Christmas Songs: week four

Last but not least, I have found a song to be dedicated to my oldest yet youngest child, my child who has severe autism.

Her song is "Silent Night."

I'm not sure how many people who read this blog knew my mother, but if you read this blog regularly, you probably feel like you knew her. Again, I digress. I think I digress half of the time on here! So anyway.

"Silent Night" has a lot of connection for me with my mom. We used to sing it as a family when we'd go looking at Christmas lights, we'd sing it when we'd go caroling as a choir around our side of town, we'd sing it as a family on Christmas Eve,  and something I haven't ever forgotten is how my mother would sing it sometimes in German at Christmastime.

From my very thin memory, I recall that she took German for a few years at least in high school, so I think that's where she picked up her love for singing songs in German. I'd even bet she learned German just so she could understand Mozart's German operas better.

There was one year (when I was around nine or ten maybe) that I distinctly remember her singing "Stille Nacht" in church. I believe it was the first time I recognized my mother as a truly talented singer. She was standing near the organ that was being used to accompany her, and she had such a serious countenance. Her love for God and Christ was on her face. Her words were not the words I knew, but I still knew the song. I believe her serious approach as she performed this solo in church was what helped me to stop taking for granted her awe inspiring talent. I felt God's love through music my mother made that day.

So what does my mom singing "Stille Nacht" have anything to do with a song dedication for my oldest girl?

At the beginning of this month, my oldest was sitting next to me at church, and it was time to sing the Christmas hymn, "Silent Night." Nothing out of the ordinary for a first Sunday in December. We started to sing, and I thought about how I was so happy to be singing Christmas songs again. The second verse began, and I was still so thankful for the song. And then, while in the middle of the final verse of this song, I felt a flood of memory of singing with and listening to my mother as she'd sing "Silent Night" in English and then that first memory that has stuck with me of her singing in German. It all happened in a flash, a flash flood memory. And what triggered it was that my brain recognized that my daughter sitting next to me had sung along with me all three verses thus far. And my spirit could not contain the joy. I began crying with joy that my daughter, with all her speech delay, had sung it all. She knew the words. What a miracle. I felt like my mom was there with us for a split second even.

I've been missing singing with my mom lately, but in that moment, I realized that I can sing with her as my children sing with me, and one day, we will all sing together. And to simply sing with my daughter who struggles to communicate is near to the divine.

On this Christmas Day, I give thanks for the Savior of the world who has made life eternal possible for me and all the families of the earth. Through Christ, I know I will get to know my daughter entirely some day.

Merry Christmas to all.