All 52 Gems of Reflection

This year I have enjoyed writing from some of the journal prompts that my mother had saved. At first, I kept it regularly scheduled, but then—I fell apart a bit. School, children, an everlasting divorce, and just life happened in full force. But I still did it for the entire year, and it feels amazing to have created a year-long tribute to my mother. With the year's passing, I am made keenly aware that it has now been over ten years since she died. So much has gone on during this time. It leads me to hope that she is watching over us all and knows of my struggles and triumphs. I hope that when we meet again, we will only need to knowingly smile and then hug for half of a year.

One last thing, thank you for all of your support by reading and sharing my writing. You make my world go 'round, and I won't ever forget it.

Enjoy!

52 Gems of Reflection Collection

1. Introduction
2. Life Lessons
3. Bring It On!
4. Every Single One 
5. Aunts and Uncles
6. Colorful Flooring
7. Ten Very Important Things
8. Movies, Pirates, and Singing
9. Fried Chicken Picnics
10. To Good Health
11. To Be Worthwhile
12. Friend Exposé
13. My Most Valuable Gems
14. How to Love
15. My Baptism Day
16. A Confessional
17. The Dark
18. Purple is Always Part of the Answer
19. Answers to Prayers
20. Chores
21. My Education
22. Christmas Trees and Other Things
23. Significantly Random
24. The Best Half Birthday of All Time
25. I Was a Quitter
26. Church Service
27. More Than a House
28. Journey of a Lifetime
29. Television: My Gateway Drug to Becoming a Fangirl
30. Overcoming Negativity
31. Family
32. Just Joy
33. A Sweet Dream
34. Christmas Music
35. Dirt Clods and Board Games
36. Elusive and Beautiful
37. Uniquely Talented
38. Healthy Living
39. Snow!
40. Books and More Books
41. Game Playing
42. Memories of Childhood Friends
43. The Present
44. A Good Kiss Makes Everything Special
45. Memories of San Francisco
46. A Philosophy of Faith
47. Family By Choice
48. A Lasting Bond
49. Piles of Friends
50. Jobs
51. Thoughts on School
52. Forever Love

forever love

52.

I can't think of a better way to finish up this year-long writing challenge honoring my mother than by writing about one of the most special days of her life. Some of what I share with you might not be accurate because both of my parents are gone now and I can't ask the only authorities on the subject. However, I will do my best to share only what I believe is true.

My mom's sister made her wedding dress. It was a fitted dress with a high waist and a blue ribbon. It was very 1970s to be sure, and she pulled it off beautifully. My mom was a very talented seamstress, so I'm not sure why her sister made it. I'm thinking it was due to time and my aunt wanting to do something nice for my mom.

The wedding was simple. My parents were married in her parents' home on Sandy Lane with close friends and family in attendance. Since my grandpa is a baker by profession, he made the wedding cake. It had daisies on it from what I can tell in photographs.

One year later, my parents were sealed in the Los Angeles Temple, making the marriage one that would be bound into eternity. I'm thankful for their example of fortitude, forgiveness, and love. I would not be who I am today without their decision to marry and stick with it through better and worse.

And to have such a lovely mother has been a treasure I carry with me, in my heart, always.

thoughts on school

51.

I don't know if I should talk about such a sore subject right now. Just kidding. But seriously, I have hardly been out of school for my entire existence, so I don't really know how I feel.

I loved elementary school. Junior high was full of adventure and hard times. High school was a period of hardship, discovery, and even more adventures. My college phase was split between young single adult issues and young mother issues. And now my university experience has been fraught with marital strife and burgeoning with exponential learning.

As I reflect on my school experience as a whole, I see how everything has always had balance to it. I might not have been able to see how everything balanced out at the time—and I struggle currently to see it all—but school has always provided a facet of consistent balance in my life. I feel at home when I am learning new things at school.

Maybe that's why I'm crazy enough to want to be a teacher.

jobs

50.

I haven't had very many jobs compared to some people, but here goes. Don't laugh.

Miller's Outpost, where I learned to fold t-shirts the right way; Mervyns, temporary second job; Wet Seal, when I thought I was a hottie and wanted a job to prove it; Villa Pizza, waitress; Coffee Beanery, store opener and where I became addicted to coffee; California Hotel, credit giver and take away-er; babysitter; crossing guard; and, saving the best for last, stay at home mom

I'm currently working on adding freelance editor, published author, and English teacher extraordinaire to the list.

piles of friends

49.

