Seeking to Become - November 2017

As I connect that this is the final Sunday of November, I realize that I haven't written my Seeking to Become segment that I intended to write one of these Sundays. So here we are!

I'm thinking about how thankful I am for the scriptures and this writing and reading challenge that I've put myself up to. There are times in our lives when we are our own best friend, and I'd say that this Seeking to Become challenge falls under that category. I've helped myself to hold to the iron rod of faith through this tool, so I owe my past self for seizing the day and keeping on keeping at it.

There is something about having a goal to look forward to. It keeps me looking ahead despite the hard times. These monthly goals keep me working on my flaws and weaknesses. I am a good person, but I struggle with keeping a charitable attitude at times. My appreciation overflows for how I am guided and calmed by the spirit as I read and ponder and set goals.

For this coming month of December, I want to focus on charity, the pure love of Christ, as Christmas is near with the scripture found in Alma 7:24 in the Book of Mormon as a motto:

And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. 

I hope to abound in good works this coming month that reflect the charity I hope to cultivate and share with others. I hope you will join me.

Seeking to Become - October 2017

It's been two months since my last challenge, but this is better than the track record before that one! So I am feeling good. While I'm on the topic of progress, I want to add that I have been pondering what to focus on, so it's not as if the challenge has been completely off my mind, so that's good too.

I've had change on my mind lately. Everything about my life seems to be on the table for possible change within the next year or less actually. I just don't know what or when. Therefore, I have become reflective and immersed in trying to feel the gratitude that is warranted in my life—not taking things for granted, so I can know what needs to hold firm and not let go in this sweeping motion of change. I have room to improve in the gratitude department, but this reflection process has helped me to better appreciate what I have.

As I've worked on developing gratitude, I decided to focus on finding scriptures that have the words rejoice and joy in them. It has drawn my eye toward some familiar scriptures as well as ones that I have seemed to gloss right over and seem new to me! I've really loved discovering so many uplifting and meaningful passages as I seek to grow. One such scripture is found in 2 Nephi 4:30 of the Book of Mormon:

Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.

To praise God forever is what I want to do. I seek to be a rejoicing and thankful person. As the month of November draws nigh, you will be hearing from me a great deal more as I do my annual gratitude challenge. I want the gratitude challenge to have a strong theme of rejoicing in what God has given to me.

I invite anyone who would like to participate this coming month in rejoicing in God and counting blessings to leave comments each day or a link to your own blog each day. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Seeking to Become: August 2017

Not sure what's wrong with me, but I haven't been doing this thing here for a while. I've wanted to, yet it just hasn't been enough to actually get to it. And even now, it's at the last of my Sunday when I'm squeezing it in because I really want to try and not let it go down the drain.

Change is at the helm lately. So very much change. My heart is broken, family life is drastically different in surprising ways, and I feel that change is still in the air, so I'm bracing for it. I truly want some respite though, but isn't that a myth at this stage in life? Seriously. I'm pretty sure I won't get a break until I'm dead. So anyway.

You might wonder how all of these ramblings fit into my seeking to become more Christ-like. It fits because the scriptures I've been pondering and letting sink in teach me that everything will be alright.

27 Thus we may see the the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name.
28 Yea, thus we see that the gate of heaven is open unto all, even to those who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God.
Helaman 3:27-28

If there is anything I try to be it is sincere in my prayers and all areas of my life even. I see the mercy of God poured out for my children and me as we travail this existence. There is so much hope in these words. I am encouraged by the promises. I need mercy. The example set here is another facet of how to be more like Jesus as well. The gate is open for all who will believe. ALL. Not some. All. Who am I to think I might not make so long as I am doing my best to follow the gospel of Jesus Christ. I want to recognize the blessings of mercy and faith better.

I want to focus this month on praying more and believing with more purity of heart. I hope you might join me.

Seeking to Become - March 2017

 Today, I am thinking about how education opens doors of opportunity but also how it can close others in the process—depending upon our choices.

Throughout my college education (and even still), I checked myself for feeling as if I am too grand or above others. I would pray for humility and understanding. I didn't like what I'd seen so far of people who decided that their faith was nothing the more they learned of secular things. I did not want to become faithless as I sought to better my lot in life.

When I was searching the scriptures for a quality to cultivate, this scripture was the one that stood out most:

"But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." 

