book and the rest of the trilogy. After reading through it entirely, I am able to see she was setting up a strong foundation for a strong and vibrant story. So, in other words, keep reading. It gets really good.
My favorite short quote:
She [Gilda Reed, a witch who cannot perform magic] was packed but still had no idea where she would go.
I adore this quote because she took action when she really did not know what to expect, yet could feel the need to do something to prepare. It made me think about how I have packed my trunks, so to speak, in the hope for adventure, love, and happier days. I, too, am waiting for what life brings to me, taking necessary actions in order to be ready for life's gifts and challenges.
My favorite long quote:
Today, I especially want to honor the men and women who lie at my feet, literally and in spirit, those who gave their lives so we could stand here today, the sun on our faces and the morning air in our lungs, free from fear and able to make a new start.
-- Princess Ivy
I would like to especially thank the author for these particular words. They are a gift to me.
Thoughts of all the people who have made sacrifices for me rushed through my heart after reading it--family, those I know and those who have been long gone, and friends whose care runs so deep I know we will be friends into the eternities. All the encouragement toward goodness that I may recognize and feel the sun on my face has come to me from these people. Remembrance of those who have made my freedom possible is brought to the front of my mind as well. The freedom to think, say, and write what I choose is a precious gift.
So, in short, Journey to the Fringe is a tale of intense intrigue and creativity, and therefore, a must read. I hope you enjoy it as well as I did.
Here's a link or two to get a copy right away:
Deseret Book
Amazon
OR
If you're patient (and/or a giveaway junkie), you may enter to win a FABULOUS hardbound copy from me! Just look for the Rafflecopter widget at the top of this site and enter! It runs through Saturday at 9:00 p.m. (PDT), so spread the word to your friends and family.
A Dying Courtesy
I had never thought much about language change except to complain about it. In
fact, prior to dissecting the language I speak, read, and write through the
introduction of linguistics to my coursework, I subscribed quite heavily to the
prescriptivist and current anti-borrowing camps into which many conservative
Americans fall (owing much of my perspective to a diligent grammarian-type
mother).
The
big debate between prescriptivists and descriptivists is about perspective.
When contemplating the idea that language change is language decay, I realized
it is fraught with pessimism when looking at the evolution of the English
language. The American linguist, William Labov, has outlined three factors in
language change: internal, social, and cognitive (How English Works, Curzan 23). These changes are
nothing new. A general study of how much English has changed from the 5th
century to present day would show enormous differences, even so many that we
can hardly comprehend Old English without a deciphering table on hand. These
considerations prove how the concept of concrete grammar rules is futile.
In
the course of my several communications, I have noticed something that is
incongruent with usage rules taught to me by my mother. Throughout my
childhood, we were told I don’t know—can
you? whenever my siblings or I would say Can I..? instead of the considered more polite and well-mannered May I…? when asking for something or
permission. I have perpetuated this tradition with my own children because I,
too, believe that asking May I…?
contributes to good society. But does it, really?
Informal
observations have led me to believe that either expression is appropriate since
intent and tone of voice typically matter a great deal more than actual words,
yet I wanted to explore the issue in more depth. My research has been simple. I
conducted a one-question poll on this blog All Things Purple, of which I am the
author/owner, for two weeks, wrote a blog entry: Your Assistance is Kindly Requested asking the readership to
participate and provide their reasoning, and held casual interviews with a few
close friends regarding their philosophies on the Can I vs. May I topic.
The poll question was: When making a request, would you typically
say Can I ...? or May I ...? Out of 59 participants 44%
said they use Can I…?; only 13% use May I…?; and 42% said they use either
one, depending on the situation or to whom they are talking. The poll was not
as widespread as I would have liked but it does reflect my casual observations.
In the
responses found in the comments section of the blog post, 3 out of 7 people
cited the I don’t know—can you? rule
as being a big factor in their upbringing; therefore, those individuals chose
either the May I…? or depends on situation answers. One
participant (the author of I Was Stupid) explained:
I voted for using either or, depending on situation. I also use 'could I possibly' quite often as well! I think 'Can I' is slightly less forceful... I'm more likely to use when speaking to strangers or people I'm being delicate around. It's far less definite.