Wow. I don't even know how to get started on this list! I have many people I consider my friends now. Maybe I'm too generous in my definition of what a friend looks like, but I don't think that's a negative thing.

All of these piles of friends I've got are important to me because I know that each one of them has been guided to me. The love and care I am given by every person adds up to blessings immeasurable. I can hardly think about all the love and support I've been given by friends without crying. I could not ask for more. And my gratitude exceeds my ability to express it. I have been given so much.

a lasting bond

48.

It might sound ridiculous coming from a divorced woman, but I would like to share my firm belief in the importance of marriage.

To begin, I will define marriage as a loving, committed relationship between a man and woman. Mine did not last, but I did my best to be loving and committed until I realized that I needed to get away for my own good. That might not make sense to you, but it does to me—unfortunately.

I know that a lasting marriage is possible; I've seen them in real life. My best friend has one. My parents had one. And there are many other people out there who have been able to somehow find someone to share a true marriage bond with. Therefore, I continue to hope for someone special to come my way who will reciprocate love and acceptance—and want to do what it takes to stay.

family by choice

47.

I'm not really into favoritism and never really have been, so I don't like this writing prompt very much. Instead of splitting hairs over a bunch of people who all do or should love me, I will make a short list of special memories I have with a few of the ones who have come to our family by choice.

1. Aunt Sherrie (wife of Sam)
I won't ever forget her french braiding my hair before we all piled in the car to head over to Disneyland. To this day, that memory is called to the front of my mind when I see my Aunt Sherrie.

2. Uncle Chris (husband of Marilyn)
Until I moved closer to my Aunt Marilyn, I never really knew Uncle Chris. But I have grown to truly love and admire him for his disinterested kindness and unassuming sense of humor since being around their family more.

3. Aunt Pat (wife of Bill)
When I was really young, I remember sitting in my aunt and uncle's kitchen in the morning after a sleepover with my cousin Melinda. Aunt Pat was cooking up something that I thought was cream of wheat, but when she served it I was thrown off by the different texture and flavor. When I think of my Aunt Pat, I think of grits with warm butter and loving kindness.

4. Aunt Ellen (wife of Ben)
I've never felt so loved and accepted by any other aunt who I've seen so little of. Every time I am with my Aunt Ellen, she makes me feel important, respected, and loved.

There are more special memories of aunts and uncles. I'm truly blessed to have so many aunts and uncles who love me.

Related links:

aunts and uncles

aunts

family: it's what's for dinner

a philosophy of faith

46.

Death often comes with at least a touch of fear, but I do not fear death itself. I fear leaving my children while they still need me and I do not have my affairs in order. However, my faith in God tells me that He will not allow me to leave this existence until they would be taken care of by someone who would watch over them or they are old enough to be on their own and ready.

I have lost enough loved ones to know that my faith is grounded in truth. It never feels good to lose a loved one because we miss them. We mourn with bitter tears because our faith is tested to the brink. I know. Every day that I don't have my own mother here to call on the phone or get a hug or even receive chastisement from I am tested. Yet, somehow I know that it will all be okay and that she did not leave a moment too soon. It was her time. In my lingering grief, I know she needed to go so I could finish growing up.

Death is the parting of the body and soul in a temporary separation until Christ's Second Coming. Until then, I will cling to my hope of happy reunion with my parents and all the loved ones I've met and those who have long since passed on that I will meet when we are brought together once this earthly veil is lifted from my eyes. It will be a time of learning and loving and knowing. I look forward to eternal life.


I'd like to share a video with you. I was introduced to this song shortly after my mother passed away, so it holds a special place in my heart and always will. It seems to capture all the hopes and dreams my mother had for me, while also whispering to me that we will be together again.

And so you know, I can't ever hear this song without crying. I will miss hearing my mother's voice and feeling her kind and loving arms around me every day until we are reunited in the after-life.




related links:

missing her and waiting

ten years ago today

light now dimmed

my hope for eternity

heaven sent

memories of San Francisco

45.

This prompt is loaded with an assumption that I want to talk about my married years that have already occurred. I really don't feel like reminiscing on that period of my life just yet. But, in the interest of posterity, I will share a memory.

