destitute



I'm feeling that loss of words thing that I talked about on Day 1. There have been so many fun things going on, yet I just don't know how to write about any of it and still be true to how my heart is faring. I just don't have enough words right now. I am disappointed in myself for not taking better care. I want to be happy and well for myself and my family. I am surrounded by joy. And yet I can't seem to grasp it at the moment. And I feel even more destitute than ever because of it. I have wishes right on the tip of my tongue, but wishing doesn't matter. I've learned that the hard way a few times. It seems ridiculous to write about things that won't ever happen. I've often said I'm not a writer of fiction. I've also said that I don't believe in crushes. So if it isn't truly reciprocated, shared love, it is fiction. And not worthy of writing about. Kidding yourself is nonsense.

Here I am now. I've found some words. I don't like them though, but I'll leave them just the same, so I can have proof of where my mind wanders when given space.



8 comments:

  1. Yes, you do have words!! "Proof of where my mind wanders when given space." THIS. This is why we write. Please - always believe that you are enough. Never think that you are not. You showed up today. You wrote what was in your heart. You. Are. Enough.

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  2. Being happy, having a well full of words, acknowledging wishes, these are all the hard things. It sounds like the hard things have piled up a bit on you and shaking them off can be challenging. The words will come. I've had times like this where I couldn't find what I wanted to say so I said nothing. Sometimes letting out the words we don't like makes room for the others to come in. :)

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  3. I love this post. This may be the truest shit I've ever seen you write. You are a queen even when you feel like a zombie. Thank you for sharing your feeling a with us. This is real and beautiful.

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  4. You have the right to experience all kinds of emotions. We all have the ups and the downs and the inbetweens. The question is what you will do with these emotions. You wrote. I hope it helped a bit.

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  5. Happiness is always the best gift you can give, to others or yourself.

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  6. Finally got mine done for the day: http://joolimammoth.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-diy-project-you-never-knew-you.html

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  7. But sometimes we need to let ourselves hope. We need to write what we want tomorrow, next week, next year to look like. Maybe it will stay as fiction or maybe it will become truth. Some of mine are definitely still fiction, but I see myself moving ever closer to making it truth.

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