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This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...

Seeking to Become - February 2016

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: because his mercy endureth for ever." Psalm 118: 1

I've been taking some time to ponder a few scriptures in Psalms that have caused me to feel my gratitude for what the Lord has done for me. My heart is broken with so many trials right now, so little peace and rest, and I am weary to be sure. However, my heart is gladdened with acknowledgment of how watched over and beloved I am as well.

This opposing emotions thing that I feel at the same time bothers me every so often. I feel like a freak. Why do I seem to always have conflicting emotions so strongly present? Why can't I just feel things a little more even keel? Be more watered down? And why always opposites at once?

I was having one of these moments just the other day while texting with a friend, even one of my dearest friends, and she told me that my "bi-polar emotions" are one of her favorite things about me. Her perspective on things provided a paradigm shift, which caused me to realize what is good about this supposed character flaw.

When things are bad and it is natural to feel terrible, I do, but there's something strange that my mind does—it turns funny. I begin to see the ridiculousness of things and make fun of the situation in any way that I can, and I laugh in the face of destruction somehow. My heart won't give up. I see hope in everything when others would give up.

This characteristic of mine has always bothered me until now; I saw a flaw where a quality was.

The way this ties in today for Seeking to Become is that I want to give glory to God for giving me the tools I need to find the joy he offers me. Each day has joy held within, and we just need to reach out and take it. For this month, I hope to see more clearly the mercy he offers me in who I am and the people around me showing me how to be. I am thankful for his loving guidance, for the spirit leading me to the people I love and who love me. I am thankful for who I am.

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