now or never

Gently now the rain does fall, gently now
Reach for an umbrella now, gently now
Across the miles, their thoughts entwine, gently
Now the time has come to say goodbye gently, now





shine

It's alright to shine
When you have something to say
That makes the world brighter
Sing out and let us all hear

You can do great things
When you put your heart into them
The world is at your feet
Waiting for you to shine like its never seen

Open your heart—let go of fear
Tell us what you want to say
Show us how you'll make your way




For my son on the day he completed his Eagle Scout project—for this day and as he graduates high school and begins adulthood.




aggressive

Going round and round, talking, talking.
Saying one thing, but you know you do and feel differently.
Acting like nothing is wrong when everything is.
Hoping for things to get better.
But they don't.

The facts are ugly. 
Who wants to be around passive aggressive 
Back stabbers. 
Who feels safe when judgment lies in wait
On loved ones' lips. 

The judgers always pointing fingers.
When what you really need is love 
And a helping hand, support, some effort.
Ostracism by those who say they love you is the truth.

Get a grip. 
Negativity only hurts you. 
It never teaches anyone a thing 
Until they're ready to really look at
You, there in the corner with nowhere to run.

So you run your mouth and do your best,
Crucified for everything they deem a wrong turn,
When all you want is to make a positive 
Difference that will last— that will make life better
Even though it doesn't, I guess. 

Holding onto the best feelings possible as loved ones
Do almost everything under the sun
Other than show genuine love,
Knowing you won't run,
Knowing you are in a corner. 



parallel lives

Adoration
That's a thing you don't see much of anymore
But it exists.
It exists just as much as the rejection that kills it off.

Suffocation
This is what happens to love that isn't made new
Every single day.
It will happen to even a great love if not cared for.

Protection
From the tattering woes of the world
We live in.
It can and will make a difference.

She will be loved
She will find her way
He will love
He will find his way to her
Even if it takes a lifetime of love
Walking side by side
Loving in degrees and layers and stages
Intersecting hearts can and do bend parallel lines
Always close but never touching
Until one day it all connects and makes sense—
And they kiss, never to part again



needs

All of the friends I've lost
Make a heap of heartache
That is insurmountable

If I take every one
With all the memories and happy times,
It kills me fresh, anew, like when things broke

No one else is allowed
To misunderstand me or leave
Because I need peace in this heart

I need comfort and love
Like anyone else
Who knows my worth





memories and moments

Within minutes, a memory can make you
Smile
Cry
Want to throw things
Want to break things
Laugh
Run away
Reach out
So many things

All it takes is allowing yourself to feel
Something
Anything
Pain
Joy
Confusion
Distress
Anxiety
Rejection
Acceptance
Happiness
Permanent
Temporary

The time we spend together
Yesterday,
Today,
And tomorrow

Making our lives worth living
For the ups and downs
And everything in between
Are what loving and learning is all about
And it's all about finding us






all of this and more

Arms around me in my loneliness
A friend when feeling friendless
Hope when hope is lost

Understanding in my confusion
A brother who reaches out forever
Truth when surrounded by lies

Hands to follow in my ignorance
A Savior when I fall and always
Love when solitude is an enemy

My friend, brother, and Savior, Jesus Christ
Reaches me when I have nothing
Comforts me and loves me—shelters me



remembering

A theme of sorts comes off the page
Hitting me like a wall of wind
Blasting me to the past
So I can be in the moment long ago
So very long ago

When I thought someone would love me
For who I am and what I dream of
Longings that lead me toward adventure
And happinesses yet discovered
So many memories to cherish

Remembering is a type of loving
Holding onto the best parts of you
Letting go of the rest consciously
Because the rest doesn't really matter
When you think about the gift of presence

Conscious choosing to spend time
Making memories yesterday, today,
And hopefully forever
But who knows how that will go
Until the last fork is fixed

As we walk together always
Or we go our separate ways
Choosing all along the way
To be us or let go of who we are
And be others we no longer recognize or remember






remember

Some words break your heart
Double worse for all the
Subdued wishes
That swirl about and get
Scattered by the wind

Pieces of you
Flecks of sunshine
Like the glint of broken glass
On the asphalt
After a crash

But that melody—that sweet song
Left playing in my heart
Never to skip
Never to stop
I'll always have it playing on repeat

Until you remember
Who I am
Where I belong
Who you are
And that you belong here—forever with me





false imprisonment

We trap ourselves, don't we?
With all the boxes and fences,
The walls and
Handcuffs.

