just breathe

I have to keep telling myself this; however, it's not really working since I got the wind knocked out of me in the move. Who knew you could take the rug out from underneath your own self? I talk about avoiding self-deprecation and not taking our lives for granted and appreciating each day. but for some reason, I am just having a really tough time of it.

Catching my breath. Learning how to breathe under water. Blazing a trail in the dark. That's what I'm all about right now. And when I'm in the midst of it and too busy to think—I actually feel invigorated and hopeful for the future. When I have a second to catch said breath though, that's an entirely different story.

I don't know if it's necessarily negativity, but it surely is not helpful where my mind goes when I have a minute to think. I have worries that bubble up to the surface that I normally don't ever think about. I fret about things I can't change, which is not anything I typically waste my time on (because, let's face it, worrying about things you can't change is a total waste of time). I've also taken to letting myself get resigned to being alone, and that's one of the most disappointing aspects of where I am right now. This lack of air to the brain and heart is taking a heavy, heavy toll.

After writing all of this out, I recognize that I've been talking in circles. I have no solution or resolution or anything to wrap up this package of messy thoughts. And I hate that. I'm a solution finder. Maybe not today though.

I should get back to learning how to just breathe…