Courage, waiting, and patience have been words that keep coming to the surface of my mind. Courage in waiting, patience in waiting, not waiting but being truly patient in my living, and courage in living so as to not wait but be ready for whatever comes my way: these are the angles at which I explore this life I have.
The past couple of weeks have been a time for reflection, so I've reigned myself in and shut out the rest of the world as much as I can manage. I have not felt courageous. I have not been waiting for anything either. I have not felt anything except an abiding desire to be patient and to step away from this sense of forever being unwanted. I couldn't even describe what I'm thinking half of the time because there is such a numbness to it that there are no words.
Right now, I just don't have the courage to wait and see what comes next. It will come regardless, so in that knowledge I will hold on to hope.