my Jesus

I love the way you make me feel when the skies are clear

And everything from before now and looking toward heaven is near

Family is all I can think about and dream about and hope for

I look at the past, present, and future, and realize you are an open door

Leading me to forever, leading me to always

Leading me to the best of everything God could give

Because you are the way home, showing the way

As I strive to make it through the strife and live. 

You are the light I need;

You are my friend indeed.

Redeemer, My Teacher

You are my light that keeps

    me in the fight. 

You lift my burden when 

    life is uncertain. 

Your love brings me home when

    I am alone. 

Your strength gives me hope when

    I cannot cope. 

The Garden, the tears, the nails—

All bring me to my knees in 

    prayer, faith, and humility. 

I believe

I believe in God

Who is my Father true. 

I believe He made a plan 

To guide me and you. 

I believe the world is where

I will find my treasure 

When I seek in faith and love

Without measure. 

His Gift

The Lamb rose on that Sabbath morn

Tranformed into our resurrected Lord

And glory be to God for saving us through Him

Life taken in order to give 

Eternal life to all

that friday

Sacrifice—exhale 

Darkness blankets all the earth 

Light, life, shall rise—soon

awake and shine

I woke today to wrench myself alive

With thoughts and senses riding high (henceforth)

To be a mighty woman this day sent forth

To work and pray and be my best and thrive

Remind me why the world decries the good

That comes to us through Christ the Lord, the Son

Of God who did in fact arise when done 

With sacrifice, with death, the One least understood

When I do find a friend who shows God's love

The day becomes my source of power strong

With light arriving fast and sure—left on

For me and you and all who try to love 

The world awakes to us in heart and mind

To find the joy in every spark and shine

the truth

Christ, the Word, the Son,

He is our Brother and Friend, 

An eternal Light for the World 

Whose charity never ends. 

Beaming warmth of gospel goodness

As the Father calls us to Him, 

The Bread of Life invites us to 

Follow, look, and live. 

This Jesus, our Redeemer, 

Proved and proves His love

With that matchless and infinite sacrifice made

As he suffered while pleading to Father above. 

answers

In my deepest sorrow that looks like rain

On rain on rain, 

God sees my pain. 

In my darkest night that looks like pain 

On pain on pain, 

God sees my heart. 

Within my shrillest cries that sound like a broken heart 

On broken heart on broken heart, 

God hears my sliver of hope. 

Within my slightest slivers of hope that sound like prayers

On prayers on prayers, 

God hears my pleading and answers it with His love. 

faithfulness

Believe in something 

More than what is before you

Restore devotion

gift of grace

I can hardly imagine life without the thought
That I can rise again
That I can see them again
That we will be together forever.

I recognize the beauty of the gift
That Jesus rose from the grave
That I can experience His grace
That we will be forgiven and eternally live.

I give thanks to God for this love
That I am able to feel so much
That I have enough to multiply and give
That others might feel the warmth of this faith.

The ultimate beauty of Christ's sacrifice and death
For me and for you he gave with his last and first breath.

anointing oil

I wonder where to turn for peace
When the waves keep crashing down
I turn to look toward heaven, and I see Him
Anointing my head with oil

Day to day, I find myself up and down
And up again
Surprisingly, the lows keep me trying as I see Him
Anointing my head with oil

Taking moments to breathe it all in to capture joy,
Then to let it flow despite the onslaught of trouble
Because He is always there, I see Him
Anointing my head with oil

Turning for peace toward the One who saves
As He daily anoints my head with oil

room to grow

Standing at the base
Looking heavenward
Imagining eternity

Faith overtakes my breath
Hope instead within my chest
Charity guiding my every step

Blue skies forever are what I see
Outside and inside
On the surface and within

Brick upon brick cemented together with light
The layers of my faith
Building something that holds weight

Windows to look through
Windows to reflect
Windows to see out and in and up

Shelter me from the storms that attempt to break
Help me find my way today that I may feel His joy
Ready me for forever that there will be room to grow

singing to the prophet

Have you ever checked off a bucket list item you didn't even know would/should be on your bucket list until after it happened?

Today that happened for me.

