I wonder sometimes about how everything will turn out. To skim the surface for so long when you have so many hopes and dreams cannot make for a very promising future. I work so hard only to barely make it. And what I'm finding out is that somehow people think I'm doing so great considering my circumstances. I don't feel so great. I feel like I won't ever be able to get out of this place I'm in. I go to counseling, and everything doesn't seem so bad, but then I have days like today when I just want someone to be by my side helping me. I'm tired of being strong all by myself, having to make all the difficult decisions alone. My heart has too many holes left gaping. I'm tired of waiting for nothing to happen, never able to take care of myself. I recognize that I am surrounded by blessings. Without them, I could not go on. Yet on days like today, I can hardly put one foot in front of the other. There aren't enough shoulders to cry on. There are not enough words to quell the flood of emotions. And only tears come.
Oh, the exhaustion and sadness is seeping through this piece. "I'm tired of waiting for nothing to happen" is a hauntingly beautiful line.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope things start to look up for you and you find some peace. You're in my thoughts.
I feel your despair and sadness. No one can "do it" alone. I wish you well and am sending you some hugs...
ReplyDeleteIt's good to "feel" the entire range of human emotion. Thank you for sharing. And, thank you for reminding us of what it is to be human.
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