blue

I attempted to run, to forget you and all that you entail,
Even all the day long, yet the very effort placed an ache
Within each breath stolen opposite of your direction.

The sun drenched sky, in its ethereal beauty,
Beckoned brightly for more unearthly wishes
To be softly whispered into its high strung clouds.

Faintly, I held to the notion that you might care.
Gingerly, I carried your kindness in my untried hands.
Wistfully, I share this affection that pins me down yet lifts me.

Turning to your precious heart and facing what I need,
Punching out new holes in my unhealed heart from which to bleed,
With a sure and happy hope I say to the sky, I stay out of love not fear.

Blanketed in the certainty and strength of this truthful song,
My heartfelt words melt into you, the atmosphere, and beyond.

too much

This path keeps on with the twists and turns. Maybe I need to break my habit of being a planner type of person. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I'm more like a leaf being blown about by the breeze right now, and be glad in it. Leaves are lovely things, even enchanting in autumn. I just hope I don't have to make it through another winter like this. I just can't. 

faithful heart

stripping bits and pieces off

of the threads that hold it all 

together within the center of me

unravelling the core of my hopes

and dreams only to find another scrap

of something untouchable and free

trembling in the fierce and forceful wind

of the tempests of daily life

stealing away every part but that one

wishing with something more than 

just a wish on a star in the fading light of day

but with faith embedded forever in our foundation

growing in love I never thought possible

proving my weathered heart ever more grateful 

single rider

Riding roller coasters is something I relish, but it's not for the sake of riding them; it's because of how much fun I am having with the company I am with. The terrifying sections aren't as bad, and the parts when you get a good laugh seem even sweeter. Because I have experienced them with people I love, I never want to forget even the swings that for some reason strike me as a horrible torture. I will add that I certainly would never ride those crazy throwing you out into the wild blue yonder swings again unless I'm with someone I care about.

And the roller coaster is real. Up and down. Twists and turns. Making the best out of a scary stretch by screaming and holding on for dear life. We smile when we can; we laugh when we get that sinking feeling as we drop because we know its going to be alright; we hold our breath and at times grit our teeth when the rails up ahead look terrifying enough to take our breath away. Sometimes, hopefully only a very few times, we cry. Sometimes even the good things turn out to be difficult and nothing seems to be going right.

And then I stop to ponder why I'm not enjoying the ride as much as I ought . . .

Have you ever ridden a roller coaster alone? 

I have, and it just isn't the same being a single rider with no one to laugh with or hold onto their hand for reassurance as you scream all the way down to the bottom together. Reflecting on past experiences, I can see that I've never liked it, and I don't like it now. 

I plan on staying on this ride for its duration, but I sure look forward to having someone next to me.


Related Link:
Roller Coasters

Seeking to Become - October 2014

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.  

Matthew 5:14-16

Reading these scriptures reminds me of how each of us has the light of Christ within us—including me. Sometimes I let myself forget that I have something, a whole lot of something, to offer the world if I but let my light shine.

I have this problem with self doubt. I see that I am intelligent and interesting and friendly, but somehow I allow myself to get beat down. It's as if I'm blind to what I know to be true. I kid myself into thinking that no one really wants to be my friend, that I bother people all the time, and that I won't ever make a real difference in life. I feel incapable of achieving my goals. I hide my light. When I'm struggling in the darkness of self doubt, the light of those who care about me shows me how wrong I am to indulge in negativity.

Negative thoughts can break even the strongest of individuals. Every day includes a mixture of good and bad in nearly equal measure, which means it is up to us to choose what parts we embrace and cultivate within our lives. I want to overcome my tendency to doubt and learn to let my light shine, to shine so brightly that all who know me will want to let their light shine, too. Oftentimes, life is a series of surprisingly wonderful highs and bitterly disheartening lows. Yet, I believe we can be a light unto all within our reach even amidst those bitter lows. We can share our hope in Christ with the world. As we do so, we will help one another through the trials, lifting when we are strong and proving our faith when we embrace the help of others.

I invite you to join me in seeking the light of Christ by sharing our own light continually, that we may eventually be received into God's eternal light.