one

Wistful and wishing for
One forever taste of you
As another summer nears its end
And autumn pulls me in

Leaves falling into the past
With hope tied to each
Against the difficult winter
As we brace ourselves within ourselves

Together at the heart of things
Time gives us more to cling to
He gives us more to hold
We give our hearts respite from the cold

Layers unfolded gently as the fall
Of leaves upon green grass
Open our eyes to more
Layers of understanding us

Seeking you seeking me
Trying new things
Reaching out in harmony
Everything we lack but need

I don't want you to be mine
I don't want me to be yours
I want us to be ours
In one forever with you

three years past

Imperfection in all its glory
Has paved a path for me and you
Lain with care and blessed forgiveness
As the sun has proved itself in our view

To have seen ahead would prove nothing
For disbelief and doubt would reign
There would be no way of knowing
How many treasures we would gain

In the shadows of our sorrows
We shine a light in turn
In the furrows of our brokenness
We are salve against the burn

In disbelief I hold fast
To what has come and what has been
In disbelief I purvey
An open door to what may be seen

Upon the ever changing horizon
I place my hope and happy notion
A seed of this joyful past
To be watered with kind devotion




Related:
The Best Things Come from Texas

the weather

Rushing past one another like white water in a ripping river mid summer

Or like turbulent wind whipping through a canyon each fall.

Both of us damaged by an unforgiving frost that sears the ground in winter.

Yet even still—you still were able to stop long enough

To see me. 

Turning winter to spring eternal,

You, who claims to be broken, 

You, who claims to not be able to,

Have loved me enough

To slow down and cherish me,

To cherish us.

You saw me before I showed you

All the hurt and scars.

You held me in your arms

With words and music, 

And then you let me in 

To witness your brilliant heart

Trusting me with more than either ever thought

We could share and still withstand the unrelenting weather.

You took me in your arms to dance

One starry night never to be the same—you and me. 

You witnessed the tears with love and care.

You share with me things you will not write out anymore—please begin again.

Save us from the burning coals

Of misguided gallantry

That stand to burn our bridge as we build it. 

I saw you before you showed me 

All the hurt and scars. 

I sang to you the song

You hadn't heard for too long, 

And then I let you in

To witness my stalwart love

Trusting you with more than either ever thought

We could share and still withstand the unbending weather.

Leap into the light. 

Take my hand, my darling friend.

Allow me to show you what I know

That we might have a proper chance.

Rescue your heart 

From the frostbite 

That threatens to keep you down. 

We saw each other before we showed ourselves

All the tender care we shared as it began to heal our hearts. 

We nurture and care for one another

Like we've never truly had with any other, 

And now the time is near 

For letting go of fear

Trusting ourselves—trusting us—with more than we ever thought

We could share as we prove this bond shall bring us through 

Every type of weather.

Words in italics by C.T. Duncan

clock tower

Interlaced forever, we are

My darling friend
My wish nearly come true

Whispers of something more
Something further
Keep me patient

Immaculate imperfection
You. Me. Us.
Everything yet nothing
You take my breath away in an instant

As the space between the lines closes in on me
Cracking open hope, exposing it for what it is
Spoilt wishes, darkened dreams
I can hardly keep myself from wishing
One more string of wishes

I wish you could see how we've been cheated
Of truth and kisses
I wish you wanted more from me
In the quiet of our long night
I wish for you to feel safe and warm
In too many ways

A kiss that never came to me
But I know should come
Naturally
Waits upon these longing lips
Like coming home
From a long trip
Welcoming and wanting you there

As the layers continue falling to the floor
Undressing me with full abandon
As you do with only words
And our souls' connection
The ties that bind
Cut like scissors against my paper heart
And I wonder how something so dear
Can become yet another source for mourning

Where the sun can't shine
Where it rains forever
But then she looks and sees
Gladness glowing on the other side
Of walls meant to keep her out
Apparently impenetrable
Now reduced to curtains
Unable to hide what has occupied
Cheating, beating, stone cold sober hearts

Through the concrete we find cracks
Giving ground for unplanned flowers
As the droplets fall from their source
Proving their mettle
Providing solace
When summer won't come
Blooming against the jagged edge
In love's constant rebellion
Against its demise
Resolute

