darling you

Ponder what you need, 

Darling. 

Is it kindness, gentleness, or an affectionate 

Embrace? 

I wonder if you know what I need, 

Darling. 

Perhaps, today, it is compassion, faithful companionship, or

Your kiss. 

Let yourself wonder at what could truly be—not some dream, 

Darling. 

Feed yourself the gentle love you need, so you can share some

Love with me. 

Open up your heart and give yourself the long awaited chance, 

My darling. 

Partake of the loyal love you have within reach, and 

Take my hand—soon. 

we climb

Where we stand keeps on moving as we move our feet toward forever.
We climb and run and fall and climb again once more,
Always transforming, although somehow always remain together,
The journey making us breathless until we cannot move anymore.

Challenging paths parallel to one another, seeing the other across the way
Calling out to one another to help and lift and bless.
Picking up where we left off since the last time we could spend the day
Walking alongside each other, again, our lifelong caress.

I climb; You climb.
I fall; You fall.
Friendship sublime.
Love's wherewithal.

Planting my feet where I stand, I take your part of my heart off my sleeve
And hand it over willingly to be held and carried, cherished
Or buried forever on this wayside, this chance meeting of belief
In love, this love, our love, that somehow it cannot fail, will not perish.

Keep moving toward forever with me along the ridges and rises
Through the torrents and trenches as we climb our way out to blue skies
Take my hand in yours and let your heart rest in mine where it needs
To be, where it belongs and always, forever, into eternity will lead.

upon meeting

I love a man 
who is a boy 
who keeps giving 
pieces of love 
to too many 
while stealing 
my girlish heart 
in a way 
that I know 
I gave it freely 
upon meeting him, 
my darling
heartbreak.

how I see heaven

I just wish I could spend a day
With every member of my family,
Children, brothers, cousins,
Aunts, uncles, grandparents,
And then spend another
With all my friends I've ever had
Where love was never lost just forgotten
Or separated by situation.
Another day would be spent
With loved ones who have gone before,
To reconnect, to join in sweet embrace.
Then, I'd have a day with everyone
And all their circles of family and friends
Where we spend the rest of our existence
Getting to the heart of each soul
Loving each other past misunderstanding or conflict.
And in the midst of these everlasting days,
Someone would see me—really see me—
And take my hand and never let go.

revived

A Beautiful View

Within my fortress, I said I was looking for a friend,
And you quite perfectly returned, "Me too."
Time went by; layers were removed.
Our blooming world grew in every direction.

And now, though the ivory tower be not breached,
You, breath of fresh air and water for this thirst, mean so much.
You, even though so far in distances a few, do so much.
You are a darling particular and precious friend.

Holding my hand through the fire,
Bearing a portion of the heat for a moment,
As you listen to my hopeless cries,
The fabric of our bond stands strengthened.

With heartbeats quickened and stride lengthened,
My hope somehow renewed,
Recognizing your generous heart and outstretched hand
As my failing heart your care and kindness revived.

unapologetic affection

my hope is not fragile

once the light begins to burn 

becoming an undercurrent in the sea of life

pulling me close to the people I need most

to the one who causes me to come alive

into forever therefore I reach out 

unapologetically 

in love and care because the hope in my heart

hints at and even calls out

the fact that you need love
in the worst and best way

your quintessence sings for the affection
that I long to lavish on your sweet soul

hearts do fail in some
but not yours yet and I hope it never will
the whisper on the wind won't let me be
softly reassuring that love has found
its way into that asphyxiating fortress
breaking free from the inside out
like a broken down prisoner on the run
you can't stop to see where to turn
but hold on, press on, open up
patience, hope, and love
feed this perfect fire
as they always have
keeping us warm
until you come
arriving just in time
to tend the flame
recollected and renowned
most cherished, darling friend

because it's us

photo: C.T. Duncan

This endless road I'm traveling or travailing
Depending on the adventure of the day
Transfigures the manner in which I foresee
The hills and valleys that come forth and demand of me.

The fervor of dawn that rises and touches my flesh
Further brightens, paving a smooth detour fresh
Of asphalt leading into summer that must be delicately tread
With watchful words and careful eye on what lies ahead.

Knowing where the thoroughfare leads at last
I must forge my way on this fateful yet untried path
Perceiving with a surety that cleanses and washes o'er
Every hope endearing me to that darling heart of yours.

Missing you is a part of me since I left you
When the road was lengthened
On that beautiful sun-filled afternoon
When hearts began to break, and time stands still until we meet again.