It was over a decade ago and we were headed to San Francisco. I grew up loving that city. My parents took my brothers and me on a family trip there. That's when I fell in love with riding trolleys and looking out across the bay to the Golden Gate Bridge. Trips to San Francisco for a couple of choir competitions in high school sealed the deal though. There is nothing quite like being set loose with a handful of great friends in an amazing place. My only regret from my high school trips is that I didn't kiss anyone in San Francisco. I guess that might be why I still needed to go back.

We went for a three-day weekend. First thing off the plane and in the hotel room was unmentionable, then we hit up Chinatown for some delicious lunch, choosing the most randomly authentic looking Chinese restaurant we could find. And it was perfection. By the time we finished eating, it was raining, but that didn't stop us from our exploration. We walked all over the place, heading to Fisherman's Wharf and the beach, and then at nightfall, we were crossing the Golden Gate Bridge on foot. I did not account for the rocking, and it freaked me out! We were almost halfway across when I realized how far up I was, over the ocean, on a manmade contraption, and my little children were at home, far away, without their mother. And to top it all off—it was windy. I became frozen with fear that I would fall somehow and became irrational. I was crying and so upset that he had to hold me really close and walk me back to firm ground. Just thinking about it now makes me feel like a big baby, but whatever. We caught a trolley back to downtown and found a hole in the wall pizza place that had the best New York style pizza I've ever had. When I ordered a slice of plain cheese, they handed me a fourth of a pizza on a plate. Good thing I was hungry, because I would have eaten it all even if I hadn't been so hungry.

So anyways. It was a fantastic trip, and I will admit it wasn't too painful to think about it all. I do hope to go back to San Francisco under new circumstances some day. My only regrets now for San Francisco are that I haven't been to the opera and Alcatraz. And I might even try walking across the bridge but only in broad daylight.

a good kiss makes everything special

44.

To be honest with you, I am having a hard time whittling down the list to just one special date. I am easy to please, so I think that might be partly to blame for me believing so many dates were special. The real question would be to ask the guys on this list of mine for their take on the dates. But since none of those sweethearts are here, I will make a list of a few of my favorites.

1. When I was 16, my steady boyfriend at the time, David, was only 15, and neither of us were allowed to (officially) date until 16. So, being the dutiful and kind girlfriend that I was, I waited to go on that first official date until he turned 16. Then, his family was busy with moving around his birthday, so we had to wait a bit more. I can't tell you how much I was anticipating this date. The poor guy. So anyways, we went to see a movie (I can't remember which movie) and stopped at Wendy's. I remember eating a frosty in front of my house and then some not even close to first kisses.

2. The second half of high school was filled with a second steady boyfriend (the first one moved, remember?). Erik was one grade behind me, so all my friends said I was robbing the cradle. We had no clue what we were talking about. So, to get to the point, I think he knew I was something else being an "older woman" and all, so he would get romantic and creative. I have always loved surprises, so anytime he came up with some idea for a picnic or going for a drive, I was wrapped around his little finger. However, one of the most special dates with Erik was when we went on a ski trip to Big Bear for his nineteenth birthday. We got all dressed up and ate at the best restaurant in the lodge. It was lovely and romantic with snow piled everywhere. The setting was immaculate and so was the company. The kisses at that dinner table alone were delicious.

3. Last but not least, I have this friend Jimy. He and I "dated" before I was allowed to date, so when I was around nineteen and in the midst of a breakup from Erik, he asked me out on an official date. We had become very good friends; I would talk to him about my troubles and he could make me laugh like no other. Therefore, he blurred the line some with that invitation. But, I've always been one to walk the line, so I said yes. I had known Jimy for about five years at this point, so I should not have been nervous, but I was. I think it was the part about him telling me to be sure to dress up. After picking me up, he drove us to the Rio where they had a nice Italian restaurant inside. The place was dripping with romance. I'm big on details like chandeliers, candles, and fresh flowers, and I'm pretty sure Jimy set me up. The meal was perfect and so was the date. I had forgotten how good he kissed until he reminded me that night. Wow.

So, the moral (not sure if that's the best word choice but whatever) of these stories is that it all boils down to if the boy can kiss or not. Just kidding. But seriously, as I reflected on all the best of times, they were all sealed with amazingly beautiful kisses.

P.S.

For your further enjoyment, here is a silly video about kisses. Warning: it's as corny as a corn dog.

the present

43.