2 Nephi 9:29

These words speak to my soul. It reminded me of when I would pray to be humble in my learning. We are taught to learn all we can, for knowledge and our family are all we take into eternity with us. The clothes we wear and house we live in and car that we drive won't be coming with us—just what we know and our family.

That scripture tells me that there is nothing inherently wrong with being a know-it-all even, so long as you know you don't know it all. Christ's example of learning, teaching, and sharing with others in humility shows us how to go about gaining our knowledge. We must not forget by whom we are able to learn, grow, and enjoy life itself.

I hope you will join me in seeking to become more like Jesus Christ in the aspect of how we use our knowledge for good—for ourselves and in serving God.

Seeking to Become - February 2017

It has been so very long since I shared my scripture reading and spiritual goals with all of you. Maybe it's because I don't feel safe to share. Maybe part of it is because I've been hanging on by a thread. But I do want to share and hang onto hope and my faith in God and good things to come. So—I will try to begin again. A fresh start on this thing.

I've been reading this one passage, 2 Nephi 4:16-20, in the Book of Mormon (along with continuing further on) nearly every day for the past month to remind myself of who I am and how I want to be and to whom I should look for comfort:

16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
 20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

I have been wretched. I have done things I wish I had more strength to withstand. Even still, I can attest that God has been my support through my sorrows and challenges, both self-created and subjected to by others—my wilderness. I have been upheld by my faith in God and his Son, Jesus Christ. The power I have felt keeping me afloat when I can only see myself sinking has been awe inspiring. I have been preserved through such sadness that I might keep going to help my family and myself. 

This coming month, I hope to seek to become more trusting in His support. I want to do better at remembering that I will receive what I need because I always have—somehow. I hope that anyone who might read this will please join me. I would very much like to hear from anyone wanting to try this experiment with me. 

Seeking to Become - October 2016

It has been a rough time, a busy and emotional time, since the last Seeking to Become post. Reflecting on my troubles, there are many scriptures to focus on that could help me. I have been striving to strengthen my spiritual foundation as I work to understand my life's path, and I believe that sometimes it is difficult to remember where the good things come from when we have so much good and bad being thrown at us. Knowing whence good originates can help with discerning what to keep in our lives and what to cut loose. And so, this month especially, I've been wanting to sort through what is best in my life. I came across a scripture in Moroni 10:18 that has touched my heart:

And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that every good gift cometh of Christ. 

It doesn't say one good gift or even some, it says every good gift. So while I'm counting my blessings this upcoming month, I will strive to be more aware of who is blessing me. Through Christ, we are able to return to live with God, and every day in every good gift, we can see how his work is making a difference. We can understand why we meet certain people and how they are gifts from God and our Savior to help us as we make our way home.

Join me this month in seeking to become more like Christ through understanding what he gives to us and how it all is for our good.

Seeking to Become - September 2016

Last month as I commemorated five years of doing this thing, I began contemplating the idea of adding more to my monthly scripture focus. Up until now, I have solely shared scriptures from the Old and New Testaments from the King James Version of the Holy Bible. For five years, I have left out a big part of my spiritual life and the scriptures I believe to be true and helpful in seeking to become like our Savior. I'm speaking of The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. 

Beginning this month, I will reference scriptures from The Book of Mormon, so that will be assumed in my citations.

So to commence this new chapter of my challenge, I have pondered what scripture would be best. What would help me to focus on and what would help someone who happens to read this and want to join me in this seeking that I speak of—this seeking to become more like Jesus—to follow his example and guidance. In Mosiah 4:9-10, I have found a great treasure of guidance:

 9 Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.
 10 And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them.

I have been feeling pretty low as of late. I've been feeling so abandoned and unwanted. Amidst my sore feelings, I have realized how I should leave more room for comfort from the spirit, how I need to believe and trust and know better. Yes, I am unwanted, but I don't have to let myself feel it every day with such poignancy. Acknowledging our reality is important, but it doesn't have to steal our joy nor edge out chances for happiness that are before us. I need to remember I am loved by God, that he understands me and knows how to help me because he created me and this world. I need to strive to be more humble and forsake the sorrow that I hold onto. I need to work on being more kind and worthy of forgiveness. I want to do these things that I might show God my belief in Him, show my trust and faith.

