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This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...

The Beginning of Forever

Dear Brother of Mine,

I would like to express--in the most public way I know how--my love, admiration, and hope for you.

I have known you since you were born. I have babied you and fought with you, loved you blindly like a child and loved you by choice as an adult.  We have detested one another, but we have also always known we love each other. And this knowing is a blessing in my life. You know I need help, and you help me when you can and tell me with honesty when you cannot. Your honesty blesses and helps me to carry on with the burdens I bear. I thank you for it.

You have had much to bear in your life, and I thank our Father in Heaven for all you have come through to get you to this beautiful day when you will start a family of your own.

I wish I could be there with you. It saddens me beyond words that I am incapable of seeing my baby brother get married, but I hope you know I would be there if it were possible. I hope you know how grateful I am you have found someone to love and who will love you in return. What a great blessing for our entire family!

I wish our mother and father could be there with you, yet I believe they would not miss it and will be there with you in spirit. Try to listen for them amidst all the excitement and I believe you will feel their presence.

I pray you will have a most exquisite day with your bride, creating the beginning of a lovely forever.

With love and affection from your sister,


a purplicious birthday

Celebrating birthdays gives me a thrill. Really, celebrating anything for that matter. I love getting people together to spend time and make memories. I don't know what it is precisely that makes it so fantastic for me, but I love it.

My first party-planning memory is from when I was between seven and nine years old. I was in the Lucky's grocery store with my mom, and we were in the freezer isle standing in front of the ice cream. I asked her if I could have a party for my upcoming birthday, she looked at me and said without hesitation: If you plan it, I'll pay for it. That's the deal. And my days as a lover of party planning and going commenced. I grabbed a container of mint chocolate chip ice cream and ran with it. (Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.)

The inspiration for this year's birthday party came whilst cleaning out my cupboards. I was sorting through all the spices, etc. and found an unopened container of root beer concentrate and just knew it should be used for a party. I needed to celebrate something amidst all the sadness lately, so a birthday party fit the bill perfectly. 

Purpliciousness in cake form by: Darcy

the stock birthday banner dressed up a bit 

Party guests by: HRH {D}
the root beer experiment
a friend even brought Crush to the party to celebrate

While a party can not take away all the worry and pain, I can attest to its ability to put a smile on one's face and enliven even the most sorrowful of hearts.

Thank you to everyone who attended. It made my year.

I Will Go On and Explore

Well, now I have at least some notion of where we are...we have come almost in the opposite direction to which we intended...I will go on and explore.  
-- Merry, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

The deterioration of my marriage has disoriented me in many ways. I am not quite myself, and I don't believe I will ever know that particular version of myself again. Maybe, just maybe, it is a good thing. Life has been turned upside down, inside out, and onto its head. All the while though, I have been learning things. Things about myself. Things about others. Things about life.  And essentials about love.

I might not be where I thought I would be at this point in my adventure; however, I am beginning to see life moving forward--in some happy and good ways.

I realize it doesn't really matter how I got to this place.
What matters is that I continue the adventure and not be afraid to explore...

related links:

Finding Direction

Positivity Amidst Negativity

I'm a freak zombie

Why is it that when we want sleep so bad we can almost taste it we usually can't get any of it? This is my million-dollar question.

When I am stressed or worried, insomnia has this overwhelming influence on my sleep patterns and I turn into a walking zombie of sorts. I might sleep for four hours (more or less), which means I don't get enough sleep at night, which means I am nodding off when I need to be alert and attentive during the day, which means I am not quite participating in life as I should, which means I start feeling like a loser, which means I get more stressed out, which means I can be officially classified as a freak zombie.

When I am especially stressed out and tired, I do this thing now where I just space out and everything is just background noise for a moment or two. It is irritating, yet I don't know how to stop it. Another interesting factoid about me and sleep is that if I happen to take a nap, like I did this afternoon, I can almost count on not being able to sleep tonight. It is an eternal round of absolute insanity. If you know anything about the psychology of sleep, you know I know what I am talking about.

So, after you read this, I ask you to please cross your fingers for me tonight that I might get a proper amount of sleep. This zombie is tired of being tired.  

I Just Got a Call...

Friends in the moment are friends for all eternity.
I just got a call from a friend. Not just any old friend, but a friend who I have never really hung out with, a friend who I see in passing at our children's school or in the hallway at church. We wave hello when we drive past each other on the street. On average, we chat about once a quarter in just this manner. She is a friend of moments.

For moments in my life when I am feeling down, she has begun to be there. In one of our passing moments, she said to call if I ever needed some help. So, I took her up on the offer the day my separation started. And she came. One other friend and she came over and helped me put my home back together after half of everything was removed from every room. On a random day when no one could know I was feeling like I have nothing to offer the world, she asked my advice. Today, she took time in the moment to reach out. She told me she felt impressed to call and ask me what I needed. I rattled off a list of mundane things, but the conversation afterwards was what gave me the lift I desperately needed. She told me I make a difference, that I am a strong woman who people look to for an example, and that I uplift others. It touched my heart to hear those things. She nearly commanded me to look past my feelings of inadequacy so I could recognize how I really do help others.

Many of you have friends like this one. People who cross our path for only a few moments in our entire lifetime. They won't ever become a sort of best friend person who knows everything about us. We simply cannot be the very closest of friends with every single person we come in contact with. It is one of life's impossibilities. But-- we can make each moment that we spend with such momentary friends genuine and worth treasuring. This is why I choose right now to end my silence and do it out of gladness. Gladness for so many friends like this one and especially for her at this very moment. I want to give thanks for each friend who reaches out moment by moment, knowing all we have are those few, but precious moments to bond our friendship together. Friends in the moment are friends for all eternity. They are the angels that pick us up when we are down, and if we blink, we might not remember who helped us along our way.