This reasoning appears to be quite common
from my observation. In one conversation, I was told that using May I…? sounds archaic. The opinion that teaching children the I don’t know—can you? rule in today’s
society might cause them to be ostracized by peers was also brought up in
another interview. The important concept
of code-switching and manners was then discussed as a vital part of good
society and how the different forms have purpose when speaking with those in
authority as a sign of respect.
I wonder as I
contemplate on these statistics and responses: Am I just perpetuating needless
prescriptivism or am I helping my children to know how to code-switch and
accept language change at the same time?
The Purple Lady Bracelet!
Our collaboration consisted of me explaining that I want a piece of uniquely amazing purple jewelry that surprises. No other specifications. So when I received the package in the mail, I could hardly stand fighting with the tape in order to get the box open. The anticipation was killing me--and for good reason. This little lovely has so much sparkling detail I could hardly wait to put it on.
 |
| photograph generously provided by Laurel Elizabeth Photography |
My ultra-talented artisan jewelry creating friend, Suzanne is the genius behind this gorgeous accessory.
This brings me to the favor I have to ask of you. She would like to be considered for a small business grant, and since she is working day by day to live the American dream I want to help her as much as I can. If you like the work you see before you, please go to Mission: Small Business; follow the links; type in Belandaria of California; and VOTE! She only needs 250 votes to be in the running for a grant and so let's make this thing happen.
I thank you, most graciously, in advance for taking a bit of your precious time.
And, as always, you may find her custom wares in the Belandaria Designs Etsy Shop
If you would like to order a bracelet as shown above, please contact Suzanne and ask for The Purple Lady Bracelet.
Related Links:
Suzanne, Jewelry, and The Cure
Belandaria Designs Meets The Purple Lady
Disclosure:
I received the original bracelet in exchange for writing this post.
TwitterVerse: Vol. IV
#Haiku
ferocious
fighting ~ a fickle feeding frenzy ~ forced fake friendliness
my difficult day ~
crowded out hope ~ squeezed out strength ~ enough to start fresh
#SixWords
words have escaped me for now
You could be my everything if...
Writing unleashes the creativity trapped within.
Sleep and I are not friends
love at feverpitch pace burns out
Writers write words wittingly wielding warrant. #Alliteration
#Collaborative
join
me in the atmosphere ~ floating on our love-made cloud ~ mutual adoration #mp
without ability to
see how/to love and trust and care/for life has taught some different
things/more than a heart can bear
Look at me/ yet do
not touch/ when others can see/ Don't push your luck.
Can he wrap you in
a blanket of security? Bind your heart with happiness? Give selfless love
eternally? Especially when he's low?
some days poetry is
madness/ breaking the silence which could be peace/ if we would just stop to
listen
Promises belong in
the past/ once simple choices change love to lost.
#duet with @DivorceZen
DZ: even in stillness ~ the dance never stops
PL: the music from within ~ moves our very hearts
DZ: we resonate ~ in perfect harmony
PL: with zest and fervor ~ I shall play ~ writing love's words along the way
DZ: let me be your instrument ~ play our melody
PL: writing what should only be felt ~ love's hard-earned symphony
this song's for you
I made it through yesterday thanks to all your love and prayers. Several times throughout the day I could feel the strength granted me by the exercise of faith directed toward me and my family's welfare. It was the most uplifting and heartening feeling ever. I believe I enjoyed a perfect sense of peace, even if but for a few hours.
I give each of you a special thanks--most especially to my bestie and sunshine--by sharing this song. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
You all amaze me with your sweet lovingkindness. Thank you.
I give each of you a special thanks--most especially to my bestie and sunshine--by sharing this song. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
You all amaze me with your sweet lovingkindness. Thank you.
while you read this...
Today, I go to court and so I am experiencing a bit of nerves, to say the least. I have never played a starring role in court. Well, that isn't quite true because I once made a claim in small claims court, but I didn't have an attorney and let's face it-- it was called small claims court. It just isn't the same. I go to real court today. I will have an attorney talking for me. I will leave the place having been told what to do with my life by someone else.
What do I think of that? I really do not like the idea, but negotiations have been exhausted and life must move on and in a positive, forward motion.
Life has been outstandingly stagnant; therefore, forward motion sounds utterly amazing and incomprehensible, actually. Living a life surrounded by people who care about me should be something I comprehend. It should feel more natural. But like I said, life has become stagnant and unchanging in one of the most vital areas I can think of.
