to run out of ink

To list everything that is wrong about life as we know it, we could easily grab a pen and write until that pen ran out of ink. Correct? There are seemingly innumerable problems and even terrible things about life. However, if we took time to write a list of all that is good about life, I believe we would need an inexhaustible pen to make such a list.

The idea of making these two lists gets me thinking about all I've been going through for as long as I can recall. Problem after problem. When I stop to count up simply a slice of it, it seems unbelievable how unfortunate life has been . . . nevertheless . . . nevertheless, life has been breathtakingly good.

Love has been terrible yet infinitely more beautiful than I could ever anticipate. I count on it surprising me even further before I die. Motherhood has brought me to my knees in grief but also in perfect joy. My children are my hope and love personified. Learning has been a torturous affair even though it is one of my favorite things that drives me to keep going. Being part of a family has been, in part, one of the worst aspects of my existence, but, cutting out the horrible times, I attest to the absolute heaven on earth that family life can be and has been for me during most of my life. Family is everything despite the worst of times.

There is so much more to write. I can hardly wrap my mind around all the good things about this life of mine. There is so much good. I am filled to the brim with words to write for this list. Laughter, friendship, ice cream, prayer, sunrises, sunsets, a perfect song at just the right moment in a movie, forgiveness, truth, comfort, embraces you didn't expect, light in the darkness, rain on a hot summer day, snow on Christmas Eve, wishes thrown into a fountain, love you can count on, nice cars, good food shared with family and friends, board games, spirituality bringing you closer to who you are, visitors, traveling, safety, home, photographs of favorite moments and people, a nice bed, pillows, clean water, cotton candy, watermelon, ribeye steaks and beef ribs, central air, dandelion tufts scattering wishes disguised as weed seeds, a hand to hold, the love of others.

Even if I ran out of ink, I could write forever of these things, for I write them in my heart.

growth mindset

Am I growing growth mindset children? Are my students becoming used to growth mindset type interactions? Or am I affixing them with a fixed mindset that holds them back? Why do I automatically give praise for achievements? Why shouldn't we? Or is it more of a balance issue? Because when you stop to think about it, is it so bad to praise for productivity and success? No. It's good. But maybe in small doses. Not the norm. Telling my children and students the obvious things such as, "I can tell you worked hard" shouldn't feel like a bland compliment. Those are the things that matter. Learning how to work and care and help and try new things are what life is all about. Not everyone can win all the time, and not everyone will be a millionaire. But we can grow up to be decent human beings who understand their worth isn't results driven; it is inherent in their divine heritage as children of God eternally growing into the people we are destined to become. 

six-word memoir writing process

purple
people
goodness
variety
ostentatious
vivacious
tenacity/tenacious
travel
vacation
new places
hotels
movies
theatre
singing
dancing
writing
classy
tacky
refined
style
New York City
service
flowers
farming
trampolines
aubergine
magazines
addiction
queen
sovereign
change

Seeking an outlet for my social needs during my divorce and need for exercise resulted in a two-year stint with BYU ballroom classes. Dancing has always been something I've enjoyed. Think 14-years-old and church dances. I went from bronze to silver to gold American Social Dance and bronze international ballroom and bronze Latin Dance.

the essentials

What should every generation know or experience is the question I want to answer.

With each passing decade, more things should be added to the Essential Things Every Person Should Know list, so it's kind of tricky to even begin. However, in life there are quintessential essentials (if that's not too redundant).

I'll take a stab at this list, and then I hope you might add some essentials of your own.

• Be grateful for food. 
• Cultivate compassion. 
• Work at a part-time job in service or retail, mow lawns or babysit, but get out there and do some hard work.
• Visit the graves of your ancestors. This would require you to know who and where they are. Find them. 
• Read a poem of your choosing.
• Write at least one poem.
• Eat Chinese food in Chinatown in your nearest big city.
• Go on a 2,000-mile+ road trip at least once. 
• Slow read the Book of Isaiah for comprehension. Take a class if you need to.
• Play hopscotch drawn with chalk on the sidewalk. 
• Being cool is not the end goal.
• Family is everything. Don't throw them under the bus for your friends. 
• If you have one truly good friend, that is enough. Friendship is about quality not quantity.
• Get outside more. 
• Exercise and play and travel while you still can. 
• Find yourself—not who you think you are but who you are meant to become—and become that.

banana nut ice cream

Writing prompts are funny things. They can dredge up the old and new all in one giant scoop of metaphorical ice cream.

As the teacher read the book excerpt, I thought of how I'm trying to break the ice cream habit at our house—to no avail. I thought about how much I have always loved ice cream. And I also thought about the banana nut ice cream my parents used to make in our old wooden ice cream maker on random occasions.

It was always at nighttime for some reason, like we couldn't ever go on a whim of ice cream making until the sun went down or something. It probably added to the excitement though. Dark outside, the rock salt being placed on the countertop, then the ice cream maker pulled out from the pantry or under the sink or wherever it got left from the last time we made ice cream—all of these things meant we would be making banana nut ice cream. I am not sure, but I think we may have done strawberry ice cream once or twice when we had a mother lode of leftover Santa Maria strawberries from a summer haul. But seriously, most of the time, if that ice cream maker was cranking out something, it was going to crank out the best banana nut ice cream on the planet.

Mom went through a phase where we bought raw milk from a neighbor instead of from the store, so she'd take off the cream skimmings and save them up in the freezer. And once we had enough to make ice cream, we made ice cream. I have to say I sort of hated how the raw milk had swirls of cream in it, but I'm thinking it was probably the best tasting milk I ever had. And that ice cream. Just wow.

So back to the whole banana nut part. I'm pretty sure we always had banana nut ice cream because it was Dad's favorite. There were little things here and there my mother would do to make life happy for him, and steak dinners from time to time, homemade divinity and peanut brittle at Christmas, and that banana nut ice cream were a few of them.

Since he grew up so poor, food was a big deal to him. Good food. Fresh food. LOTS of food. And even lots of junk food and treats. We went through a time, several years actually, when we were without much money at all, but he always made sure we had food to eat.