serenity soon

I'm unfamiliar with this term, serenity. I've heard it is quite the treasure, and so as I find myself inching toward the border of this uncharted territory, I catch myself holding my breath from time to time, waiting for it to not be so good. Yet somehow the landscape just keeps on getting better and better.

Don't get me wrong, I see the mountains in the distance. For sure. Life wouldn't be life without mountains and valleys and earthquakes, but life is also about smooth waters and blue skies and sunshine. Right? I just haven't seen much of the latter in such full measures for a very long time.

I truly can't remember when the last time I felt like I was at least nearing serene shores. I've had excitement and fun and kindness and friendship and affection, but I have not had so much directed solely in my direction from one person with such tender loving care in an indeterminate amount of time. It has been that long.

It is astonishing as I try to write about it. I do not think I misperceive either, and I honestly feel so many butterflies of pure joy that I do not know what to do with it all. Grown ups are typically settled a little better by now, and here I am with so much newness on the horizon. It is amazing.

Acceptance and affectionate friendship are part of what is leading me toward this well of serenity. I have become so vulnerable—I've made myself this way because I am too bold for my own good—that I create mountains for myself, yet I am surprised with acceptance and forgiveness that I don't even have to ask for really. It is just there, waiting for me as I open up and tear down my walls.

How could tearing down walls lead to serenity? It is almost counterintuitive, right? But I tell you, I am feeling what I believe could possibly be serenity or close to it. My heart is at ease in all its excitement. It is wishing and wondering yet confident. I don't even know what to do with it all.

And then I wonder—does anything I am writing make any sense whatsoever? And I laugh. I hope you do too. I am so happy right now, so at peace, carefully walking along the edge of serenity so as to not disturb any falling rock.