As we spend the rest of this month and into the next, I hope you will walk with me in becoming more believing and doing as we seek to become more like the Savior.

SaveSave

Seeking to Become - August 2016

I've been doing this thing for five years now. When I set out with an idea to help myself navigate the treacherous waters of separation and divorce, I never thought about the long term effects of setting this type of spiritual goal.

Seeking out scriptures each month to focus on for personal improvement and reflection has grounded me when chaos could have reigned (or even when it did and I was holding on for dear life). I have been able to find solace when there seemed to be none. I have been able to root out my weaknesses to see what I might do to overcome them. And all of it has led me to uplifting conversations with others as well.

I don't know if this sharing of my scripture study each month has helped anyone else, but it has helped me in immeasurable ways.

Here are some of the past years' posts. I hope you might join me in reflecting on them and learning maybe just a little bit more about seeking to become more like the Savior in doing so:

The Very First One: August 2011

The First Year: Condensed

Year Two

October 2014: Self Doubt

August 2015: Keeping It Real

February 2016: Gratitude

Seeking to Become - July 2016

I'm sitting here waiting for my children to be ready for church, wondering how much I'll get written in conjunction with how much of the meeting I will miss. And I have decided to cherish the moment instead of being frustrated by it.

There will be time enough to get myself to church on time when everyone is grown and gone. I don't especially love that I will most likely be missing out on partaking of the sacrament once again; however, I do love that my children and I go to church. We need to know that we belong somewhere—that there is a plan—that our family is eternal. And even when we fail in the moment, we are not failing in the long run.

I wrote those first two paragraphs, and then made it to church late, but with a grateful attitude. I'm glad I thought to take some time to reflect and breathe.

So about the challenge this month. I've been searching out the perfect scripture passage to focus on, and I never did nail one down, which means I need to choose one of the several I've been studying before I can keep writing…

And here we go:

"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much." Luke 16:10

This scripture is a specific how-to-be type of scripture. It's so direct while teaching a larger lesson. I have pondered its deeper application for a few weeks now, and I would like to apply it to my life more fully today and throughout the coming month. I think it applies today to my perspective shift about being late for church so often lately. If I'm to become more like the Savior, I must keep the faith that everything will work out and be joyful as I keep the faith. I need to have charity and love with my family and friends and even strangers—no matter how much it challenges me to do so.

This month will be a time to recognize where the smallest seeds of faith lie and how great they are, and time will be given to search out the injustices in my heart and learn to be more kind and understanding of others.

Seeking to Become - June 2016

It seems to be happening regardless of my desire to do so, but becoming more humble in all things is something I want to strive toward.

There have been times throughout the past month when humility has been required of me, and I took my time in finding some. It isn't easy to see shortcomings, own them, and do something about them. Yet as I ponder how I want to be, who I want to become, where I want to go in my life, I see that humility will help me.

I have decided to study and ponder the scripture, James 4:10:

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. 

Who doesn't need lifting up? I don't know of anyone who couldn't use a boost now and again. And to think about the atonement of Christ, how we are able to be lifted out of our sin and sorrow because of that sacrifice, Christ's loving and selfless sacrifice, I realize all the more how humility plays a role in becoming more Christlike.

To be lifted up, truly lifted in heart, mind, and soul, we must be able to see our shortcomings, let go of the destructive facets of pride and ego and selfishness. This month, I hope you will join me in striving to recognize where humility is necessary and work on becoming so humbled that we feel lifted as we do so.

Seeking to Become - May 2016

I spent all of April writing poems like I get paid to do it, so I didn't want to overburden you, my readership, with a double post on one of the days. However, I did not forget about this monthly spiritual challenge. I actually kept it on my mind daily, and that's not always the case each month. I am glad for the extra time to reflect on what I want to strive toward. 

I studied and pondered daily a set of eight scriptures that I had discovered awhile back, but somehow they became new to me as this month progressed; they are found in Luke 18:1-8:

1 And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;
 2 Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man:
 3 And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary.
 4 And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man;
 5 Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.
 6 And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith.
 7 And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them?
 8 I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?

 The first seven verses are what have caught my eye for most of the time. I have quite a few situations/requests/challenges that I have wearied the Lord with, yet I know he is not wearied. I have seen how my tears have been wiped away numerous times. I have had many prayers answered.

