You know something? There's a lot of garbage going down around this place. I have no time to breathe. When I do stop to take an extra breath, it's because I'm turning a blind eye to all the other things that need to be done because I refuse to go crazy. And as stupid as this may sound, I feel guilty for not being able to get more done because I do take time out of the day to stop facing the continuous torrent of issues. I am tired. The past two days, I've been downright exhausted to the point that my brain isn't able to think of much else except for sleeping. I could rag forever. I could cry almost as long too.
However, I have so much to be glad for. I am so tired because I have my children to take care of. I have so much to do because they need my help to keep on surviving this jungle we live in, and thank goodness I have some ideas on how to help them and power to act on those ideas. My brain is struggling to come up with ideas because I have a good job that expects great things from me, and the challenge is keeping me sharp. That guilt has got to go, yet I'm thankful that I'm informed enough to know that I need to take time out of these crazy hectic days to take care of myself.
I have so much. It feels good to know that I'm tired from doing well in the world. That knowledge provides hope. It reminds me that I can overcome my circumstances and create better ones. I am loved by many people in many ways like hugs and talking and especially time. Some unique support comes in various packages around here—like cake dropped off at my door and late night runs to the grocery store and actual packages. A listening ear is one of the most priceless when I stop to think about it, but cake sure does make a difference on days like today.
I'm really crossing my fingers that one of these days I will look around me and see that things are actually alright in that moment, that I have someone by my side to love and support, and my children are thriving and not simply surviving. Until then, I'll be glad for the faith and hope that keeps this fire within me burning bright.