forgiveness

I've never considered myself a grudge holder until I watched this one TED talk, Why Forgiveness Is Worth It. With each minute that passed as I listened to what Sarah Montana had to say, I recognized in myself a need to change.

Lately, my contemplations have been focused on what am I doing that adds to the negativity in my life and how can I turn that around and be more positive. It has been a difficult exercise, looking at my contributions to the bad aspects of family and professional life. Yet in wanting to be more humble, this exercise has been just that—very humbling. I had never been able to see how I add to the struggle in particular situations. And I believe a big part of this fault is that I might think I let go and forgive, but in actuality, I am hanging onto small threads of anger and/or disappointment that ruin my new interactions in small (and sometimes big) ways. Montana said near the end of her talk, "Real forgiveness has to let go of all expectations." I consider some of those negative threads as my false expectations that need to be set free, so I can find the confidence I am lacking to move ahead with positivity.

The key to rooting out these damaging threads will be to search for ways to more fully forgive and heal and truly let go of the hurt. I'm not just talking about the hurt caused by others either. I am talking about learning to forgive myself better and let myself be the good person that I know I am. I bring up my past faults and mistakes too often to honestly say I have forgiven myself. Once I practice this for myself, I believe I will be able to more freely let go of the damage from others as I go off the idea that we are our own worst critics.

Being a dreamer and goal setter and get out there and get what you want type, I can see more clearly that forgiveness will be how I am able to more fully live the life I have imagined.  I want love to motivate and drive my thoughts, words, and actions, and it begins with clearing out the pain and letting myself be free to love myself and others unfettered by the past.