I hope for a couple of things to result from this experience: First, I want closure, but doubt I will get it since this is simply the first court date; Second, I desire to have the ability to make some plans for my life. Everything has been a stagnant status quo devoid of achievable long term goals. I like to know where my feet might take me if I try, so this lack of even being able to imagine where life will lead bothers me a great deal.
With all this said, I am probably getting ready to go to, driving to, arriving at, in the middle of, just leaving from, falling apart due to, or contemplating impending peace because of what was decided at court while you read this.
Long story short-- please pray for me, leave an encouraging comment, something. I am certain I will be needing all the moral support a woman get today.
related links:
I Will Go On and Explore
My Heart Exposed
Surviving the Storm
What do I think of that? I really do not like the idea, but negotiations have been exhausted and life must move on and in a positive, forward motion.
Life has been outstandingly stagnant; therefore, forward motion sounds utterly amazing and incomprehensible, actually. Living a life surrounded by people who care about me should be something I comprehend. It should feel more natural. But like I said, life has become stagnant and unchanging in one of the most vital areas I can think of.
I hope for a couple of things to result from this experience: First, I want closure, but doubt I will get it since this is simply the first court date; Second, I desire to have the ability to make some plans for my life. Everything has been a stagnant status quo devoid of achievable long term goals. I like to know where my feet might take me if I try, so this lack of even being able to imagine where life will lead bothers me a great deal.
With all this said, I am probably getting ready to go to, driving to, arriving at, in the middle of, just leaving from, falling apart due to, or contemplating impending peace because of what was decided at court while you read this.
Long story short-- please pray for me, leave an encouraging comment, something. I am certain I will be needing all the moral support a woman get today.
related links:
I Will Go On and Explore
My Heart Exposed
Surviving the Storm
Confidence
Some people have it. Some people do not. But then there are people who have it sometimes and then not at other times. Most days, I am the confident type. The reason I say most days is because I am human, although I used to have so much confidence it was to a fault. Being overly confident in situations when you should have some reservations can be detrimental to relationships and future levels of confidence. I know this thing.
So anyways. I just wanted to say how NOT confident I am feeling today. I stand on the precipice of change and am ready to jump (I am actually most decidedly in the midst of an outright free fall), yet I do not know where I will land. Landing on my feet is something I expect, but how much more brokenness will I suffer in the process? When all you can think about is how much you need to be held, I think we can safely say confidence levels are significantly waning.
One thing that heartens me is that I have been given innumerable blessings to soften life's blows. Unexpected friendships--new and renewed--are my most valuable commodity at the moment. If I did not receive what I do from friends, I would not be able to keep going, temporally or emotionally. I am lifted and blessed by the gift of friendship on a daily basis without any exaggeration. I borrow from friends the confidence I lack until I realize what I should have seen in the first place.
I am feeling low. Yet, I know things will work out somehow. We'll wait and see how it all pans out together.
So anyways. I just wanted to say how NOT confident I am feeling today. I stand on the precipice of change and am ready to jump (I am actually most decidedly in the midst of an outright free fall), yet I do not know where I will land. Landing on my feet is something I expect, but how much more brokenness will I suffer in the process? When all you can think about is how much you need to be held, I think we can safely say confidence levels are significantly waning.
One thing that heartens me is that I have been given innumerable blessings to soften life's blows. Unexpected friendships--new and renewed--are my most valuable commodity at the moment. If I did not receive what I do from friends, I would not be able to keep going, temporally or emotionally. I am lifted and blessed by the gift of friendship on a daily basis without any exaggeration. I borrow from friends the confidence I lack until I realize what I should have seen in the first place.
I am feeling low. Yet, I know things will work out somehow. We'll wait and see how it all pans out together.
Rockin' Out in the Supermercado
One of my twitts (a friend on twitter) introduced me to this amazingly whimsical song. I think if I am ever given the opportunity to make a music video, it will look something like this...
Thanks @eteichert for introducing me to it!
Thanks @eteichert for introducing me to it!
Miracles and Friends: a beautiful combination
Last week, a small miracle occurred. It might not seem like it to anyone else, but I count it as one.
