a slice of smiles

When my children smile, it makes me so happy inside and out. I really can't even describe it. My oldest just had a birthday, and her smiles were infectious and beautiful. We all gathered around her to celebrate her sweet and loving way by making sure she had a great time for her birthday. Watching the three younger children helping her to choose the fun gifts and playing on the playground with her gave me joy in my mother's heart to the point of overflowing.

They fight so much--not my girl with autism but the others--which makes it even more welcome of a sight to see them rallying around her together, becoming friends, and learning how it feels to get along.

I had a rough day, but my evening was better than wonderful. 

more than just a song

Whenever I ponder on my decision to begin dance classes as part of my university experience, I think of the song sung by Lee Ann Womack "I Hope You Dance". It's interesting to look at the influence a song can have over where our thoughts may lead, and I never cease to wonder at the impact music can make on our souls.  

The first time I was introduced to this song, I was at a funeral for the young wife of one of my cousins. As the words floated through the stifling hot summer air to my ears, my heart was overflowing with tearful prayers for my cousin to be able to keep going after such a tragic loss. My specific hope for him to find a way to dance began in that moment and lasts to this day as he lives out life with his lovely new wife and their children. 

The impact of the words on my own life has never left me either. Because of the loss of Danae, so many years ago now, I believe I have worked more diligently to take chances, love the life I have, and cling to my family and faith.  

I was reminded of this song, and Danae, because I was asked yesterday to dance at a competition in November that I did not want to miss. The problem with ballroom dancing is that you must have a partner to dance. My hopes had been all but dashed concerning finding a partner until this guy stepped up and asked me before class started. 

My newly found dance partner could not have known all he was doing for me by signing up to dance with me, but because of him I will not be sitting it out but really dancing. And Quickstep no less. 

listless

forever
laundry
reading
projects
messy rooms
homework
dirty dishes
dinner time
dirty dishes
run around
drive to school
pick up the bus misser
more homework
lame legal stuff
pestering
load dishwasher
helping
showers
more laundry
textbooks stacked a mile high
driving here and there
crazy
yelling
loving
tickling
laughing
crying
working
not working
numb
tired
over stimulated
raggedy
pretending
to be a writer

out of nowhere

arms reaching out to touch you
and you aren't there anymore
there was always this feeling
that you might run
away toward the clouds
never to be found again

words and wishes
forced your flight
yet they needed to exist
even more than that
but to be said aloud
breaking all silence

ripples of sweetness
unravel every particle
of stillness hanging in the air
stale and pale
which suffocates the love
clear out of our hearts

where could you be safer
than in my cherishing
revering and delighting
damaged and fragmented hands
if not there
there is nowhere

searching this tear-stained world
with eyes perfectly open
bloodshot and weeping
knowing the dream might not exist
but pushing forward
past the pain of losing

eyes now pooled like glass
await a glimpse of the stars
with endlessly bated breath
wishing with a will passionate
for a love who won't leave
but reach out and seek me

Not Quite Rotten Eggs

The other day, I put a Facebook status that said "My life sucks rotten eggs." Today, my thoughts on the subject have changed very little; however, I must acknowledge how much my life also does not suck rotten eggs because we all know there are parallel realities all around us.

How My Life Does NOT Suck Rotten Eggs Top Ten List:

1.   My children are all relatively healthy and happy.
2.   I have loving friends and family who give all the support they can, in various ways.
3.   While university attendance is a challenge right now, I attend my dream school.
4.   Scholarships have made my attendance at my dream school not only possible but a blessing.
5.   I have clean water to drink and with which to keep my family clean and healthy.
6.  We always have nice food to eat.
7.   My car continues to work despite it's brokenness and 212,000 miles--and counting. 
8.   Writing of poetry comes naturally to me.
9.   I am free to write my thoughts and beliefs and philosophies as I choose on this blog.
10. I have an audience for this blog.

So, in essence, my life might suck rotten eggs right now, but somehow they turn out looking like Easter eggs.

Or something like that.