As I read this writing prompt, I almost laughed, cried, and yelled all at the same time. My life has been and continues to be a trial by fire. I think it's because I'm just a little too wicked for my own good, so God has to keep me in check so I don't get too far gone.

As I reflect on all of life's trials, I would have to say that the one we are currently experiencing would be the most trying. While I can recall how much I suffered in the past, it all pales in comparison to the present, even though those trials were severe, tragic, and the most trying experiences at the time. Time does heal wounds.

All of that said, it stands as proof for how I will get through my current trials--once they are laid to rest in the past where they belong.

memories of childhood friends

42.

I had a lot of special friends when I was younger, so I don't really know how to choose just one! So, I won't. The only thing I worry about is if I forget someone. If you're reading this and you're one of my awesome friends from childhood, leave a comment and I will edit this. I don't want to leave out any of you.

A Handful of the Most Awesome Friends List

Teresa: playing at the park until late at night with her family, eating soup during the blazing Las Vegas summer in the shade of her tree in the front yard, walking to school together, learning to eat with chopsticks because there weren't any forks
Diana: rollerskating until we drop, making out with our pillows, homemade Orange Julius, the raging bonfire in my backyard
Tammy: Barbies, bypassing her house alarm and climbing out her bedroom window, traipsing around the neighborhood in the black of night, flocked Christmas trees
Sarah and Becky: Tang tea parties, scones, clogging, sleeping on trampolines, piling on layers and layers of clothes to play strip poker until we got down to decent exposure, "ballroom dancing"
My cousin, Sara: picking on the little cousins, giggling endlessly about nothing, peanut butter and chocolate bars at the beach in grandma's car, one of the best pen pals ever, "That chaps my hide!"

game playing

41.

When I was growing up, Monopoly was my absolute favorite game of all time, but as time goes on I'm not so sure anymore. I still love to play Monopoly, but I have become much less exclusive. Playing chess has become something I like even though I'm not that great at it. Scrabble, Taboo, Jenga, Apples to Apples, Battleship, and many more are seriously the bee's knees in my book. I can't and won't choose a favorite. I will say that my favorite thing about games is that you're playing them with others, and that's what makes them so fun--win or lose.

books and more books

40. 

Books are a beloved topic for me. I was an early reader and have learned to love many books and authors, so I don't really have a particular favorite per se, but I have more of a list of most favorites which can fluctuate with my mood. 

That said, the best fiction novel of all time does happen to be Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I really loved the classics my mom would read to us when I was a child, like Stuart Little, Where the Wild Things Are, and others. As a teenager, I really got into Jane Eyre, Wide Sargasso Sea, The Good Earth, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and A Wrinkle in Time. As an adult, I have come to love many series of books, including Chronicles of Narnia, Anne of Green Gables, Matched, Twilight, and Hunger Games. I also have appreciated Paradise by Toni Morrison, Lord of the Flies, Hatchet, Gone With the Wind, and more. 

There have been many, many more books, but these are the ones that come to mind. 

I have a small collection of book reviews for your reading pleasure, if you want to find a good book or two to get started on something new. Check the table of contents on the right side bar of the blogsite, then click reviews to see the several titles. 

More on Jane Eyre: Jane's Silence

snow!

39.

It snowed only a couple of times ever while I was growing up in Las Vegas. It was a rare treat that never stuck for long when it did grace us with its presence. I think that's partly why I love snow so much. There is something so magical to me about snow. Many people love Las Vegas because of its warm temperatures, but give me the snow!

I wrote about some things we did to enjoy the the snow here: The Snow Lay on the Ground

healthy living

38.

I don't know how I feel about these two questions! But here goes.

My secret to good health is probably to enjoy it while it lasts, and then go to the doctor when it isn't so good. I do believe in hand washing religiously. My children and I are not sick very often, and I attribute that to my demanding of them to wash hands when we come home from places such as school, stores, playing with friends, and so on. It's so simple, but I think it helps.

And now to how it is to live with me? Good grief.

I like having help from anyone who lives with me regardless of age. That expectation can get me feeling impatient, and I don't like that. So, I try to find ways to communicate what I need, and I hope things aren't too bad for anyone living with me. Well, my kids can just get over it, but you know what I mean. As of late, I have been quite the definition of a hot mess as far as my bedroom, study, and craft room go, so my disorganized state might bother some people. I am really looking forward to Christmas break just so I can unwind and get things organized! Maybe I will become easier to live with then.

uniquely talented

37.