Until the sun's rays warm these cold shoulders
I will remember, yet
In the shadows, I will let my heart breathe
The truth
The truth your heart explained to mine
That bright, blue-skyed day
Where in the coolness of the tower
I knew
Without a doubt
I'd love you true
Until, and ever after, you love me too

to effervesce

Walk with me in sun burnt glittery rain
Through gray-purple storms and unrelenting winds
Hold my hand, my darling friend, to help me up again
Please lead me where the end is where everything begins
To dance once more with you, to revel in newness
Never ending, always fresh, to effervesce
Persevering in a place of perfect uncertainty
Kindly wishing—hope-stained wishes—that you might see this heart
And recognize within a matching wish, delicious bliss, tasting of eternity
Drawing you closer, awakening, breaking doubting clouds apart
Welcome me with willing arms and your warm, kind way
Call me, beckon me, home, forever to stay

set them aside

Youth cannot guarantee one more breath

Neither can beauty of heart, mind, and body

Precious spirit, dear and lovely

Taken from me in that first meeting moment
By infidelity and blindness
Toss away the games

Let them fall away from you and me
See where love lives and grows
Set aside painful preconceptions
Hurting everything you could ever have
Stealing the joy in store
That effervescent joy
Waiting on the steps of heavenly affection
Because the light wasn't left on

Because fear took hold
Or you didn't care enough to take a moment
To unlock the door to the important things
To wrap your heart around mine as they entwined
Waiting through the uncertain, blank night
For something altogether beautiful and real
A dream of sparkling acceptance
Feeling needed and ever cherished

Why won't it happen even when it could
The love is there
It is apparent and true
There for the taking
And everlastingly aching for you,
Darling, brave, immaculate soul
Fighting for a place in the brilliant sun
For you, me, us, forever

Make use of that magic inside your guarded heart
Keep it alive until those unseeing eyes
Open to the reality
That we can be
That you might actually need me
As much as I need you
And maybe—just maybe—life can be lovely
For you, me, us, forever.

Happiness is fleeting
Joy builds on memories that otherwise fade
Clouds upon the deep blue sky
Watching the world pass you by
Taking all the childish tricks and baubles
And set them aside with the games you used to play.

nowhere

untied

Love and love some more. That is all I know to do. 

Change course. Change my footing.

Change, change, change. Always for me to do. 

Taking hold of my stripped heart

As if after a long journey 

But only to the halfway mark

Yet just as famished for affection

Clamoring to hold on for breath

Stammering to hold in the hurt

Choking down words I have not

The ability to speak aloud. 

There is nowhere for me 

To make safe landing

No shore to beckon me toward

Tied onto nothing 

That keeps the wind from whipping

Across the ages and furthermore.

Love. More. Knowing it resides within your core. 

Stay the course. Yet make a course correction. 

Change perspective. Love a little more. 

Never the beloved. Never the one protected. 

Move, move, move. Keeping busy to pretend

Nothing cuts so deeply that I'll never see the end.

counting down

Whispers from your precious heart
Find me in the dark of night
Waking me from peaceful rest
Awakening hope that would hurt
If I didn't know how it's all a gift

Lifting my soul from that abyss
Of broken dreams and hopeless days
Into a perfect mess of flaws and joy
Insecurity erased and resurrected

Flutters of the heart
Eternal butterflies
That won't depart

Time tells this story.
Choices write every word.

Words pave our path to action.

because it's us

photo: C.T. Duncan

This endless road I'm traveling or travailing
Depending on the adventure of the day
Transfigures the manner in which I foresee
The hills and valleys that come forth and demand of me.

The fervor of dawn that rises and touches my flesh
Further brightens, paving a smooth detour fresh
Of asphalt leading into summer that must be delicately tread
With watchful words and careful eye on what lies ahead.

Knowing where the thoroughfare leads at last
I must forge my way on this fateful yet untried path
Perceiving with a surety that cleanses and washes o'er
Every hope endearing me to that darling heart of yours.

Missing you is a part of me since I left you
When the road was lengthened
On that beautiful sun-filled afternoon
When hearts began to break, and time stands still until we meet again.

Switchbacks no longer set me back but are somehow straightened out
Altogether with one fond breath's worth of words
From you, Because it's us
And this road from my heart to yours suddenly turned short.

time beckons

photo: C.T. Duncan

Standing in a flurry of strangers
Oblivious to being watched
Admired for one hidden moment
When time seemed to beckon and stop
And all she could do was smile
With her heart so raw and wide
That it transformed her vision
Shimmering with anticipation
Of who stood before her for the very first time
And hands were stilled for those few breaths
Before the clock was forced to tick

The sun had never been so radiant
Until that day you walked into my life
Quite literally as you opened up the door
And climbed right in next to me, my heart
There was some sort of magic
A wisp of untold beauty
In the air that hung sweetly
I breathed it in so deeply
I never wanted to leave
But the insistent clock kept ticking past
Each minute, with the seconds pounding