This miracle came on one of the worst days. Well, actually. I have had several worst days all in a row for like several weeks (maybe even months), but anyways. I got home from school and running errands and had more things to check off my wish-I-didn't-have-to-do-this-garbage list. I had been expecting a few important emails, so I went to my lovely, jam-packed full of emails inbox and scanned for the senders/subject lines I needed and none of those were in there. But--
One of my dearest friends and confidantes in all of the history of me had friend-requested me on Facebook. I could not believe my eyes. Set aside the cliche. I really couldn't. I opened the email. I read the email. I sat back in disbelief and clicked the link. And it was real. Holy cow! It was real!! My heart was overwhelmed and gladdened all at the same time. I actually shed a few happy tears. And yes, I feel a bit embarrassed about that part, but oh well. It happened.
This might sound ridiculous seeing as this person was just deemed one of my dearest friends and confidantes...blah blah blah, but what you don't know is we have not had even one interaction in about a decade and haven't seen each other (on happy terms) in seventeen years, just to be almost precise to the day. Not to mention how I was hideously inexcusable, beyond what an enemy would do rude to this beloved friend seventeen years ago, and subsequently ten years ago as well.
And my friend still wants to be my friend.
See? It's a miracle. And a bless-ed, most unexpected surprise of a miracle at that.
What's even more fantastic is the second miracle that occurred when I freaked out yesterday and my friend didn't run away or block me, but took some time to help me realize that this friendship isn't going anywhere except into the history books for being one of the most unbelievably awesome friendships of all time (only second to the one with my BFF, bestie, superfriend, etc. Melissa).
Two miracles in one week. What more could a girl ask for?
This miracle came on one of the worst days. Well, actually. I have had several worst days all in a row for like several weeks (maybe even months), but anyways. I got home from school and running errands and had more things to check off my wish-I-didn't-have-to-do-this-garbage list. I had been expecting a few important emails, so I went to my lovely, jam-packed full of emails inbox and scanned for the senders/subject lines I needed and none of those were in there. But--
One of my dearest friends and confidantes in all of the history of me had friend-requested me on Facebook. I could not believe my eyes. Set aside the cliche. I really couldn't. I opened the email. I read the email. I sat back in disbelief and clicked the link. And it was real. Holy cow! It was real!! My heart was overwhelmed and gladdened all at the same time. I actually shed a few happy tears. And yes, I feel a bit embarrassed about that part, but oh well. It happened.
This might sound ridiculous seeing as this person was just deemed one of my dearest friends and confidantes...blah blah blah, but what you don't know is we have not had even one interaction in about a decade and haven't seen each other (on happy terms) in seventeen years, just to be almost precise to the day. Not to mention how I was hideously inexcusable, beyond what an enemy would do rude to this beloved friend seventeen years ago, and subsequently ten years ago as well.
And my friend still wants to be my friend.
See? It's a miracle. And a bless-ed, most unexpected surprise of a miracle at that.
What's even more fantastic is the second miracle that occurred when I freaked out yesterday and my friend didn't run away or block me, but took some time to help me realize that this friendship isn't going anywhere except into the history books for being one of the most unbelievably awesome friendships of all time (only second to the one with my BFF, bestie, superfriend, etc. Melissa).
Two miracles in one week. What more could a girl ask for?
Seeking To Become - June 2012
I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities
Psalms 31:7
As I reflect upon the sore trials that seem to keep rolling in, they are nothing in comparison with the great and marvelous gifts God grants me each day. He blesses me with tender mercies which have value beyond price even in the moment I receive them and grow into a treasure trove of relief when I ponder on them all collectively. As I seek to recognize all that He has done to consider me, I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude and love. The power of Christ's healing atonement is visibly at work in my troubled heart. He grants me great mercy, for which my love for Him continues to expand and my testimony of His power expands with that love.
I desire happiness and peace. I yearn for my troubles to fade away. Jesus Christ does not promise to push peace on us nor does He promise to take away adversity, but He does grant mercy that we may be wrapped in peace amidst our trials if we accept His gift.
The challenge for this month is to seek to acknowledge the Lord's mercy through rejoicing and gladness in each day. Let us strive to look for even the smallest of blessings which provide us relief, and, while doing so, grow to know the Savior better that we may be more like Him.
a few past Seeking to Become links:
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
long lost friends
a lovely smile has floated across my face
and, I dare say, it may never fade away
a word, a laugh, a smile I once knew
arrived and rescues me from today
onward into tomorrow we move
hoping happiness will not end
as it did half a lifetime ago
yet looking past the bend
a daring glimpse shows
throughout the years
abiding trustful
sans all fear
wishful
kind
you