a taste of the glory

When are you allowed to take wishes and turn them into plans? I've been thinking about this question and a few others lately as I ponder where my life is right now. I'm pretty sure the answer has something to do with the moment everyone wants to be on the same page.

That page I speak of is a place I don't know if I've ever had a joint author for as of yet, but maybe someday soon. I look back on past relationships that have ended and realize I don't think I've ever had someone really choose me, so it is natural to believe that no one ever will. It just makes sense in a bad way. Well, in a way that feels bad. I look around me and see friends with companions, long-time companions, who they've gone through fires with and continue to make it out together. No one is left holding onto everything, barely holding up the fort like some bedraggled superhero underneath rubble. Both might be bedraggled and holding up underneath rubble, but they have someone to share it with. I don't know. Maybe I'm wanting something I can't have, yet I know I deserve that type of love and care.

There are a lot of things people deserve, good and bad, I guess. I deserve a lot of good things that I don't have, and I deserve quite a few things that I am grateful I'm not subjected to. Mercy is beautiful. So I'm pretty sure I just really want a bigger taste of what I have and more of the good stuff I don't have yet. When I think of whoever ends up being my partner in crime for eternity, strangely, I think of this quote from Nacho Libre, "Don't you want a little taste of the glory! See what it tastes like!"

And then, I literally laugh at my dumb joke and myself because who even thinks like this let alone tells everyone? Who does this? Oh yeah, I do.