joy quest: affection

There are many ways to find affection. Some are better than others. Some are more appropriate than others. Some are perfect. We won't even discuss the perfect ones like hugs from your children, family, and friends. Those are perfect. What I will address is the type of affection that can only come from someone choosing you to be vulnerable with even if it's just for a one-time moment.

The past several years have been devoid of affection for me. I'd venture to say that genuine, generous affection—affection without high cost—has been absent from my life for nearly fifteen years.

And what do such depressing statistics have to do with a joy quest, you might ask. It has a whole lot to do with it! Like how I've realized how valuable affection is that I know I won't take it for granted ever again. I've been rejected so much by so many in so many ways. Not all bad ways, just matter-of-fact ways mostly. So when I get small tastes of this rare delight, a day here and a day there, I cherish it. I do want to add how affection as a single adult is playing in the big leagues though. Holy crap. I can hardly even open my mouth to say anything for fear of saying something that might mean something I don't mean thus causing trouble. It's sort of funny when you're not in the moment. Maybe.

The best thing about even a day's worth of affection is when your children recognize you deserve this special type of happiness and affection and are glad for you.

There's my bit of joy. Morsels of affection and approval. You know, that's actually a whole lot of joy. And I'm so thankful for it right now.


More about my joy quest: Joy Academy: My Quest for Joy

joy quest: music

I love music. That's a broad statement, but it's true. People will ask me what's my favorite type of music, and I answer them: "Good." And I truly mean it. 

When I was thinking about what brings me joy, I knew that music needed to have a spot early on in this quest because I'll need the chance to bring it up again later if I want. Discovering new music and music I'd forgotten became a hobby as I worked through my grief during my divorce. Music helped me through many times when I couldn't see an end. It still helps me now. 

With all of my excitement about trying to find joy in my daily life, I decided to poll people on Twitter for their favorite song that makes them smile/feel happy no matter what. It was inspiring. And I made a playlist for you to enjoy. 

The thing about this playlist is how nerdy and eclectic it is. So many show tunes. Well, soundtrack songs are on there too. I dig movie musicals like so much though! The best memories are wrapped up in many of the songs on my joy playlist. I love it so much, having something to listen to that speaks for joyful memories, that helps me hold onto joy right now. 

I've been wanting for joy this weekend, and building this playlist helped me so much. I hope it gives you a smile at least and maybe even increases your joy as you listen to it. 

Let me know if you like any of the songs! 

joy quest: no dead ends

It might sound weird, but when I saw these DEAD END signs, I thought of joy. I thought about how joy seems to have so many road blocks, but it overcomes every single one—every single time—when we open our hearts to it.

Just a few short years ago, I believed that I'd never love again. I believed that there would be no way I'd ever recover from the terrible destructive forces of divorce. And since then, I have loved more than I ever thought I could. I have had more joyful experiences than I can count. The hard times have been counteracted and overcome because of the tender mercies God has sent my way—because of the joy I have allowed myself to see, touch, and taste.

There is no such thing as a dead end to joy. Joy is everywhere.

joy academy: my quest for joy

I have been given the honor of being the very first participant in the Joy Academy's challenge to do a 30-day joy quest. There will be more explanation at a later date and the opportunity to sign up for it as well, so just keep reading each day, and I'll let you know when, where, and what in better detail. Until I have links to share, I'll quickly explain what my friend, Julie/Julie Clawson/Julianne Clawson, the fabulous author of Edenbrooke and Blackmoore presently known as Julianne Donaldson, has offered me—this Joy Quest gift.

In beginning my Joy Quest, I have agreed to post something every day for thirty days that brings me joy or thoughts and resources on joy, which inherent in their sharing will emanate joy to all within my reach. And this has been my quest for several years now, so I very much look forward to giving joy a very focused approach at a time when I know I need to cultivate more joy. Some days, my words will be long—like today—but other days might just be a short thought and a photograph prompt. We shall see how it all turns out. What a gift this is to reach for something that surrounds me every day.

The fact of the matter is I need to let go of some grief I have picked up like pebbles in my pocket as of late. Grief is not something to cherish and hold onto as if it's some romantic pleasure. It eats you alive if you let it. It is necessary, but it should be used as a vehicle to find our way back to happiness and joy—a lesson learned on why we seek joy.

And now to get to the heart of my joy quest for today. Do you see that origami crane? It tells so many stories: one of love and marriage, one of healing, one of peace, one of war, one of family, history, illness, and even more.

For now, today, it tells my story of understanding. I do not know all the answers, and I certainly know I am not the solution to everyone's woes, yet I know that all my trials and suffered abuses and struggles in this life seem to transform into a means for me to be a guide and comfort to others. To realize over the years how I have been an instrument in other's finding their way a little easier, a little quicker because I have shared my experiences and knowledge has been humbling and a source of joy to me.

I've felt like I don't make a difference too many times in my life. Coming to understand that my ability to open up about my pain actually helps others has improved my ability to see that I do make a difference. I now look around me to comprehend why I am suffering, what can be learned, and begin watching for who I might help with what I've learned. Oftentimes, the ones I end up helping are strangers, passersby in this joy quest called life. Yet every once in awhile, people I hold dear surprise me with their struggles I could never have guessed but for the pull I feel toward them to reach out and help if I can and if they'll let me.

To be clear, I do not wish my trials on anyone, but life is such that people have trials. It is partly how we learn and grow into who we are to become—our best and eternal self realized.

Joy right now looks like becoming the helping hand I've always wished to be. Joy in this moment is a purple Japanese origami crane that teaches me how joy can be found in the intricate folds of the everyday experience. The painstaking effort it takes to create something so simple yet exquisite is part of the joy process. Each fold represents a change that gets us closer to becoming who we are meant to be. Let us see our folds and edges as a means to the joy waiting for us if we will reach for it.

downsizing

I've been looking around me and seeing so much excess. It's not like we really have extravagant things, but we have too much not serving any real purpose other than keeping us feeling like we have stuff.

Some neighbors are getting together for a block yard sale, so we will participate. I've begun ear marking all sorts of stuff for the event. I've had toys that I've saved of my children's for guests' little ones to play with and enjoy, but that's all going away. I've had a whole lot of books packed away because I don't have the shelf space anymore for all of my classroom library, and those are getting sold off.

I'm even selling a couple of our bed frames. We have had the same ones forever, and to be honest, I think they are holding a negative energy in our home since the divorce. That might sound weird, but I have this feeling about it all and need to get rid of anything that feels too heavy to stay.

One thing I'm concerned about is that I might regret this extraordinarily deep cleaning of the house six months from now. I doubt it, but you just never know. I'm trying not to overthink it though. If I have something that hasn't been used in over a year or since the last time I said, I might use that someday, it's gone. No more holding onto loads of stuff that's only keeping me weighed down.

I think I need to apply this to more areas of my life. It might make all the difference.