Our minds get stuck somehow
Believing that the only way
To be happy is
Status quo.

Even if it hurts us.
Even when it hurts others.
We just don't learn to take
Care enough.

As we lock ourselves away,
Our hearts and minds
And even our bodies at times, we believe
Our lies.

I'm not hurting anyone. 
I'm happier this way.
I don't need anyone. 
No one cares anyway.

And other such nonsense.

The truth is that love does conquer all—
Somehow.
If we let it.
When we let it.

How much longer will you sentence
Yourself?
How much longer will deprivation be
Your cellmate?

You could have something like
A soulmate
Instead.
Someone who actually cares.

No hiding.
No lying.
No fake.
Just real.

When will you love yourself enough
To stop building brick and mortar
Prisons
For your heart?

The judge and jury is you.
The warden is you.
The parole board is you.
The heart waiting to love and be loved—is yours.








picking myself up

I am afraid to dream again
Nothing I ever get my heart set on
Comes to stay

I let myself get stuck in the clouds
For too long and now I can't
Find my way

You make me so happy
I let myself be happy
I let myself dream

Only to wake up to nightmarish days
Where no one cares I'm ripping
Apart at the seams

And then I look around
Abandoned and alone
I pick myself up

Choosing joy
Choosing to carry on
Without you without anyone
But me to love

Tears stripping me of pride
Breaking my dreams like glass
Slivers festering forever

I go on
With my companion
The fear of never being loved





rekindling

Words can remind us of
The forever we have in our hands
A song can take us to
The story we once shared
Light filtering through a window
Tells us what we want to hear
That life is short yet glorious
And we must draw close
If we are to make a life
That is written with love
And care and happiness
Rekindling and reshaping 
The us that we hold so dear
Each day, bright and clear
  



I remember

When there is nothing more I can do
For myself
By myself
To help myself

When life overwhelms and underwhelms

When nothing is working
No matter what I do to change

When no one seems to understand
Or care
Or believe in me
Or want to stay around

When my heart is
Broken
Missing
Hurting
Wanting

When the sun doesn't seem to shine for me . . .

I remember the One who made life possible
I remember my God and Savior
I remember Jesus Christ


And I let in the love and peace
He offers to me
Until again I feel seen

Because of Him
There will be enough
Love
Kindness
Charity
Hope
To get me where I can rest
Where I will be loved and free
Because of who I am
A daughter of God divine



illegitimate

A strong word for strong situations: illegitimate
Stabs like a knife in your back if you stop to think about it
What gives any word the power to strike?

Our actions.

What makes anything illegitimate?
The things people do or don't do thus
Creating incongruity.

Big words preceded and followed by
Big actions
Sometimes bad actions
Usually with big and bad consequences too

A ripple effect
Ruining and resetting
The chain of events needed
For all the good to come to you

Because it will
But you have to keep your face to the sun
And set aside the things causing
Incongruity and
Illegitimacy of heart.




my real self

My light rejuvenates in the sun's brilliance 
Despite the clouds that hang on 
In winter's dark months
Soaking in all I can—learning all I can

Hope burns away the darkness
Faith, devotion
Allowing myself to remember

Proving that the light will win 
Lead me to a smile
A tender mercy 
A perfect brightness


My eternal self—my real self—who I am





without an us

Heartfelt words softly spoken
Fell upon the ground
Wanting for a home to know

The warmest wishes left to cool
And no one there to notice
The bread baking coming to a close

Ever gently, the meter is dialed back
On effort and attention
This flame is slowly dimming

With no one watching over
To keep the coals from suffocating
Life goes on without an us

And the keeper of the keys
Doesn't even seem
To realize what is being lost



gracefully

Gracefully
falling           apart
as the hours tick
past like money
going

d
o
w
n

the drain.


Hopefully
picking up the
p i e c e s
faster than
I lose my energy
for doing so.