I performed with a church choir that sang for a spiritual conference meeting for our neighborhood area called a stake conference. We practiced over the past 6-8 weeks to sing at this event, and even though the number of practices were few, I struggled to get there with all that is going on for my family. But I was especially invited by my friend, the choir director, to join, so I made a special effort to make it happen. And I am completely grateful that I did.

The choir members were all seated in the choir seats on the stand at the front of the chapel. People were flooding into the congregational seating. There were just a few minutes until the service was to begin, and then everyone arose from their seats. I didn't see what the cause was, but I was not going to be weird and not stand. I caught a glimpse of a man and woman who I hadn't seen at church but somehow knew them walking to take a seat just across from me…and then my brain caught up and realized it was the prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, who walked in with his wife, Wendy.

For anyone who has even heard of President Nelson, they know what a caring and spiritual man he is. And I never thought I'd ever get to sing for any prophet, let alone sing for them in my little neighborhood church house.

My heart is flooded with joy right now—for the opportunity, for my friend inviting me and my fortitude to keep going, and for the prophet to be so inspired as to come share his presence and wisdom with my friends, neighbors, and myself.

I want to add that I can't sing very well anymore, so I was hesitant to agree to joining the stake conference choir, but I decided to do my best and just give my heart to the effort. I am blessed now by the experience. When we were singing, President Nelson turned around from his seat as we were behind him and watched us sing. He smiled and looked at me as I was singing with the choir, and the spirit of rejoicing was great.

To be so close as I listened to the prophet speak about what we need to teach our children, about being good citizens and the importance of doing family history and sharing those stories, reminding us of the importance of reading from the scriptures with our children.

Then, when his wife and he were leaving after the meeting, he was shaking hands with the other speakers before they had to go, he stood directly across from me, and I was singing along with other people as the organist played "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet" as he stood before me. I never knew I'd ever want to sing that closely and so personally to a prophet of God, but I just did it today.

I hope I never forget the strength and peace I felt as I stood in a prophet's presence.

Seeking to Become - November 2017

As I connect that this is the final Sunday of November, I realize that I haven't written my Seeking to Become segment that I intended to write one of these Sundays. So here we are!

I'm thinking about how thankful I am for the scriptures and this writing and reading challenge that I've put myself up to. There are times in our lives when we are our own best friend, and I'd say that this Seeking to Become challenge falls under that category. I've helped myself to hold to the iron rod of faith through this tool, so I owe my past self for seizing the day and keeping on keeping at it.

There is something about having a goal to look forward to. It keeps me looking ahead despite the hard times. These monthly goals keep me working on my flaws and weaknesses. I am a good person, but I struggle with keeping a charitable attitude at times. My appreciation overflows for how I am guided and calmed by the spirit as I read and ponder and set goals.

For this coming month of December, I want to focus on charity, the pure love of Christ, as Christmas is near with the scripture found in Alma 7:24 in the Book of Mormon as a motto:

And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. 

I hope to abound in good works this coming month that reflect the charity I hope to cultivate and share with others. I hope you will join me.

working on sunday

Not sure who even cares about the topic, but I do, so I'm going to talk about it.

I've been a Sabbath Day keeper for most of my life, but I never thought about how my choice affects others. I just stay home and spend my time on my family and service and spiritual things, so that's all there is to it, right?

Well, my oldest got a job working full-time, and he works on Sundays now. Since we are used to being together for Sundays, we have been trying to take him a warm dinner when he works. I wasn't prepared to see how full the parking lot is every week. And another thing I wasn't prepared for was hearing how things are so busy, and that's why so many people are scheduled to work.

If more people stayed home on Sundays, more people who want to be home with their family could do so. My staying home actually helps other Sabbath keepers to have the freedom to stay home too. It's a collective thing that I never realized its reach.

It's upsetting that we can't spend our traditional family time regrouping for the week because so many people don't care about nor acknowledge Sunday as a day of rest. I wish more people stayed home since their choices most assuredly affect my family and me. I've started praying about it, and I guess right now I'm speaking out about it even if it's in a small way. I hope it helps somehow.

