set aside the hats and just be

The mom hat, teacher hat, even the sister hat—any hat can overload us if we don't take a little break from time to time. Sometimes I think about these things as I run around like crazy. I think about this thing as I wrap up a weekend of helping my BFF get her daughter married off and settled into her happily ever after and all the life that lies in between. I think about how I wish I had more me. 

I wanted so very much to spend time with my cousins. I wanted to go to lunch. I wanted to go to dinner. I wanted to tie ribbons around every napkin at every place setting. I wanted to go for a walk and a hike and go to the movies. I wanted to take time to see other friends. I wanted to help clean up. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to be more mild and kind.

And now, after taking some time to contemplate my thoughts, the situation is in better focus. The tug of role reductionism was bringing me down. I didn't let it win, but I certainly felt the drag of it all upon my mind. We can get so overloaded if we don't watch ourselves. Role reduction of the self and others are what all these hats do when we lose sight of our whole self. As I contemplate each role that was weighing on me, I realize I needed to stop compartmentalizing myself and just be. 

Instead of letting feeling like I could have done more, when I know I could not, I will choose to be glad in the knowledge that I seized the day for fourth meal (even though it was actually only my third)/second breakfast (even though we didn't even eat breakfast)/elevensies (even though it was like 1:00 a.m.). Instead of wishing I could do more, I will be glad I focused all my effort to polish and help to make perfect my BFF-once-removed's special day. I am glad logistics wouldn't allow me to spread myself so thin that I might have ended up regretting not giving my all to one special moment in time. I am glad I served and loved and communicated. I am glad I set aside all the hats I wear and was just me.