Featured Post

This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...

Anne of Green Gables and me

"But if you call me Anne,
please call me Anne with an 'e'." 
Anne of Green Gables
I saw the Anne of Green Gables movies first and fell in love instantly; I fell in love with Anne's silly romanticism and finicky ways; I fell in love with everything about Gilbert Blythe; but most of all, I fell in love with the idea that somehow everything turns out as it should in the end. The books by L.M. Montgomery didn't find their way into my hands until around ten years ago, but I promise that I relished the entire series' contents in record time to make up for the severe mistake of not reading them sooner. And they are divine. I never had been brought so much into a series that I wished so hard a character were real so I could meet them.

Today, I watched the Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea movies with my children. Halfway through the day, it just seemed like an Anne sort of day, so we stopped everything after borrowing the movies from a neighbor and just enjoyed the show until they were done.

I am super emotional now. It was probably to be expected, but I didn't expect it. The music, humor, and portrayal of so much beauty impressed upon my heart the intended gladness, but I was also left with a melancholy heart. It is difficult to watch happy endings some days. I knew this happy ending would come, yet it had been so long that I forgot some of the beautifully challenging situations that get sorted out by the end of it all. Remembrance of all the loves I've ever known ending pushed me to ponder on the big question: Will I ever find someone who will love me forever and not stop?
"I'm just tired of everything…even of the echoes. There is nothing in my life but echoes…echoes of lost hopes and dreams and joys. They're beautiful and mocking." Anne of Avonlea

Please don't misunderstand. I know it's just stories, but I'd forgotten about the realism which abides in Anne's tale. Anne and Gilbert are not "love at first sight" love birds--even quite the opposite for a long while. They become bosom friends eventually, but quarrel to the brink of severing ties on many occasions. Anne entertains a false sense of romanticism, while Gilbert shows what love really looks like, and then she finally connects it all together and realizes love's face in him. Silliness, unrealistic situations, and movie sentimentality are present, yes, but the magic within the story lies in our ability to connect with the realistic parts, or, better yet, the parts which are most like the best versions of our reality. And I keenly felt how much of the reality of it is missing for me. I have an even more complicated past that I wish wasn't there to face when occasion insists.

"I have a dream...I persist in dreaming it, although it has often seemed to me that it could never come true. I dream of a home with a hearth-fire in it...the footsteps of friends -- and YOU!" Anne of the Island
This is all really a fancy looking tantrum or pity party. I'm writing because I can't see how, who, or when I will ever find a bosom friend who will love and accept me for my regular, everyday, imperfect self. I no longer identify with Anne. And that is sad to me. I grew up identifying with her outlook on life, but can no longer imagine myself in her shoes, in any aspect.

"That's the worst…or the best…of real life, Anne. It won't let you be miserable. It keeps on trying to make you comfortable…and succeeding…even when you're determined to be unhappy and romantic." Anne of Avonlea

1 comment:

  1. I love this post because I too have a relationship with this movie that stemmed from my child. Unfortunately, I somehow have never managed to get my hands on the books (a mistake that must be remedied), but if they are anything like the movies, then I know I will LOVE them! It's funny; too, because everything you talked about in your post is why I love the movies too! See, Lar...we are kindred spirits. ;)

    This post kind of made me sad too; though, because I understand how you feel in wanting that special someone in your life...someone who loves you unconditionally and never stops...no matter what. I felt that way for so long before I met your brother. I honestly got to the point where I felt like maybe I would never find happiness. I can't tell you how many times I had long conversations with Heavenly Father, telling him exactly what I was looking for, feeling broken hearted over the fact that my prayers were not being answered. Heavenly Father knows our hearts, though. He loves us and he wants us to be happy. Sometimes, for whatever reason; though, we have to experience things that mold us and strengthen us before we can receive the blessings that our Heavenly Father has in store for us. I know that Heavenly Father is preparing someone special for you. I can attest to the fact that everything work according to HIS timeline. I mean, Had I met your brother a year earlier, we probably wouldn't have ended up dating or getting married because we were both in totally different places. I know that this place you are at right now is very disheartening at times, but Heavenly Father has a plan for you and this hard time IS temporary. There is a General Conference talk by Neil L. Andersen that I love called Trial of your Faith. (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/trial-of-your-faith?lang=eng). It helps me to put things into perspective when I am feeling the weight of trials in my life.

    On a different note, there are so many people who do love you unconditionally and will never stop. Me, for example. I know that we don't always see eye to eye, but you are like a big sister to me, and I am so grateful for the relationship that we share. You also are so lucky to have Melissa. She is a truly bosom friend, and I know that Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he put her in your life. :)

    I love you, and am always here for you. <3


Your comments are appreciated!