And that's all I'll say about that. 

all of this and more

Arms around me in my loneliness
A friend when feeling friendless
Hope when hope is lost

Understanding in my confusion
A brother who reaches out forever
Truth when surrounded by lies

Hands to follow in my ignorance
A Savior when I fall and always
Love when solitude is an enemy

My friend, brother, and Savior, Jesus Christ
Reaches me when I have nothing
Comforts me and loves me—shelters me

I remember

When there is nothing more I can do
For myself
By myself
To help myself

When life overwhelms and underwhelms

When nothing is working
No matter what I do to change

When no one seems to understand
Or care
Or believe in me
Or want to stay around

When my heart is
Broken
Missing
Hurting
Wanting

When the sun doesn't seem to shine for me . . .

I remember the One who made life possible
I remember my God and Savior
I remember Jesus Christ


And I let in the love and peace
He offers to me
Until again I feel seen

Because of Him
There will be enough
Love
Kindness
Charity
Hope
To get me where I can rest
Where I will be loved and free
Because of who I am
A daughter of God divine

Seeking to Become - March 2017

 Today, I am thinking about how education opens doors of opportunity but also how it can close others in the process—depending upon our choices.

Throughout my college education (and even still), I checked myself for feeling as if I am too grand or above others. I would pray for humility and understanding. I didn't like what I'd seen so far of people who decided that their faith was nothing the more they learned of secular things. I did not want to become faithless as I sought to better my lot in life.

When I was searching the scriptures for a quality to cultivate, this scripture was the one that stood out most:

"But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." 

2 Nephi 9:29

These words speak to my soul. It reminded me of when I would pray to be humble in my learning. We are taught to learn all we can, for knowledge and our family are all we take into eternity with us. The clothes we wear and house we live in and car that we drive won't be coming with us—just what we know and our family.

That scripture tells me that there is nothing inherently wrong with being a know-it-all even, so long as you know you don't know it all. Christ's example of learning, teaching, and sharing with others in humility shows us how to go about gaining our knowledge. We must not forget by whom we are able to learn, grow, and enjoy life itself.

I hope you will join me in seeking to become more like Jesus Christ in the aspect of how we use our knowledge for good—for ourselves and in serving God.

Seeking to Become - February 2017

It has been so very long since I shared my scripture reading and spiritual goals with all of you. Maybe it's because I don't feel safe to share. Maybe part of it is because I've been hanging on by a thread. But I do want to share and hang onto hope and my faith in God and good things to come. So—I will try to begin again. A fresh start on this thing.

I've been reading this one passage, 2 Nephi 4:16-20, in the Book of Mormon (along with continuing further on) nearly every day for the past month to remind myself of who I am and how I want to be and to whom I should look for comfort:

16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
 20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

I have been wretched. I have done things I wish I had more strength to withstand. Even still, I can attest that God has been my support through my sorrows and challenges, both self-created and subjected to by others—my wilderness. I have been upheld by my faith in God and his Son, Jesus Christ. The power I have felt keeping me afloat when I can only see myself sinking has been awe inspiring. I have been preserved through such sadness that I might keep going to help my family and myself. 

This coming month, I hope to seek to become more trusting in His support. I want to do better at remembering that I will receive what I need because I always have—somehow. I hope that anyone who might read this will please join me. I would very much like to hear from anyone wanting to try this experiment with me. 

scriptures

Ask me twenty years ago if I'd be thankful for the scriptures, and I'd have laughed at you—to your face. Thank goodness that twenty years has a whole lot of changing in it. 

The truth is that I don't read the scriptures as much as I believe would be best, but that does not change the fact that I recognize their worth. I am surrounded daily by the influence of my knowledge gained from studying them. The comfort and guidance that I find within pages of holy writing continues to be incalculable. It's all the more a miracle in that I've read over some scriptures so many times at different times in my life, and the same ones have helped me in different ways. 

It takes faith to open up the word of God and apply it to your life, to give it a chance to change you. I'm thankful that I used that mustard seed of faith I had and let it grow. My life is so different and so much better than it was when I was a young adult. I know who I am and where I want to be. And that's something to be thankful for too.