shooting from the hip

This whole teaching gig is something else. I don't think I've been able to catch my breath once in the past month. Being a single mom and a new teacher is not glamorous whatsoever. It seems like I am living day-to-day without a safety net.

I got so caught up in the bustle of appointments/teaching/grading/freaking out/extra-curricular activities last week that I forgot to write! And that is so not cool. I truly believed that once I was finished with student teaching that I would settle into a glorious routine and leave behind that bad habit of spacing it that had occurred during that last semester. Alas, I have zero routine so far, let alone a glorious one.

Shooting from the hip paints a more informed picture. There have been software issues, website issues, lesson planning issues, web/technical issues, classroom issues, grading issues, and probably other issues that I just haven't had time to recognize yet but are still very much going to come out of the woodwork once I can breathe for a second. I teach something meaningful and connected each day, so I guess it's not as bad as it feels, but it feels like I am failing.

Regarding failing, today I actually said out loud to a teacher who borrows my room for one period, "I am so glad that I make it through each week and no one wants to fire me." Like, I totally said that. Out loud. To another teacher. She smiled and laughed, but I don't think she quite realized that my dry humor was so dry when I said it that I was dead serious. Now all I can picture is a dead piece of driftwood. And now squirrels because SQUIRREL! 

Yes, I am totally exhausted, even so exhausted that I am making jokes about my jokes, and all of them are of the stupid variety. Good grief. So anyway . . .

As I reflect on the bigger picture, it is the best feeling each day when I still have a key to the school and one for my classroom. I worry about finding balance ever, but I honestly feel a wave of gratitude as I put the key into the lock and turn it every school day. That feeling of being entrusted with the minds of young people gives me energy to keep trying and doing my very best.


3 comments:

  1. Congratulations on surviving the first month of school. Teaching is a hard, hard job! I've taught for thirty years and there are still days, regularly, where I feel like a failure. I'm hoping you have some supportive colleagues and administrators who can encourage you and provide a safe place for you to grow and learn! Hang in there!

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  2. Yes, congratulations on making it through! It's always hard in the beginning. I remember being completely overwhelmed when I first started teaching, and I didn't even have kids then! So, I can only imagine how tiring it is to even attempt to strike a balance. But strike a balance, you will, eventually... good work!

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