Compelling us to part
In the interim between then and now
The sky's blue hue has never been the same
Neither rain-swelled clouds
Nor the sun's unmatched splendid rays
Since you've been taken so far away
I want and need to breathe
In more of our first-hand magic
Once again hoping that the clock will tick
With a quickness that brings you near to me
Embracing the time we make for each other

permanently

photo: C. T. Duncan

You make me happy 
Are words that stay with me
Even at times when you cannot
Woven into my every thought
Drawn between each day's lines
Laced throughout the moments
Where you weren't supposed to be
And yet—in every part of any day
Sleeping, waking, breathtaking
Somehow you are everywhere
In the sunlight breaking over the hills
Within the wisps of clouds over head
I listen for music floating on the wind
And my senses will not forget
Fluttery dancing, talking, sharing
Then caring more than hope would warrant
Wishing beyond what shooting stars do dare
Even still—all that happiness
You gave and give
Sticks with me in a permanent way
Like superglue for broken hearts
Needing to be pieced back together
Revealing hidden, slivered layers
As we paste our selves into one








A few more words:

Electric Lines

faithful heart

stripping bits and pieces off

of the threads that hold it all 

together within the center of me

unravelling the core of my hopes

and dreams only to find another scrap

of something untouchable and free

trembling in the fierce and forceful wind

of the tempests of daily life

stealing away every part but that one

wishing with something more than 

just a wish on a star in the fading light of day

but with faith embedded forever in our foundation

growing in love I never thought possible

proving my weathered heart ever more grateful 

time to hide

Decatur, Texas

There is not time enough
To tell you, to explain how much I care.
No time for all the love I hold and
Long to give, moments to share.
Days bleed in from the one before
And an ache follows to the one afterward.
The burning sun falls almost as quickly as it rose
With weathered life weaved in each band of light.
Arms reached out to embrace the layers of you,
To help you and to love you,
Hang so heavy with a load of care.
Weary with the lonesome road
Of having no one with whom to share
These days of burden and delight.
Days that have no time, yet
The clock keeps on ticking,
Ticking, ticking, ticking the moments by.
The time shackles and frees.
With nowhere to turn, nowhere to rest,
Running tantalizes and entices,
And I catch myself dreaming up a place to hide.

Someone, see me; Reach me; Want me.
Answer this heart's pleading need
For a shared respite from the bleached
Heat of the stripped down day
Where no one ever stays.
Come find me and dare to be mine
And stay.
Stay until the clock runs out
And we abide where time never ends,
Where love lasts forever.
Seek this lost and broken heart.
Our future depends on you.

affectionate dread

When you become mine, darling,
Then will I allow myself to say the things
That one should only confide in
The singular soul who already knows,
Without being told, some of those things.
Without words, without speaking,
To simply feel and know and need
The intoxicating imperfection
That has connected, even fused, with their own,
As they embrace the totality of it all,
Caressing the fine layers of their other self.
With a purposeful and careful hand,
The infinite beauty of this quest
For perfect truth on an island that we built
Overtakes my delicate senses, and I
Hardly know where to place the starting point
For the marathon began before we could know
That we were on the same threadbare path.
The winding, blinding, blurry, bemused byway
Has become a beloved, traveling home
We are able to carry with us as we
Keep to the daring journey—wherever it may lead.
We take steps and strides and dance a little dance
Until we smile and can hardly breathe—
Gasping for air because the pain of happiness
Takes time getting used to again—
Seizing the time required to know you also care
That you cherish this special realm
Of understanding and want to keep it safe from
The third-party poisons that threaten our
Stunning and unparalleled affections
Proves you are as true as (plus more than) I'd always thought
And I willingly hand over the last inch of trust
I was holding back for safekeeping
Inviting you to do with it as you will
Because I trust you.
I trust this unpaved, undecided,
And terrifically enchanting ascent
That we now share with trembling,
Happy, ravishing dread.

