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This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...

thoughts on aging

I've decided to capture a slice of my thoughts now, so I might compare them later down the road.

Being single and in my 40s means I get to witness all of my peers who have gone the distance in their marriages reach epic milestones like 25th wedding anniversaries. Who knows, maybe I'll find someone in enough time to have that celebration before I'm dead, but I won't be in my prime when it occurs. I will be getting on in age for sure. Even if I married tomorrow I'd be officially a senior citizen. Now that's a hard pill to swallow. Not that I think it's bad to get older, but I never pictured myself so devoid of romance in my prime of life.

My parents were not romantic types if you would have asked me when I was younger. Thinking of that in this context, I remember the excitement I enjoyed putting together my parents' 25th anniversary party. I hand stamped and embossed all of the invitations, arranged for the cake to be made by my grandpa who is a master baker, and witnessed my parents' joy in being so celebrated by friends and family for going the distance. Who could have known she'd be gone just shy of their 30th anniversary. And who even does a big deal party then anyway? I'm so glad I could play such a large role in making that one anniversary memorable.

But I don't want to focus on the party aspect. I want to note the small everyday things that brought them to that point: the not giving up, the choosing each other even when life was very hard, the learning to be and stay friends. That's real romance, you know.

I hope to find that to share with someone someday. I just really hope it happens while I can still dance and play with vigor. 


  1. I can feel both the melancholy and the hope in this post. Relationships have been a topic of discussion in my circles lately; I wonder what is bringing this subject to the fore?

    1. I don't have anyone else to talk about this stuff with really, but I can appreciate that you are seeing a trend. Thank you for taking time to read and comment. Your feedback has given me much to ponder.

  2. I empathize. I did not imagine myself in my 50s without my husband. But life happens and with it is an opportunity to learn different faces of love. I have known people in their 30s who are old in ways that friends in their 60s are not. Although aging does clearly happen, so too does attitude, health, and joy. Acceptance seems to matter greatly,

    1. Your words humble me. I should never feel as alone as I let myself get. Thank you for your wise words.


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