With that said, you might be wondering why I would have these scriptures as a focus then. Well, in verse eight, the question "Shall he find faith on the earth?" stopped me in my tracks. I was feeling like I have such a strong testimony of how God watches over me and how I believe in Christ and his atonement. And then with that last bit, I realized that if I have so much faith, if I can be counted as a believer, why then do I allow myself to despair?

It doesn't happen often, and it's even rare for how much adversity I face daily, yet I do let despair in and affect me. I cry bitter tears at times when, if I had more faith, I would be better able to have patience and even more able to partake of the joy that surrounds me.

Heading into May, I want to continue seeking to become more faithful, stripping away my tendency to become despondent when problems pile up. I hope you will join me in studying out how these scriptures can help in this effort.

Seeking to Become - March 2016

Ye shall have a song, as in the night when a holy solemnity is kept; and gladness of heart, as when one goeth with a pipe to come into the mountain of the Lord, to the mighty One of Israel.
Isaiah 30:29

A song in this heart and gladness of heart are things I strive to cultivate on a daily basis, but I never considered to what degree and quality I am promised them. I shall have them in full measure because God sees me and he knows my heart. He knows what I need to grow and become the magnificent person I was born to be. 

This month I want to focus on remembering this promise, letting it comfort me when times are difficult, and seeing how my song and gladness can make a difference in each day. 

Seeking to Become - February 2016

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: because his mercy endureth for ever." Psalm 118: 1

I've been taking some time to ponder a few scriptures in Psalms that have caused me to feel my gratitude for what the Lord has done for me. My heart is broken with so many trials right now, so little peace and rest, and I am weary to be sure. However, my heart is gladdened with acknowledgment of how watched over and beloved I am as well.

This opposing emotions thing that I feel at the same time bothers me every so often. I feel like a freak. Why do I seem to always have conflicting emotions so strongly present? Why can't I just feel things a little more even keel? Be more watered down? And why always opposites at once?

I was having one of these moments just the other day while texting with a friend, even one of my dearest friends, and she told me that my "bi-polar emotions" are one of her favorite things about me. Her perspective on things provided a paradigm shift, which caused me to realize what is good about this supposed character flaw.

When things are bad and it is natural to feel terrible, I do, but there's something strange that my mind does—it turns funny. I begin to see the ridiculousness of things and make fun of the situation in any way that I can, and I laugh in the face of destruction somehow. My heart won't give up. I see hope in everything when others would give up.

This characteristic of mine has always bothered me until now; I saw a flaw where a quality was.

The way this ties in today for Seeking to Become is that I want to give glory to God for giving me the tools I need to find the joy he offers me. Each day has joy held within, and we just need to reach out and take it. For this month, I hope to see more clearly the mercy he offers me in who I am and the people around me showing me how to be. I am thankful for his loving guidance, for the spirit leading me to the people I love and who love me. I am thankful for who I am.

Seeking to Become - January 2016

Waiting. That's something that many of us struggle with. From when we are first able to move and speak on our own volition, we learn how well (or how terribly) we tolerate waiting. I haven't been too impatient of a person in my lifetime thus far, yet I know that I stand to improve much in this area.

There seems to be one thing after another for more years than I can count that keeps me striving for more patience. I realize how much I lack during trying times, and I realize why. Patience is a virtue, you know. I want to be virtuous yet seem to miss the mark so often, making this is a vital trait to develop. 

During church today, one of my friends was up at the podium sharing about how many times the scriptures remind us to wait, be patient, and trust in the Lord. I needed to hear these words today. With the new year upon us, I have been reflecting on all the goals I've achieved throughout the past few years, and I have my heart set on this year being another year filled with wondrous improvement and striven for yet miraculous change. 

With this wish of my heart, I realize that I am not in charge of every aspect that needs to come into play, which means I will need to wait; I will need patience. I should say that I will need further patience because this heart of mine has had this wish (albeit in remission for a time) since I was a young girl. Like all true wishes, I will not tell you what it is or it might not come true, but I want to share my hope and faith that I will get my wish because it is a righteous desire. I just need to embrace the journey of attaining that requires waiting with true patience. Loving, grateful, joyful, understanding and wise patience. 

This month, I invite you to join me in cultivating gladness in waiting and remembering that through Christ we can become our best and true selves. 

