my truth

It's been awhile now since I was prompted to write a short piece on what is my truth, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself write something quick because I felt a universe of truth burst my heart when I saw that tag on Instagram asking me to share something. Maybe I took it too seriously, but that's probably my job, to take things too seriously, especially things like truth. I've spent every day pondering my life's truth since seeing that prompt.

Maybe my truth will end up being short since I'm not quite sure what I will write just yet. I have so much to say but not all the words to say it. And not all of it is for everyone to know. All I know is that I want to be able to find it again if I forget. I want to be able to see my future truth and compare it to the truth I know right now. And this is the best place I know to write it in a way that it will last and accomplish what I wish.

My truth. My truth is that life is as full of pain as it is joy, but also it is full of more joy than we can imagine. Pain teaches us what joy is, so we can know it when we find it. The trick is to hold onto the joy we have right in front of us instead of the pain. To choose joy.

And you know something? Sometimes it's tricky to hold onto joy.

When you love someone so much you'd do anything for them,
but they don't want what you have to offer.

When you love someone in a forever kind of way,
but they don't want to be your forever.

When your heart beats for someone,
but they are too busy looking at everyone but you.

When you are enough to be who you are,
but not enough to be worthily loved in return.

When you see how enough they are for you,
but they won't see it for themselves
because they don't want to.

Sometimes it's tricky to hold onto joy.
Sometimes joy is right in front of you
In someone else's smile
In hidden happiness
Being stolen from your grasp
By lack of love,
And all you can do is breathe.
Keep breathing
And hoping
And praying
That someday
Joy won't be so tricky to hold onto.
Someday there will be too much joy to lose.
And I will be looking at truth's reflection
While seeing through sunlit glass.

Until then, I will say that I hope someday comes soon because my heart has been broken for nearly my entire life, and I wish for the love I give to come back to me somehow. I believe in miracles. I believe that I was created to have joy. And I will have it. I will reach for joy in every minute of every day, working to reject the pain that is made new at every turn. I will choose joy for as long as this broken heart can stand turning its back on so much pain.

And the interesting part of all this truth I write is that I know I am not alone in my grief-stricken existence. I am not so unique. I am actually highly replaceable. I see that now. I hope that by writing my truth I might inspire myself and anyone reading this to take heart and keep holding onto joy.

I want to make room for more joy. I hope you will too.