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This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...

50 Things by 50





I am kicking off my 50th year of life, and I find myself reflective and joyful, pensive and disappointed, amazed and encouraged. I see so much of the good and beautiful but also so much of the terrible as I look back, and I think to myself how I want to rise to the occasion of achieving a half of a century worth of chances by seizing the days I have in this year leading up to that mark. I want to make a conscious effort to bring more light and joy and love into my life and everyone I can. 


In this effort, I looked around and discovered that many people (it even seems to be trendy) attempt/do something noteworthy in honor of turning 50 years old. And I feel a little cliché as I keep writing, yet I know it will bless my life to at least make the effort, and I just cannot care if the idea is not as novel as I had first believed. 

That said, I want to share my 50 Things by 50 list: 

1. Visit a city (or even country—Scotland, I am looking at you) I have never been to before. 

2. Complete a service opportunity at least once a month if not more often. 

3. Publish a poetry only book. 

4. Develop a cookbook. 

5. Spend time reconnecting with at least one friend I have not seen in a year or longer. 

6. Try a new food. 

7. Make music somehow (singing, instruments, etc.). 

8. Try a new hobby. 

9. Experience a new self care treatment. 

10. Go on a girls trip. 

11. Go on a sibling(s) trip. 

12. Find something that is specifically spiritually uplifting to do every Sunday. 

13. Visit a lake.  

14. Go on at least one mom time of their choice with each child. 

15. Write letters/emails to 50 women who have been inspirational to me. 

16. Find something meaningful to do for others in honor of each of my parents' birthdays. 

17. Break the habit of worrying about things I cannot change. 

18. Give away ALL clothes that do not fit anymore. 

19. Deep clean my home. 

20. Complete the revisions on my will. 

21. Revise and renew life insurance. 

22. Evaluate every expense, and cancel anything that is not truly beneficial. 

23. Create an exercise plan to do for a minimum of ten weeks in a row to create healthier habits. 

24. Go on a picnic. 

25. Go to a day spa for at least a half day. 

26. Try a new exercise class, and stick with it at least five times. 

27. Organize a neighborhood cleanup. 

28. Complete or give/throw away all unfinished craft projects. 

29. Donate to a book drive. 

30. Watch the sun rise. 

31. Try a new recipe. 

32. Donate to a humanitarian effort. 

33. Play at least one round of golf (probably go to the driving range a couple of times first). 

34. Visit the state capitol. 

35. Complete a 1000-piece puzzle.

36. Attend a city council meeting. 

37. Make a better habit of taking walks around the neighborhood/walking to church. 

38. Eat a sausage roll (going to York to do so is recommended but optional). 

39. Do a 30-day sugar detox. 

40. Cultivate and practice daily gratitude. 

41. Increase temple attendance, and set the bar there. 

42. Go dancing. 

43. Work on seeing how to truly forgive an enemy, and do it

44. Read at least five books from my physical TBR pile of books that are NOT book club reading. 

45. Create a classic films movie marathon lineup, and invite guests. 

46. Brush up on Spanish. 

47. Permanently break the habit of being undecided at restaurants. 

48. Create a calming and inviting office space. 

49. Decide on a top 50 films list. 

50. Actually decide on what to do, then organize and celebrate my fiftieth birthday. 


I took a few months to ponder what I would like to do for this year ahead of me, but I also just made the literal list to make it authentic. I want to be adventurous, giving, and growing this year. If you want to add to the list of ideas, I am totally open to hearing what you have to offer because my list is not exhaustive (and even feels a little flat to me for some reason). And if you want to check back or subscribe to watch for any updates, I hope you will comment as you celebrate along with me! 


My Greatest Gift

 

What is your greatest gift? And why are you thankful for it? My greatest gift is my family—my children, my siblings, my future husband, my parents, my grandparents, my entire family tree. They make my life what it is. Without my ancestors paving the way to America, I would not be where I am nor have the American mentality that I do. Without my grandparents, I would not have the support and love I needed to grow in confidence as an adult. Without my parents, I literally would not be alive, but also I would not have some of my most needed traits like the fierce loyalty, love, and creativity that they instilled in me from a young age. Without my little brothers, I don't know who I would be even. That is a big statement, but it rings true as I think about how being their big sister, their only sister, has shaped my choices throughout my life—especially once our parents died. My role as the oldest in the family and a matriarch set upon me with more weight, and I still do not know what to do half of the time to fulfill what my parents would have me do, but I try. Every single day, I try to be the sister my brothers need. Without my children, I would feel as if I were living in a world where my dreams have not come true yet. I talked about having children since I was in high school as if I always knew I would be a mother someday, so it feels like I have been working on my most important calling in life as I grow into my role as a mother and friend for them. I am so thankful for all of my family. I have cousins who are like siblings to me. I have aunts and uncles who have filled in the holes of my heart where they are able. I have people who died long before I was born who made my life possible, and what a gift that all is. I can hardly contain the gratitude that wells up into my heart as I contemplate it all. 

Personal Revelation

When I consider how confusing society has become, I think first of how strong it makes me feel to be so sure about what is wrong and right. I rely on the spirit to direct my path daily as I face innumerable choices throughout my day, and I walk with confidence most of the time. I have my questions and problems and times of uncertainty, but as I take time to pray and rely upon my relationship with God, I find that the world gets a little easier to understand, and I can find my way. Prayer changes my perspective, my choices, and my future, and I am thankful to my parents for teaching me to pray and pointing me toward the gospel path. 
 

Home Sweet Home

 

I am grateful for my home, the place where I reside, the neighborhood and city in which I live, and the country that I have loved since I could say the Pledge of Allegiance. Everyone wants comfort, and my little piece of home gives me that. I feel safe where I live. I am able to move about without fear, and the people within my community are caring and mindful for the most part. Not everyone can say this about where they live; in fact, there is quite a lot of unrest, incivility, and even violence around the world, so when I think of how soft and warm and gentle my home is for me and my family, I cannot keep myself from thanking God for placing me where I am. 

Reaching Dreams

 

Not many people can say they have become what they wanted to be when they grow up, so whenever the topic arises, I feel a deep sense of gratitude. What am I grateful for exactly? I am grateful that I knew myself enough and have been true to her despite all the insane curveballs that I have faced. I cannot say I never felt like giving up. I cannot say that I am not in a writing drought of sorts. I cannot say that I love every single second of every single thing I do. But I can say that I stayed the course to get where I am as a teacher, writer, and editor. I can say that I still feel like I live a writerly life—a poet's life to be precise—so while I do not work on my next book but on the rare occasion, I do have a thread of it that I hold onto for dear life. And most importantly, I can say that I truly revel in and adore at least some part about each day that I work in each of the areas of who I am as a grown up. It is not glamorous to be what I have dreamed of since second grade (poet/writer)/high school (teacher)/editor (college), but it is fulfilling. To find such fulfillment in one's daily work is truly a gift, and I thank all the cheerleaders, supporters, blessings from God, and sheer willpower that have helped me to reach my dreams.