I have always adored her richly-colored red hair and how she has lipstick on almost every time I see her. This day--I want to say I will always and forever adore her for her rich heart and how she has light shining through her loving eyes every time I see her. This day, she has been one of the tender mercies God grants me every day of my life. 

celebrating the good

I wasn't sure if I should start writing on here again just yet, but I got into a downward spiral of sadness this afternoon and want to snap out of it. So, I am sharing the highlights of this Valentine's Day to remind me how blessed I am and attempt breaking out of the darkness I have allowed myself to enter into...

This was made by yours truly, at the end of January, with the help of my ever-patient sister-in-law. It was part of our table decorations at our annual Family Valentine's Day Dinner.

These lovely flowers were arranged by my sweetie autistic girl. Her peer tutor wrote in her daily notebook that she did it all by herself. I am so grateful for good teachers who come up with thoughtful and enriching activities for my girl to do. When she got off the bus with the flowers, she was so excited to give them to me that she practically shoved them into my hands!

One of our little neighbor friends wanted to give us valentines. I think his mom (one of my dear friends) gave him the idea, at least partly. It was so nice of him to address each one individually and to include me in his generosity. I must say the bucket was my favorite part of the gift.

The cookies are homemade deliciousness made by my friend whose son gave us the bucket of valentine treats. I must admit to eating way too many of them.

There were other Valentine cookies delivered last night by some other friends, but I did not think to take a snapshot prior to allowing the monkeys to eat them up. We really appreciated the surprise and thoughtfulness.

Today was hard for me to get through, and not just because of it being Valentine's Day. Life is overcrowded with burdensome issues for me right now. This holiday just brought it all into focus. It was a challenge to put together our special family dinner, but I did it. And I need to celebrate that I could do it, that I had nice food to serve my children, that I have so many friends loving and supporting me, and that my children love me so immeasurably.

To everyone who has offered their friendship to me over the past few weeks, I say thank you. With all my heart.

I  hope everyone had a lovely day.

related links:

Without Them Life Would Be Miserable 

Showing Love Makes a Difference

my slice Is poisoned...

This was the climax. A pang of exquisite suffering--a throe of true despair--rent and heaved my heart. Worn out, indeed, I was: not another step could I stir...
-- Jane Eyre

It feels unnatural to want a bit of silence when exploring my writing aptitude on here has given me so much happiness, but I am beyond words right now with emotional suffering.

My slice of life is poisoned, at the moment, with bitter sadness for the loss of my heart's dream.

I will be taking a few days, if not a week or so, off to collect the pieces of my life and figure out how to move forward with healing hope.

In the meantime, please enjoy the several posts I have written thus far, share them with friends, and leave comments whenever inspired to share your thoughts with the All Things Purple community.

Related Links:
The Slice of Life Story Challenge

Because We Are Divine

I was having an involved conversation about differing philosophies with a friend, and there were some thought-provoking things said on the topic of whether life is really only the blind leading the blind.

He asked something like what was the point of some things if we are all just students in a classroom reading from the same textbook. I must be naive and inexperienced because I have yet to have that question posed to me. Well, until now.

I didn't really know what to say for a moment because I was taken aback by such deep inquiry. That said, I now most certainly have an opinion on it. I would say I have a very passionate belief that we are not all merely students. I know we are constantly learning, from the day we draw our first breath to the last and into eternity, but we are also so very much more. People have imaginations that are beyond price and from all that wonder we are allowed unique and wonderful experiences. That is not anything a textbook can replicate; therefore, life is beyond our imaginations.

Seeking to Become - February 2012

Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.

Jeremiah 31: 3

As January passed, I worked to see when I could exercise my faith (see Seeking to Become - January 2012) and I saw it's impact. I have had major difficulties with vehicles, school, and family life that could have turned out decidedly more problematic than their potential if I had not been really trying to listen to the spirit and make choices with that guidance. I tried to focus on a theme of Be Faithful Not Fearful and I have been blessed in many ways.

Trying Something New

Since most of my readership speaks and reads in English, I must preface the following blog post. I am currently studying the Spanish language at Brigham Young University if you did not know already. I was given a writing assignment a couple weeks ago to write a mock blog post about something funny and interesting. I actually write a blog, this one, and thought to myself, If i'm gonna take the time to write this thing, it is SO way going on my blog. I am not sure how entertaining it will be, though I truly worked hard to make it interesting and funnyish. I wrote two drafts of it to get it where it is today (with the help of my teacher), so hopefully it is understandable. I am not sure how many of you will need to do a copy and drop into a translator, but go for it. I will be glad you went to the effort to comprehend the post. And most of all, thank you so much just for stopping by. It means so much to me that people read All Things Purple and come back for more. 

Showing Love Makes a Difference

Sweet Treats

Last night I was struggling with feeling loved, accepted, and even just basically liked at all (long and stupid story). Then, I heard the doorbell ring. Although it wasn't super late, I certainly was not expecting any visitors. I went downstairs to answer the door and no one was there. I had been doorbell ditched! But to my surprise, and a lovely one at that, my house had been heart-attacked.

a good old-fashioned rag session about love

Love is one of the most perplexing things for me at the moment. Love takes on so many forms when considering all the ways in which we can apply it. I love my children; I love to write; I love photography—both taking photos and appreciating the work of others; I love going to school; I love learning; I love the gospel of Jesus Christ; I love reading good books; I love teaching; I love people; I love being loved. The tricky, mixed up part about love for me right now is how I am torn in so many directions due to one particular soul not loving me. It is as if I have forgotten how to love all the other parts of my life and I struggle to keep going.