Switchbacks no longer set me back but are somehow straightened out
Altogether with one fond breath's worth of words
From you, Because it's us
And this road from my heart to yours suddenly turned short.

sanctuary

With quiet words and a tender hand
You have cleared away layers of fear
Exposing what lay hidden inside
Carefully creating a sanctuary
Within your eyes, voice, and smile
I find refuge beneath the branches of your laugh
Relief enfolds me in the shade of your loving way

And so it goes that I must try
With softer patience and a listening heart
To meet you along the shoreline
Of where our hearts reach into the future
Hoping you know with each passing day
How well you deserve to be loved
My beloved and precious friend

time beckons

photo: C.T. Duncan

Standing in a flurry of strangers
Oblivious to being watched
Admired for one hidden moment
When time seemed to beckon and stop
And all she could do was smile
With her heart so raw and wide
That it transformed her vision
Shimmering with anticipation
Of who stood before her for the very first time
And hands were stilled for those few breaths
Before the clock was forced to tick

The sun had never been so radiant
Until that day you walked into my life
Quite literally as you opened up the door
And climbed right in next to me, my heart
There was some sort of magic
A wisp of untold beauty
In the air that hung sweetly
I breathed it in so deeply
I never wanted to leave
But the insistent clock kept ticking past
Each minute, with the seconds pounding

Compelling us to part
In the interim between then and now
The sky's blue hue has never been the same
Neither rain-swelled clouds
Nor the sun's unmatched splendid rays
Since you've been taken so far away
I want and need to breathe
In more of our first-hand magic
Once again hoping that the clock will tick
With a quickness that brings you near to me
Embracing the time we make for each other

courageous

I just had a thought
Run clear across my mind
So quickly yet deeply
That I don't know what to feel.

I will never be as perfect looking
As all those you'll ever meet,
And you shall never find me
Ready or ever wanting to compete.

I catch myself wondering
If those roaming eyes of yours
Might open up and want to taste
How precious this love can be.

From afar we feel together
With the blooming pleasure
Of beloved exploration
Transporting us nearer still.

Actions spiked with adoration
Coupled with discordant communication
Show my blinded eyes that I do not know
Where I stand within that enigmatic heart.

Nurturing sweet love
With ink and postage
Sending more than things
To travel by road and skyway.

Warning given though not taken
Without asking, I give affection.
You tell me one thing
Yet elicit another.

And all I remember now
Is how my flaws
Are so many
And distance is great.

I opened up this broken heart
To someone who didn't want it.
And yet the sense that you do,
That you need me, is still present.

You kindly reject, and I ignore
In a tangled dance of sorts
Because this heart
Knows your heart

And never wants to admit
That you might never
Find the courage
To love only imperfect me.

Consequently, you will have to be
The one to choose for me which one:
The exit door or deeper in to the us that I perceive
Because I don't have the courage to love you any less.

breathtaking view

Terrible black clouds come tumbling in
Yet you, my sentry of sorts,
Stand watch at the door
Keeping them from trespassing

Into this heart your affection has burrowed
Deep beneath the hard-shelled surface
Cracking the safe that used to hold
Every fear and misgiving

Pressing upon the glass
The view, this breathtaking view,
From where I stand
Brightening life into a lustrous shine

Without affectation of any kind
Patience and tenderness
Gently and presently subdue
The hurt, which threatens

That simplicity of kindness beckons
To adore your infinite multiplicity
With all that I have to give
Albeit a seemingly untimely gift

The fondness wells up from below
Layers of being that flourish
Between your fingers, which play
The strings of this burgeoning heart

Reach out into the starry night
Past the endless winter
Welcoming a beaming spring
That will keep until we

Both are at the golden threshold
Ready for what has been in store
From the perfectly imperfect beginning
Watching for the sun from a sure shore

blue

I attempted to run, to forget you and all that you entail,
Even all the day long, yet the very effort placed an ache
Within each breath stolen opposite of your direction.

The sun drenched sky, in its ethereal beauty,
Beckoned brightly for more unearthly wishes
To be softly whispered into its high strung clouds.

Faintly, I held to the notion that you might care.
Gingerly, I carried your kindness in my untried hands.
Wistfully, I share this affection that pins me down yet lifts me.

Turning to your precious heart and facing what I need,
Punching out new holes in my unhealed heart from which to bleed,
With a sure and happy hope I say to the sky, I stay out of love not fear.

Blanketed in the certainty and strength of this truthful song,
My heartfelt words melt into you, the atmosphere, and beyond.

a resounding yes

I saw the magic before you uttered a word. 

Can there truly be spring midst winter?
I ask myself this recurring question
Whenever thoughts of you insinuate
Loving fervor and perfection
Into the dank, left to be forgotten recesses
Of my threadbare reality.

Weaving my way within the hazy great divide
Between the living and the hurt,
I observe too keenly how I don't belong;
There is yet to be a home for me.
Stuck by choice in this deadening nowhere
As I refuse to ignore what I know—
I know what I felt upon first meeting you,
That magic between us that not everyone can find.
I know that logic and rational thought
Is what makes sense to the mind.
Nonetheless, we are more than logic and rationality.
We are treasured souls with a stunning and divine purpose,
And this adoring soul seeks a permanent home.

Can the sun turn winter to spring?
The transformation makes its way steadfastly without conscious thought.
So can you, my darling sunshine, warm my wintery frost
Into a place for your sure and safe landing?
Can my trying, challenging, and purely everlasting light
Guide you to embrace the road home to my heart?

building something

I hardly know what I am permitted to say to you

You, who is a luminescent joy in my life

An immeasurable source of positive growth
I'm not sure if you are ready or even want to hear
How your happiness is essential for me
As I continue on but never again as usual
I couldn't have expected to care so much
And now you are invaluable—beyond price. 