Included are several scriptures for this month in order to remind and encourage us in waiting on the Lord: 

• Psalms 27:14

  14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

  Psalms 40:1

  • 1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
    Psalms 62:5
    5 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
    Psalms 69:3
    3 I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.
    Psalms 130:5
    5 I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
    Isaiah 25:9
    9 And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the Lord; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.
    Micah 7:7
    7 Therefore I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.

  • 
    
    
    

Seeking to Become - November 2015

Four years ago, I began writing this blog series, "Seeking to Become," in an effort to draw closer to Christ as the days of my divorce began to drag upon my soul. I'm thankful my four-years-ago self recognized a need and did something about it. While there have been a few months here and there when life ran away from itself, I am truly thankful for having these scripture challenges over the years written down in order that I may still draw upon them for focus and spiritual strength.

• Acts 14:17

  "Nevertheless he left not himself without witness, in that he did good, and gave us rain from heaven, and fruitful seasons, filling our hearts with food and gladness."

  Daily life can get jam-packed with challenges and troubling things. However, that does not mean there is no longer anything good about life. Christ gave us an example of doing good and blessing others. 
  
  For this month, as we head into the Christmas season, I hope you will join me in continuing to watch for the blessings that saturate our lives. Keeping a glad and grateful heart at the forefront makes life bright and more beautiful. Join me in seeking to fill our hearts with those things. 
  
  
  
  
  
  

Seeking to Become - October 2015

As I was reading in the New Testament, I came across some scriptures in Ephesians that connect with last month's Seeking to Become challenge, and I want to share them with you today.

In Ephesians Chapter 3, Paul tells the people what he has been praying for concerning them, and these verses are an excerpt:

 17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
 18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
 19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Every day seems to bring some new bit of trouble, but I would rather focus on how every day simultaneously has new blessings and help sent our way. Having what we need to learn and grow and become who God would have us become is what we should let our hearts dwell on. Taking time to notice how each problem leads us to examine the quality of our conduct can help us recognize that the Lord is teaching us, how he loves us. He leads us to understanding our true selves, our divine calling in life, and connects us one with another to grow in love as members of God's family.

To comprehend Christ's love for me will be the work of a lifetime, but I believe I find examples of it in the tender care of friends and family. I see it in the tender mercies found in daily living. To have Christ dwell in my heart, my faith must grow. Life has been a heart wrenching struggle for too long, but if I continue striving to exercise faith in the Lord, I will overcome. Overcoming defeat, heartbreak, abuse, loss, and other challenges will also be the work of a lifetime. It is life.

As November rapidly approaches with gratitude on our minds, seeking to more fully know the love of Christ will be my goal, to be "grounded in love." I will look for his love in the world around me and count my blessings. Please join me, if you will.

Seeking to Become - September 2015

I've pondered a very long while on the subject of how to love others. With differing relationships, the nature of the love differs as well, but it is always called the same thing: love. Love is when we care about another's well-being. It can entail self-sacrifice at times. Love is always a good thing, but that doesn't mean it's always a simple thing to do.

These thoughts of mine have come about because I have been struggling to ensure that my children feel loved. They are most certainly loved, but what I wonder almost daily is if they realize it and can see because they feel it. They are all growing up so quickly, and the problems are becoming complex, as is normal, but I hope to be a guiding light for them, not an added reason for years of therapy.

Another aspect of my life that has caused me to ponder how to better love people is that I recognize a dilemma, and I don't know what to do with it. I can't even figure out how to describe the dilemma without oversharing, and I don't want to do that this go around. I'll simply share some of the questions that float around as I strive to be honest and kind and loving. How do you love someone without becoming invested? Is that even possible? What does it take to truly feel the pure love of Christ for others? What more can I do to be loving without being rejected? What could I do a little differently to offer pure love to those around me? I wonder what answers will come to me as life plays out. I am at another crossroads with a blindfold on almost.

Without searching the topic out, I discovered these scriptures where Paul is writing to the Thessalonians and explaining how the apostles loved them and showed them through not becoming a burden. And I saw part of my answer to these questions:

 5  For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a cloak of covetousness; God is witness:
 6 Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ.
 7 But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children:
 8 So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.

