transformed

Social media is a tricky thing because it cracks the world right open when you use it like we do. 

There are so many nooks and crannies in which to hide or misconstrue. There are so many ways to misunderstand and ways to feel things that aren’t real. But sometimes our intuition is correct, but there is no way to know if it is unless we ask for clarification, and oftentimes we can't ask anyone or there isn't a trusted source. It seems to train us to not trust our intuition. However, that isn't always the case. 

I also think about how much social media has affected my life for good, and I feel thankful for all the friends and family I've grown closer to because of this tool. Actually, my life has been quite transformed over the past three years because of social media and the connections it has created in my everyday life. I don't even recognize the person I was before the spring of 2013, and I am filled with appreciation for how simply and wonderfully change made its way into my world. 

We are able to discover new things, new knowledge, and new people, making life something to look forward to, wonderfully transforming us little by little at the click of a button. 

set aside the hats and just be

The mom hat, teacher hat, even the sister hat—any hat can overload us if we don't take a little break from time to time. Sometimes I think about these things as I run around like crazy. I think about this thing as I wrap up a weekend of helping my BFF get her daughter married off and settled into her happily ever after and all the life that lies in between. I think about how I wish I had more me. 

I wanted so very much to spend time with my cousins. I wanted to go to lunch. I wanted to go to dinner. I wanted to tie ribbons around every napkin at every place setting. I wanted to go for a walk and a hike and go to the movies. I wanted to take time to see other friends. I wanted to help clean up. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to be more mild and kind.

And now, after taking some time to contemplate my thoughts, the situation is in better focus. The tug of role reductionism was bringing me down. I didn't let it win, but I certainly felt the drag of it all upon my mind. We can get so overloaded if we don't watch ourselves. Role reduction of the self and others are what all these hats do when we lose sight of our whole self. As I contemplate each role that was weighing on me, I realize I needed to stop compartmentalizing myself and just be. 

Instead of letting feeling like I could have done more, when I know I could not, I will choose to be glad in the knowledge that I seized the day for fourth meal (even though it was actually only my third)/second breakfast (even though we didn't even eat breakfast)/elevensies (even though it was like 1:00 a.m.). Instead of wishing I could do more, I will be glad I focused all my effort to polish and help to make perfect my BFF-once-removed's special day. I am glad logistics wouldn't allow me to spread myself so thin that I might have ended up regretting not giving my all to one special moment in time. I am glad I served and loved and communicated. I am glad I set aside all the hats I wear and was just me. 

five years ago

I had this idea six years ago to write stuff on a blog, maybe post fun photographs, possibly have a place for my poetry and other musings. I posted one photo that I really liked but wasn't my own—it was a family member's photo of my purple flowers in my front yard. I like to think of that one post as my trial post and not the true beginning of things.

The true beginning was five years ago today. I graduated to using my own photograph, but the photo wasn't edited, and I had no idea what exactly I would be doing or how to get it done. I began reading every type of blog there was to read, observing what I liked and did not like, getting a feel for what it meant to have a blog. And then I ran with it. 

I joined blog groups where people support other bloggers by reading, commenting on, and sharing links. I created a button that a few people added to their own blogs to help me get the word out about something I didn't even know what it would become. On the half-birthday each year for a few years, I did some giveaways, but when I had to get busy and finish school, that little tradition had to get left behind. I really loved doing it, and it felt so nice to see who wanted to offer fun things to giveaway in celebration, but life is what it is—a demanding taskmaster. 

I am proud of myself for sticking with this one thing: I began a monthly scripture challenge entitled "Seeking to Become" five years ago in August that I continue to write. I've added a few more staples to the blog as well. It has become a home for my draft poetry and personal narrative writing, as well as my photography in varying degrees of excellence. I've done several book reviews—but none recently. I tried to get that going again this summer, but my teacher skills need to get sharper before I can split my time any further than it is already with having children at home and other pressing matters popping up at a breakneck pace. 

And then we have the Slice of Life Story Challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers that I've been participating in since March 2012. The overwhelming support I have received from this writing community has helped me through many challenges over the years. It has blessed my life in surprising ways, and I'm always learning from fellow slicers. I am continually inspired to keep on writing through and past the pain of daily life. I am continually cheered on and celebrated when I am tasting sweet success and joy. I cannot imagine my life without this facet of writing slices of my life. 

While I couldn't get any real party off the ground to celebrate this momentous occasion, I still want to make note of its significance in my life. I am thankful; I am encouraged; I have a place to lay my burden and not quite expect but can safely hope for supportive words to come my way. I have readership numbers that show ever increasing growth. I know people read my writing. And it feels amazing. 

I was once told that no one would ever want to read what I have to say, and for five years, I've been proving that statement wrong and doing it with a smile (most of the time). 

I feel deep gratitude for all of the time you, my readers, have given me in reading, commenting, and sharing these words of mine. You rock my world, you light my fire, you keep me writing as you give me hope that one day I will see a book of my own creation in print—and people might actually purchase it! 

Here's to the past five years and many more than five years more. Thank you! 

writing personified

Writing is my friend. With a pen in my hand and something to write on, we connect. My mind has ideas, but when I spend time putting the words together in strings of meaning, I understand more of what I want, more of what I know, and I like myself further than I ever thought possible. 

Writing shows me how kind and thoughtful I can be. Writing helps me understand the quality of my love. Writing gives me purpose when I am so full of ideas that I can hardly contain myself. Writing never lies; it just tells me what I know or even reveals what I wasn't sure about. 

Writing makes me happy. Writing offers joy. 

q&a

At this point in the challenge every single year, I begin to fail at knowing what to slice about. This story challenge pushes me to dig into my heart of hearts and sharpen my writing abilities. In other words, I tend to question said abilities right about now. 

If I am such a prolific writer, why then do I run out of ideas? Or is it simply part of it becoming routine and the novelty wearing off that puts a different lens on the challenge? Why write every day for a month? Does it actually do anything except push me into this corner? Can corners be good for us every once in awhile? 

Questions and questions and questions. All are an excuse (possibly a vehicle) for copping out on writing anything worth writing about. Or maybe I just did. 

What do you think?