slow


I'm not sure how many times a light needs to come on or a layer of truth needs to unravel or the obvious to dawn on me, but I'm feeling slow. I'm thinking that for all my intelligence I don't know how to look after myself very well.

Stating the bare truth about my inability to recognize where I am not wanted sounds negative. It has negative effects. I don't feel content with how things are for me. And yet, as I feel myself in my awkwardness, there is a freedom in it. There is freedom in knowing where you are not wanted because that's one less place to look for belonging. It simplifies some aspects of your life. You figure out how to stop caring about certain things. You learn how to let go of hopes and dreams. You realize what you actually mean to people. And not just the person rejecting you as a potential companion. You learn about who supports you and who does not. You grow in ways you never knew you could because you're forced to scrape the bottom of the barrel for something to look forward to. You learn to be happy in the simplest of ways, to be grateful for every kindness you're shown.

But there's this one part that I really hate—it hurts so much.






15 comments:

  1. You're right -- it hurts and letting go is hard. But necessary too and, as you point out, it does simplify life. Another way to look at it: you should value yourself too much to waste time where you are not valued.

    PS congrats being the first one out. Where I am, it's still not Tuesday yet

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    1. PPS forgot to leave my blog link (but I won't be posting until it's tomorrow for me) Work and Life

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    2. There should always be value in what we do. Thank you. And I enjoyed reading your slice! Thanks for posting the link here.

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  2. I'm sorry for the pain that you're going through but admire how you're seeking the positives in your situation. I empathize with the pain of rejection and applaud your courage in writing about it. Your opening line is true to so many situations and you express it so well. How many times does "a layer of truth need to unravel"? Well put.

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    1. I appreciate your encouraging words. I don't feel very courageous writing about it; it feels like the only avenue I have to deal with things. But I will try to see it your way. :)

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  3. I wore my
    freedom of knowing
    as an invisible necklace --
    a gentle keepsake of life --
    jeweled with the sense of understanding of
    where I was wanted when I needed to be wanted
    and where I needed to be when I needed to be there;
    my fingers smoothing out the rough edges
    over time.

    --Kevin
    PS -- a little line-lifting this morning so that I could leave you a poem.



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    1. That's a wonderful poem, Kevin. Thank you for stopping by and for leaving this treasure for me and this community to enjoy.

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  4. It is something we all have had to deal with. I'm sorry you're dealing with it now. Your words helped me today. Thank you!

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    1. Michelle, knowing that my words helped you makes me glad that I chose to write about this today. I appreciate you letting me know that.

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  5. You speak the truth. For all of us. That is what great writers do. I hope there is some comfort knowing that and knowing that this is a place you are wanted. Thank you for sharing this with us.
    Julieanne

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    1. You honor me with your words. Thank you for calling me a great writer. To be one is one of my great aspirations. And thanks for stopping by today!

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  6. There have been many times in my life when my companionship has been rejected. It really, really hurts. Luckily later in my life I realized that just wasn't the road I was supposed to be on and although never happy about the rejection felt less pain. I hope you are able to stand back and look at the situation with wisdom. It sounds from this post that you have already started.

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    1. Wisdom is the goal. Hugs and gratitude for you taking time to read and comment. <3

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  7. There is freedom in knowing where you are not wanted because that's one less place to look for belonging. It simplifies some aspects of your life.
    This is such a hard thing to come to terms with...but so necessary. Thank you for this wise and honest post.

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  8. I like your line about learning happiness in simple ways. We all need to do that! I'm sorry your hurting.

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