salted caramel memories

“Time passed, and pain turned to memory" (Cinderella 2015). 

The poignant elegance of this single sentence astounds. It captures beauty in the sad. It tells a thousand tales of past, present, and future. It tells my tale. 

With humbled heart, I want to give thanks for the passing of time. I've thought about how it is such a gift that it flies by the way that it does. Lamentable it is when we are having fun and people must leave temporarily or permanently or toward the next life. But oh how sweet a blessing—a tender mercy—when life is troubled. 

My slice of life today could be a cake of salted caramel, salty with sugar sweet, mixed in my mouth becoming a savory delight with tears and smiles, happiness and hope, broken wishes and an aching heart full of love. 

So full of love. I'm thankful for all the love and goodness that I do have. And I will be ever grateful that time flies by until the day that I don't because I wish I had more. 

set them aside

Youth cannot guarantee one more breath

Neither can beauty of heart, mind, and body

Precious spirit, dear and lovely

Taken from me in that first meeting moment
By infidelity and blindness
Toss away the games

Let them fall away from you and me
See where love lives and grows
Set aside painful preconceptions
Hurting everything you could ever have
Stealing the joy in store
That effervescent joy
Waiting on the steps of heavenly affection
Because the light wasn't left on

Because fear took hold
Or you didn't care enough to take a moment
To unlock the door to the important things
To wrap your heart around mine as they entwined
Waiting through the uncertain, blank night
For something altogether beautiful and real
A dream of sparkling acceptance
Feeling needed and ever cherished

Why won't it happen even when it could
The love is there
It is apparent and true
There for the taking
And everlastingly aching for you,
Darling, brave, immaculate soul
Fighting for a place in the brilliant sun
For you, me, us, forever

Make use of that magic inside your guarded heart
Keep it alive until those unseeing eyes
Open to the reality
That we can be
That you might actually need me
As much as I need you
And maybe—just maybe—life can be lovely
For you, me, us, forever.

Happiness is fleeting
Joy builds on memories that otherwise fade
Clouds upon the deep blue sky
Watching the world pass you by
Taking all the childish tricks and baubles
And set them aside with the games you used to play.

improvement

Lately, the buzzword has been change. People go on and on about it. It's like there aren't any other words to describe things becoming different or something. So anyway. I digress . . .

One side of the story tells us how change is something that no one should have to do; we are fine/beautiful/perfect just the way we are. Then the other side of the same story reminds us that change is inevitable because it happens all the time no matter what we do to stop it. So which side is true?

Both. 

Change should not be forced upon anyone. Don't change just because someone doesn't like something about you. Kick whoever tries that garbage to the curb. However, there is something invaluable about choosing to change—changing because you want things to be better for you and potentially everyone around you. Changing the things that hurt you and hamper your progression in life. Also embracing changes that are out of our power to control is a form of choice. Attitude can make or break some situations. 

And then I think about what word captures how I want to describe what change is or should be. The word that paints a positive picture is improvement. Becoming a more excellent person by working on flaws remains a large portion of any good life. Status quo and wallowing in our shortcomings can't give us satisfaction once we realize we are in the midst of holding back from improvement. The light within us drives us to want to be our best selves. Improvement is in the fabric of our being.

I've also heard it said that people improve with age. Well, that's only true if you are truly improving and not simply changing. Not all change is good or good for us. Some change can be far more destructive than we could have imagined once time goes by.

These thoughts have roots deep within and branches that reach up and out of me. I have many thoughts taking me all over the place in my mind. But all of it brings me back to recognizing how I want to be. As I face another day, improvement will be my watchword as I strive to cultivate this joyful heart.

revived

A Beautiful View

Within my fortress, I said I was looking for a friend,
And you quite perfectly returned, "Me too."
Time went by; layers were removed.
Our blooming world grew in every direction.

And now, though the ivory tower be not breached,
You, breath of fresh air and water for this thirst, mean so much.
You, even though so far in distances a few, do so much.
You are a darling particular and precious friend.

Holding my hand through the fire,
Bearing a portion of the heat for a moment,
As you listen to my hopeless cries,
The fabric of our bond stands strengthened.

With heartbeats quickened and stride lengthened,
My hope somehow renewed,
Recognizing your generous heart and outstretched hand
As my failing heart your care and kindness revived.

problems

A great summer day. The sun shone brightly. Yard work went smoothly and happily. The children seem to be finding their sea legs after a rocky couple of weeks. And then problems happened.

I deal with them. I'm used to it. And yet I just don't seem to be able to get used to it entirely. I think my broken wishes seem to have set me up for a raw blow. I never expect to have to deal with the same old garbage even though I typically have to.

I almost forgot to write this slice. I'd been thinking of so many fun things to write all day as I worked in the yard and with my children, but then I had to worry and talk and think and protect as much as I can.

I'm exhausted, and it's not a regular sort. My whole heart and soul just wants to find a home, a haven, a little piece of happy that I can count on no matter what.

tears required

Henrietta, Texas

 No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.

— Robert Frost.

This Robert Frost quote hits home for me.

People always connect with the words I've written when I've had my heart on my sleeve. Never do I get more praise or gratitude for what I write than on pieces where I've cried and suffered as I wound myself to get the feelings expressed.

I wish I were more skilled in writing than having to bleed my emotions through words for the words to jump off the page, but I guess I should be glad in how lucky I am to know how to get those emotions onto a page in the first place.

That is something to celebrate, and I am thankful to be able to feel, write, and love some more.

take time to grow

Taking it slow is what you do.
Slow like a country road.
It's how you slid into my life barely noticed.
I couldn't mark the day but the season.
And time is flying past, taking you with it.

Don't forget me, darling.
My cherished friend.
I shall not beg.
Yet my heart entreats your heart.
Please look through the cracks.

Light is waiting for you there.
Clean and bright, magnificent.
Use that light to open up.
Open up to possibility.
Open up to a fresh reality.

Take it slow but always grow
Purposefully in my direction
Along the sunny road
Where our seeds of friendship
Flourish best with unabashed affection.

courageous risks

Courage has been on my mind like crazy. It's like I can't get that word out of my head no matter what I do.

Well, maybe I can't get it out of my head because I haven't been acting with much courage. I've instituted more of a hibernation situation instead. You've probably heard the shift in tone in my writing even.

It's amazing how daily life can get shaken up by a handful of words.

But today will be different. I know it can and will be different because I have come up with an action plan. Yesterday was actually the beginning of different, but my action plan had a soft start. I wanted to try stepping a few steps out of my cave I've put myself into, and it worked. Waking up feeling the same disheartened emptiness this morning, I realize that I will probably get out just a few steps more, but those few steps are courageous steps and not to be discounted.

I've been afraid to take any risks. It has felt safe to close myself off to the world; however, it has not felt good, right, or healthy. The past year held a great deal of growth and achievement, so I know better. I know that getting myself out there is the way to be in touch with my whole self and feed the fire that burns within me. I need to be going places, seeing sights, and achieving goals to maintain healthy growth and feel good about my life. This hibernation stuff doesn't suit me at all.

Now to figure out how to break this pattern—a few steps at a time, a little more each day—because I am brave.