sweet summer

Sunshine in My Pocket

The days are fading into autumn quickly, but until it has to settle in, I will sing about summer.

It has been another transition time, another set of months where I have realized I can't make plans for the future. I have to take my days and weeks one at a time with my eyes looking toward the future, but I cannot be too bold about any of it. Boldness is insupportable. However, happiness is.

I've been focusing on making time to step back and enjoy the days without allowing the worries to wreck them too much. Severe difficulties continue to rain down, and somehow I keep on making the best of things. There is hope in all of that. There is a power in it too. Learning how to breathe despite the water's depth is an accomplishment in my mind. So much balance has been achieved. My children and I have had small and large-sized adventures. We've had misery and joy in equal portion too. It has been a mix of everything. Such a better summer than last year.

One thing that tips the scales to better than just balanced is that I had a delightful adventure to top off the summer. It has refueled my heart. There's not much that can compare with spending nearly carefree time laughing and gallivanting around town with someone who accepts you, forgives you, and genuinely cares about you. True balm for the weary soul. Photographs for days and swimming and talking and movies and chocolate and walking and smiling…I've decided that I need this occurrence to happen more often. It is vital to my existence.

This summer has been a sweet mix of happy and sad, joyful and learning. It has been so very good.

I am not a guy

Love and friendship intertwine . . .

The way I take care of you
By remembering who you are, your heart
How I consider your hopes and dreams
As far as you let me in to see
By hoping, praying, giving what I can
For all that you hold dear
To make it out better than alive

The way that I let you take care of me
By asking you for sound advice
How I let you in to see
My hopes and dreams and fears
Even if it means I feel insecure
By hoping, praying, receiving what I can
For all that I hold dear
To live better by living true to me

The way we take care of us
By saying what we need
How we allow space to breathe
Yet keep the ties that could bind
Within fingertips' reach
Through hoping, praying, sharing all we can
For all that we hold dear
To find our home within reality

. . . Because I am not a guy.

healing heart

I'm skipping to number eight on the list even though, in the process of number eight, I hope to experience all ten . . .

I'm going adventuring soon (if you couldn't tell), but I'm not quite sure yet how much, if any, that I'll want to share of it. I've come round a bend that has taught me that maybe sharing what I perceive of my experiences hurts me more than letting it settle back into the recesses of my memory. That sentence breaks my heart a little, but at the same time, it also gives my heart courage, so I believe it is a good thing to ponder and reconsider my current practices.

There is something delicious about the anticipation of an upcoming adventure. Plans made and set into motion cause a pleasant nervousness that lifts spirits and enlivens hearts. It is all just so good. With expressing that, I hope to find a balance of sharing and saving just for me that helps me with healing this heart of mine. Because when all is said and done, all of these things that I love should lead me to feeling loved and whole.

never the same

I did this funny thing
Called making a wish.
I wished so very hard
Nothing was the same again.

I didn't quite realize
How making certain wishes
Changes the very air you breathe,
And nothing can be the same again.

I said aloud what my heart already knew,
I'm tired of kissing people I don't love.
And in the very next moment,
Life would never be the same again.

I remember where I stood.
I remember how it felt
To say those words aloud to you
To let myself be myself and share.

I'll never forget how it changed me
Inside my head and heart,
To give voice to truth.
And I'm glad things aren't the same.

Seeking to Become - July 2016

I'm sitting here waiting for my children to be ready for church, wondering how much I'll get written in conjunction with how much of the meeting I will miss. And I have decided to cherish the moment instead of being frustrated by it.

There will be time enough to get myself to church on time when everyone is grown and gone. I don't especially love that I will most likely be missing out on partaking of the sacrament once again; however, I do love that my children and I go to church. We need to know that we belong somewhere—that there is a plan—that our family is eternal. And even when we fail in the moment, we are not failing in the long run.

I wrote those first two paragraphs, and then made it to church late, but with a grateful attitude. I'm glad I thought to take some time to reflect and breathe.

So about the challenge this month. I've been searching out the perfect scripture passage to focus on, and I never did nail one down, which means I need to choose one of the several I've been studying before I can keep writing…

And here we go:

"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much." Luke 16:10

This scripture is a specific how-to-be type of scripture. It's so direct while teaching a larger lesson. I have pondered its deeper application for a few weeks now, and I would like to apply it to my life more fully today and throughout the coming month. I think it applies today to my perspective shift about being late for church so often lately. If I'm to become more like the Savior, I must keep the faith that everything will work out and be joyful as I keep the faith. I need to have charity and love with my family and friends and even strangers—no matter how much it challenges me to do so.

This month will be a time to recognize where the smallest seeds of faith lie and how great they are, and time will be given to search out the injustices in my heart and learn to be more kind and understanding of others.