What would someone give in exchange

For what we are building together? 

Because that's what we've done—we built something

That continues to grow since the time we spent
Living and breathing within each other's space
Considering the other instead of self
Learning how well we match
Teaching each other what us feels like
And still—have I said too much?
I hardly know, but I will not take back
What cannot and should not be unsaid

send me, thrill me, push me

Shannon, Texas

You do this thing to me
I can hardly explain
That southern sweetheart lilt
And the way that you pause
To let me ramble on
How it sends me, thrills me
Pushes me past the brink
And then I can not think
Because the only thing
Running through me right then
Is how much I miss you
And so want to kiss you
But then I stop myself
In that mad, mad moment
Allowing the beauty
The perfection of you
In the precious time shared
To heat my hidden soul
By the flame of our bright
Fiery adoring
Shared and exchanged by choice
Carried through in friendship
With a splash of something
More than could be foreseen
And still we let it grow
Tending this glad garden
With no way of knowing
Where it all might lead
Daring hope and belief
To prove these senses right
The happy full of fright
Sense that we belong here
In this space that we've made
Where we explore ideas
And each other with care
Careful to not trample
The seedlings of feeling
That sprang upon meeting
And have become so dear

the hum of hearts

The words you have written upon my heart
Cannot be scratched on any paper page
The memories you've etched upon my mind
Cannot be captured in a photograph
The happiness you have set at my feet
Will not be handed over easily
Your way has carved out a place within me

Kindness of spirit leaves permanent marks
Provides healing balm that fills all the cracks
While left unfinished with more to explore
The perfection that lies in all your flaws
Binds eternal wounds and writes a new song
That can be heard and seen and felt by us
Soothing hum of ethereal remnants

more than a dream

If you ever want more
Than what you've ever had
If you ever think there might
Be a corner of room in your heart
If you believe in bright hope
And delicate love and exquisite courage
If you believe that imperfect people
Can change and do so every day
By their own free will
Because there is something
Out there worth becoming
What we are intended for
If you would close your fearful eyes
Letting me take you by the hand
If you would take a trusting step
Closer and hold on to me
I could show you a glimpse
Then a deluge of delightful wishes
That could be a work-in-progress reality
Because we are infinitely more
So much more than our limitations
More than our imaginations
We are valiant souls
Radiating with life
Never ending
Needing, craving, and seeking
Someone
A priceless, adorable someone
But who could it be?
How can we know?
What does love look like anyway?
Where can we find it?
Questioning everything
Including this instinct to trust,
Care, and never let go
Out of fear of the future
Because of the past
Always poisoning
Help me to stop this maddening
Arsenic in the well of honest happiness
Take my hand and hopes and dreams
Lead me to all that is new and old
And eternally grounded
Within the very core of what we need
There is more
Than you could have ever hoped for
More than you thought possible
There is togetherness
There is forever
There is us.

no better hands than yours

Sometimes you just need to run
You need to run in the direction of love
Even if it places within you a dread
That you might get destroyed again

When you find someone or they find you
When a magnetism unexplained
Overcomes, asking no questions
Tugging you both toward the other

Almost against your will
Because your memory recalls
All the pain that love brought
With it the last time—breaking you

It doesn't appear possible
For love to ever be pleasant
To ever be true and forever
Yet the chemistry is charming

So deliciously good
That you don't want to imagine
Any day without a word or sign of life
From this enchanting soul

Whose hands are full of thoughtful care
A heart brimming with tender wisdom
Eyes that look like they could become home
Even a perfect home

To reach out is part of the running
For the dash into the heart of the fire
Burns with a flame that makes no sense
Nevertheless embracing the race

Proves that imperfection
Saturates and infatuates
The ones who are brave
Enough to run toward love

clotheslined

As of late, my sojourn has been a torturous affair
Until the day you snuck past the armed guard
And privily and perfectly sent me falling in an upward motion
That has been taking me by surprise
Every single day that I awake
And you're still there—here—crowding out
The misery that continues its attempt to plague me
Your words, your way, your heart has set me up
To not only fall for you but to continue to trip
On all the happiness that gets in my way
Until all I crave is to fall into your arms forever

fear of not falling

To fall would be a dream that could
Turn into a traumatizing nightmare
Sweeping away all the glitter from our divine
And luxuriant friendship we have cultivated
The thought brings me to my knees
In a perfect soberness
With tears and fear for the future
I would do anything to know
How the several twists and turns
Turn out on this switchback path
Alas, that cannot be until the way
Is tasted and tried in all its variety
The bitter and sad pairs well
With the richly flavored delights
Of love earned and felt
Upon your lips I hope to earn
My name forever pressed and expressed
With an honesty known from the depth
Of all eternity held in the moment
Because we took a thousand leaps
Into the unknown and kept on falling




part one: fear of falling