One talent I can think of right off the top of my head that was handed down to me is being able to talk to anyone. My dad used to embarrass me so much in grocery stores and on the side of the road, but now I see why he did it, and I do it, too. He'd stop anyone who looked distressed and ask how they were doing--and really want to know the answer. I remember one time when he had a feeling about a guy walking down the street as we were driving down the road. He said that guy looks like he needs help, so he stopped and asked him if he could use a ride, and the man said yes. Long story short, the man ended up needing money, shelter, and someone to care for his daughter while he found work or something in another state. I'm not sure how long his daughter was with us, but I remember sharing my room for what I thought was a week or two.

That brings me to another talent that has been passed down to me. My parents had an open door to anyone who needed somewhere to stay. We had cousins in and out of our house like there was a revolving door, and many aunts and uncles had a turn at the family hotel. Everyone knew that if they were having a tough time themselves or with their children, my parents would welcome them with no judgment and offer all the assistance possible. Even a stranger from the side of the road could tell my parents could be trusted with his child so he could get on his feet.

These might not seem like talents in a traditional sense, but they truly are talents, and I have embraced them. I haven't quite mastered some aspects, but I believe that I was handed down the talent of being seen as someone people can tell things to, as well as someone who maintains a home where people can come to feel loved.

I'm not perfect at them yet, but these are two talents that I try to cultivate and hope to master before my life is done.

elusive and beautiful

36. 

I admire humility. There is something elusive and beautiful about the trait. I don't seem to know how to do humility very well without being forced into it by severe trials and challenges in life, but hey, whatever it takes, right? I can see how it is becoming part of me more and more each passing day; however, I promise you it doesn't come naturally to me some days still. My loud-mouth ways are enough to keep humility at bay forever. 

I'd like to hear from any of you about a personality trait that you admire. Leave a comment or tweet me. 

dirt clods and board games

35.

Just the other day, I was telling a friend about some of the best times I can remember with my brothers. We used to have these merciless dirt clod fights out in the way back yard, but we were also big on board games with our mom. We'd play Monopoly for hours on end like it was to the death, and we'd always try but could never beat mom at Scrabble. It was a given that whoever got second place was the winner of the kids. My dad was pretty much AWOL during these times. I think he needed some alone time away from the hyperactive electricity that would take over his children when we'd put on our competitive hats. 

My friend asked how I was able to make it through those dirt clod fights. Well, I'm not quite sure exactly, probably by the grace of God really (my future children needed their mother), but I think I made it through relatively unscathed because I was fighting for my life up against a ton of boys and trying to look tough while usually being the only girl at the fight all at the same time. Somehow I never could win since I was always outnumbered; it didn’t matter which team I was on. If I was on the team, that team was somehow the loser. I think there was some sexism going on there, but we won't get into that. It must have been quite the sight to see me up in that tree house, the only girl, hurling dirt clods as fast and hard as I could. I used to try to find ones with rocks in them especially for getting any older boys who might be there. My mean streak was most likely fostered during this time out of pure necessity. And at the end of them, I’d come out of those fights completely covered in a fine layer of dirt. My hair was by far the worst, but nasty dirty patent leather mary janes are not as girly all of a sudden, too. 

Now, I've given up at throwing dirt clods with rocks for fun, but I love playing Monopoly and Scrabble even though I don't have the chance as often as I'd like. All this talk about games is telling me I need to find some friends to have a game night with soon! 

Christmas music

34.

I don't know what the deal is with all this Christmas stuff in August, but as I've said before, it just proves that the slips of paper are randomly chosen.

When I was little, all the Christmases were a blur of sparkling lights, cookies, candies, wrapping paper, and gifts. You could hardly walk across the floor once everyone's gifts were opened for all the paper strewn across it. But setting gifts aside, my parents always took time to teach us about Christ's birth being the center of everything, and my mom made it happen by infusing the season with music: singing songs to and with us, playing the most high brow Christmas selections on the record or tape players, playing sacred hymns and carols on the piano, taking us to concerts for Handel's Messiah, and participating first-hand in Christmas caroling as a family.

Christmas was shaped for me then into a permanent form. Christmas is not Christmas enough unless there is music filling the air as often as possible.