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This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...


“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” — C.S. Lewis 
Walking the streets of a small town is like my heart. Little shops here and there that are careworn but well loved. Empty spots where the tenant has vacated or been evicted, but still there is an empty place where they once tended to business. There are cracks along the sidewalks, yet there is a charm in every walk down the lane. Walls have crackled paint but are all the more endearing for their wear.

I love the love I've offered and given in my life. While I have also cried more tears than I wish to admit, I do not regret letting myself care as much as I have and do. But I have one thing that has been pressing upon my mind lately.

A wish.

My wish (and prayer) is that I don't have to have any more bad sad endings. I don't want to have another love adding a notch in my nostalgia belt. I want to love someone who actually loves me back in all reality. Does any of that even make sense? I hope so because I know I am worth all of that. I even know that I actually deserve it.

Someday, it will happen for me because I keep my heart vulnerably open despite the chipped paint and vacancy sign that is collecting dust.


  1. I really enjoyed reading this piece. I thought about how loving is giving, I also made connections with the empty buildings and the emptiness we feel, sometimes. There's a question you put that struck me- Does any of this make sense? We will continue to ask that question! I believe we have to enjoy the life we have and it will all come together. I will read your post again and again! Thank you.

  2. Loved this one. Really loved it. To still be open and ready for new relationships after after that has happened is just wonderful. I love that you are okay with admitting what you feel now but also that you aren't done. Those buildings are still there and ready for occupation. And I'm sure plenty of them already are. I know that you already have so much love in your heart for your kids and you family and and your work and your friends. Even though Romance Street might be a little bedraggled right now, I have no doubt that some day it will be back to it's best days. And I bet you will be the one to do the renovations more than any new person in your life but I'm sure they will love to reap the benefits <3

    Here's my slice for the day: http://joolimammoth.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-very-public-apology-to-jenifer.html#more

  3. I too really loved this post. For our current situation, the empty streets and buildings reflect skills and knowledge that no one seems to want anymore because it comes with experience and age. It is not new, fresh, and exciting. Yet, for some reason it is still attractive to others who really appreciate it. Someday you will find the perfect someone who won't care about your past. They won't see the chipped paint or the scars on your heart. They will see you, the real you and they will also see the wonderful future the two of you can have together.


  4. My most treasured memories have come from my most vulnerable moments. Some sad endings are openings for happy new beginnings. I will continue to pray that for you.


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