1 Thessalonians 2:5-8

I realized in that moment how I simply need to keep being kind and loving, avoid being burdensome, and reach out with gentleness to the people I love. I especially was struck by the words affectionately desirous and the last lines "willing to have imparted unto you…our own souls, because ye [are] dear unto us." As I let those words sink into my heart and comfort my questioning soul, I know what I need to do.

This month I want to follow the example of the apostles in my seeking to become more like the Savior and love with a pure heart. Doing things to show how dear people are to me and being gentle and affectionate. Honesty of heart and speaking truthfulness without flattery are goals to work toward as well. As the month goes on, I hope to develop some new habits of appreciation or at least improve upon what I do by doing things a little bit differently.

I hope you will join me in the challenge this month. If you feel comfortable, I cordially invite you to share your experience or thoughts.

Seeking to Become - August 2015

• 

• Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.         Isaiah 49:16 

• It's been a long time since I did the monthly challenge. It has been the entire summer actually. There's really no excuse for falling off the spiritual wagon, and I could kick myself for doing so now that I look back and realize that I let it go during such a sad period of time. Things could have had a better focus if I hadn't let it slip. But we can't get time back, so I am moving forward with the understanding that when I'm sad, I might want to remember how this focus helps me on a daily basis.
  
  Getting right to the heart of things, I ran across this scripture in Isaiah, and it reminded me of a basic truth: Christ knows me. My overwhelming sadness these past several months displays my lack of faith. I profess to have a strong testimony of God, our Heavenly Father, and his son, Jesus Christ, but when I got thrown for a loop, I forgot to turn my heart to the Lord. I didn't stop saying my prayers or going to the temple or anything, but I didn't let all of those things generalize into understanding and being comforted while life sorts itself out. Recognizing this failing, I am humbled and ready to open my heart to what is in store. I desire to find joy in life and no longer dwell on the difficulties that will continue to arise.
  
  The focus for this month is to remember that Christ knows us; he knows our hearts; he knows what we need; and he knows how to comfort us in our trials. The next step will be to watch for how that knowledge works for our good. Remembering is the first step though, and I don't want to lose sight of that basic truth.  I hope you will join me.
  
  
  
  
  
  

Seeking to Become - May 2015

Sometimes—more like a lot of times—I feel weak. The problems that I face every day push and pull on my time and mental energy. My physical energy crashes and burns sometimes too. There never seems to be enough of me to take care of everyone and everything. But I have noticed that everything works out in the end, either at the end of the day or the end of the project or whatever the case may be, but it always works out.

Throughout the past month or so, I have been watching for the small and simple means by which things happen. I have noticed that friends will step up, a phone call will come at just the right time to remind me of something important, problems get resolved in ways out of my control, and so on. There are countless ways in which the pace I can keep turns out to be just enough.

Realizing my weakness, I had been seeking solace and strength, and ran across the scripture Isaiah 40:31

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  

These words comforted me in that very moment when I felt overwhelmed by all the demands that had been placed upon me. My desire to keep trying to be better was renewed in simply knowing that promise. I am not perfect in any way, yet waiting on the Lord is not about being perfect; it is about striving toward being more like him each day.

As this month continues on, I want to focus on becoming better at waiting on the Lord: being patient, faithful, and striving to follow Christ more perfectly. I hope you will join me.

Seeking to Become - March 2015

I am in no way a perfectly spiritual person, but I do strive to live in a gospel-oriented way. Some days are better than others though. It's interesting to ponder how much we change and grow throughout our lives. 

As of late, I have been experiencing some personal setbacks, and I catch myself feeling such disappointment. I know I am not perfect, neither am I expected to be, yet I can't see how I will make it through this phase of my life with the way things are. 

Trusting that God sees me and knows my needs is how I am making it so far. Sometimes I let myself forget though. I get so wrapped up in looking at what I lack that I forget to focus on all the progress I've made and blessings that continue to flood my life. I've thought about this a great deal over the past few months actually, and I want so much to overcome my tendency to set aside what is going right because when I do so I also forget my purpose in life. 

For this month's challenge, it will be a focus on doing good. 

"Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God."

3 John 1:13

I found this scripture awhile back, and it reminds me that doing good is what I should be about. Additionally, the opening beloved creates a sense that it is a personal invitation, a reminder that I am individually important to God. 

As the month progresses, I hope to reflect on this message to do good and by doing so I will remember that I am loved no matter what, I have joy in my life, and there will be a way to find the peace and comfort that I seek.