It has been so very long since I shared my scripture reading and spiritual goals with all of you. Maybe it's because I don't feel safe to share. Maybe part of it is because I've been hanging on by a thread. But I do want to share and hang onto hope and my faith in God and good things to come. So—I will try to begin again. A fresh start on this thing.
I've been reading this one passage, 2 Nephi 4:16-20, in the Book of Mormon (along with continuing further on) nearly every day for the past month to remind myself of who I am and how I want to be and to whom I should look for comfort:
Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
I have been wretched. I have done things I wish I had more strength to withstand. Even still, I can attest that God has been my support through my sorrows and challenges, both self-created and subjected to by others—my wilderness. I have been upheld by my faith in God and his Son, Jesus Christ. The power I have felt keeping me afloat when I can only see myself sinking has been awe inspiring. I have been preserved through such sadness that I might keep going to help my family and myself.
This coming month, I hope to seek to become more trusting in His support. I want to do better at remembering that I will receive what I need because I always have—somehow. I hope that anyone who might read this will please join me. I would very much like to hear from anyone wanting to try this experiment with me.