I don't know what to say without sounding like a pitiful mess, and I'm tired of my negative voice--written or spoken. I just want to be able to move on with life. I want to make plans and have them stick. I want my broken record of an existence to finally play a different song. I want to hear music within the lines of my life, without straining to hear. I want the hurt to end. Even if it's to experience new pain, at least it would be different hurt. I just want to feel happy without having to constantly ignore the elephant in the room of my heart. I want to know where the struggle leads. I want to feel more joy than sorrow.