it started with good night

The push and pull and drag of it all
Wishing, wanting, waiting — almost patiently
Heart worn on a sleeve for so long it has a farmer's suntan
And somehow it still feels like the best thing since ice cream
Even if the bridge we're building hasn't quite closed the gap
The vibrant sun keeps shining and storm clouds remind me of you
And I think of all that could be
Somehow, someday, some way
It will happen
But until then, I admit that I weep a little—perhaps a lot
When I see sweet intentions that are not meant for me
I wish I weren't so intuitive and knowing
Without trying, I somehow understand too much and too little
Imagination running wild yet set at ease by the taskmaster at once
All I can do is force myself to breathe through it
The wishing wounds and heals me deeply
Confused, still I smile gladly
Because I want you to be happy
More than anything else in the world
Every day. Right now. Through every tomorrow.
I wait for you to believe this truth
For you to want to do anything and everything
To give me the chance to be the she who brings
Smiles to your lips and spins
A golden reality from your untamed wishes
Because if you're by my side, loving me
Every day will be my best dreams realized
To say good night every night looking in your eyes
That's all I see now with this love-stained vision
I will not keep myself from dreaming
Because you mean so much
You are worth the risk of a shattered heart
You are infinitely beautiful to these hazel green
Tear-filled eyes that continue to wish too hard
I shall scale unscalable walls because I want you.
The layers will come off because they must
And we will stand exposed
Like two pearls in a split open shell
Being admired for their rare and precious beauty
Fawned over, coveted, and revered.

the hum of hearts

The words you have written upon my heart
Cannot be scratched on any paper page
The memories you've etched upon my mind
Cannot be captured in a photograph
The happiness you have set at my feet
Will not be handed over easily
Your way has carved out a place within me

Kindness of spirit leaves permanent marks
Provides healing balm that fills all the cracks
While left unfinished with more to explore
The perfection that lies in all your flaws
Binds eternal wounds and writes a new song
That can be heard and seen and felt by us
Soothing hum of ethereal remnants

our first dance

Twirling

as

if

in

the

glittering

light

of

day

in 

the

midst

of 

the 

smoky

night

as 

you 

talk

with

me

dance

with

me

and 

hold 

me

as 

we 

move

in

a 

whirl

of 

purest

delight

in

a 

wave

of

happy

times

I 

wish

to 

repeat

again

and

again

until 

we 

know 

nothing

but

the 

comforting

hum

of

our

swirled

souls

and

want

for 

nothing

more

On the stairwell in Decatur, Texas 

entirely insufficient

How can the words I miss you be
Too much and too little all at once?
I shall tell you—
They are too much when you feel
Your heart upon your sleeve and the tears
That come from missing are too much
To take because you are unsure
If the sentiment is mutual between
The two hearts at hand
When fear whispers like a devil in your ear
That this person does not care
Enough to miss you in return . . .
That this person never will
Because you can give him something more
And he is potentially afraid
Most likely unaccustomed to your way
Because being different from the rest
Might not be what anyone is looking for

And those three words, I miss you, are
Entirely insufficient when the adventure
Calls for all you've got plus more
Because you only have words to give
For now; however,
Missing him is something to rejoice
In because you discover that you can feel again
That your heart recognizes
Someone special when it comes across
A soul so wonderfully matched with your own that
Life before his presence is difficult to imagine
And the thought of him ever leaving
Only makes the missing double worse
A poignant pierce upon the heart
A terrible twist of a knot in the throat
And still the words are too much and too little
Because it is part of yourself that is the missing piece
That you gave away from the very start

the rain beckons you

The thrill of it all comes back to me
As if the days we shared were yesterday
Like an ache of a memory
Demanding to be felt again
Bursting from my mind in a way
That pains me to the core
While exciting the thought of another
Adventure to be shared
The sights, the sounds, the smells
The clouds collecting each day
More densely than the day before
Until the rain comes
Like the hope for beautiful things
It truly came and showed itself to us

We felt it falling on our skin
And in our hair
Wetting the ground beneath our feet
Promising something new
Something profoundly fresh
Misting everything in sight with a shine
Green and full of life
No longer parched with drought
But longing for more of what we tasted
Because it can happen again
Choose to join me in the summer rain
To bask in the mixture of sunshine
And clouds that keeps us guessing and wishing
For what might be ours to find

electric lines

There's something divine

About looking at someone

Into their eyes, into their heart

And seeing past the surface 

To who they really are 

And seeing who they could become 

—who you could become— 

If the walls are scaled

If the borders are crossed

If the feelings are allowed to be felt 

When the power lines are electrified

After barriers are broken down

But even before the smoke clears

Before either of you feels safe

You both acknowledge 

There has always been something

Whispering to you to continue peeling

Away the layers that keep truth

And treasure hidden

The truth

That you might just be 

Each other's

Match that lights eternal fire

Bookend that completes the set

Answer to infinite questions

Peace when the storms of life rage on

But until then— 

Look to the sunlit sky

Find me in the clouds

Remember me at dusk

See me in every tower

Electrifying your line of sight

As I see through to 

The inner you

A resplendent soul—magnificent