   Perfectly
 knowing that
my story is not over.
And it will never be over
   even once I find a place
to call home for this heart—
my beautiful, precious,
 giving, eternal
   heart.





master the arts

Write me a story I never want to forget
With words between each line
Whispering of love returned, intertwined

Paint me a picture I can't ever unsee
With colors and textures that touch
Grasping my heart with their purity

Sing me a song that becomes part of us
With notes sung daily, clear and true
Keeping our cherished hearts ever in tune



so much

Running out of words,
For grief and sadness
Take so much;
They steal so much;
They ask too much.

The heart heavy laden
With love and hurt
Can only let in
So much.

Fainting with grief 
Tells the story
She can't tell.

Careworn and fainting.
Waiting.

Writing my heart out.



if

Hit by dry lightning
and all I could do
was keep walking,
Barely able to get out
the word no 
as my legs
carried me through.
Floating down
the road in disbelief
and misunderstanding.
Next thing I know,
I'm walking down
the street and then walking
down a sidewalk
and onto a patch of grass.
Without realizing it entirely,
I stood in the warmth
of summer talking
about a rift
in my universe
That would not be left gaping—
if I could help it—
if he would help it too.



sidelines

Standing aside watching the world go by
Without her
Taking in all the excitement and joy 
As a bystander

Once a participant 
Cast off
Benched
Set aside
Walked off the field on her own accord

To join in on the sidelines 
At times
When it doesn't hurt too much
To watch everyone 
Playing without her
Trying to make cheerleader worth as much

To no avail.



be real

Glitter on roses just showered by rain and sun
Comfort from a cup of homemade soup
Wishes made on stars and dandelion tufts
Hopes and dreams come true for me and you

Silence that speaks the volumes of a life well lived
Hearts that care for longer than a one-act play
Words written on scented paper making sense of all of it
A love that entices and reminds you to stay

A soul strong enough to hold fast to faith
Vision that sees to the center of eternity
Happiness that is reflected in my eyes and face
Strength to accept gifts from synchronicity



my heart's song

There is a song in every person's heart
That can only be heard by a select few
The melody is always playing
Always calling out for home and meaning
I hear your song and want to be in harmony
With you forever in tune

You hear my song too
Or at least you did
I can't quite tell yet
If you just turned the volume low
Or if you snapped the receiver off
Completely letting go

My song is on full volume
As I dance and weep my way through
This life ever changing its tune
Someone, if not you, will hear my song
And sing it back to me
When I forget the words

There is a song in every person's heart
And mine will always have a few notes
Written in because of you



reality

To write for the sake of writing
Seems like no writing at all
Yet I find myself finding words
As I write my way onto the page
I find a tear in the armor
That was forged to keep me
Safe from all the pain
Of writing about nothing
As if it were something
Yet when I stop to let myself think
Nothing was always truly something
And still is—
Something so real you can taste it
Like cool lemonade
On a warm summer day
Something so real you can feel it
Like the velvety smoothness
Of your voice echoing in my heart
Something so real you can see it
Even if you don't want to
Something so real it cuts like a knife
Because reality wasn't enough.



homespun love

porch sitting as the sun rises—or sets
with hands held and hearts warmed on high
(visions of a homespun love beset
my waiting, bated heart in need of a home)

simple in its tendency to bring a smile
unsophisticated, plain and simple truth
a love inestimable in worth spanning time
comforting tenderness seasoned with ruth

blanketed with understanding
peppered with sweet wanting
created by two willing hearts
stitched together by each other—for each other

each day spinning, spinning
with purpose and care
always working to be winning
a homespun love, both honest and fair




accoutrements of war

Forgetting
Rejecting
Silent apathy
Holding back
Omitting the truth
Doubt unjustified
Hearing only what you want
Putting walls up to keep real love out
Leaving without saying goodbye

Being there. Simply being there.
Caring about their dreams
Loving them through their flaws
Holding yourself tightly
Instead of lashing out
Giving more than you receive
Yet somehow you receive more than you give
Even when it hurts everyone
Telling the truth
Because you want to be believed
Telling the truth
Because you want truth too
Telling the truth
Because somehow you know they deserve it
Offering trust unearned
Listening, truly listening
Speaking straight from the heart