it's all about choices

There is something perfectly wonderful about spending time with friends. Talking, laughing, crying, doing nothing, going to movies, exercising, eating, studying, anything. It's all so good.

Today was one of those wonderful days because I got to meet another social media friend. We went to the movies and she let me talk her ears off before and after, and to top it all off, we were both wearing purple. It was truly fulfilling to connect with her and feel like I have one more person rooting for me and wanting to spend time with me.

I never thought I would feel sensitive to whether or not people choose to spend time with me, but I do. Solitude is healing when I can slow down and relish it, but lately, after awhile, it only breeds anxiety that no one would want to be around me. I didn't realize how sensitive I had become until my divorce finalized six months ago. Suddenly, I felt every moment that people would set aside just for me and whether I get invited to things. My gratitude goes deep for the individuals who choose to use this precious thing called time with me.

On the flip side, I catch myself worrying at times that I'm not valued enough to be with. It is not a good place to be in, so I cast out the fear and doubt and move along. However, those negative thoughts flitting across the happy space I'm cultivating do more damage than I care to admit. Tears have been rumored to appear unannounced.

Days like today reaffirm to me that I have numerous women around me who care about my success, maintain happy marriages, and hope for me to find my forever someone. It was a heartening experience, and I am thankful I had the opportunity to spend my time so wisely.




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