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This Phoenix Speaks

Seven years in the making, my first published book, This Phoenix Speaks , is now a reality. The tireless and tiring work invested to ma...

Laura and Oscar: Week 16

Lessons Learned

Thinking back now, I really ought to blame (I mean thank) Oscar for my shameless lack of game-playing skills. This boy instilled in me an expectation for genuine and unaffected honesty in a relationship because he accepted me as I was and loved me in his young, immature ways so perfectly. I completely believed we would be together forever. (Now just stop laughing, ok. Since growing up, I do realize that all girls thought this of their first boyfriend but that does not mean my experience was not truly authentic.)

These memories are not in perfect sequential order, yet somehow it feels good that they aren’t. As I encountered each enchanting layer of remembrance individually and unconnected, it brought with it a newfound awe and wonder, and time stood still for a few short moments. You must know--this sort of love transcends time. There is no way to put a cap on it or tie it down to one particular moment. I see now how it has been a seed of joy planted in my heart which took root and has never died because I nourished it with fond recollection and genuine heartfelt appreciation.  In hindsight, I must admit he entered my heart and never left. I recognize it as an undeniable fact I was blind to. Sometimes we can not/should not see what is hidden because it would damage our present lives too much to allow ourselves to feel into the realm of impossibility. Yet, sometimes, when time offers us a crossroads that realm is transformed into something else--something beyond description. Call it what you will.  

One challenging aspect to meeting your potential soulmate in junior high is that if you don’t stay together, you probably will take such different routes along your life paths that you will never be able to reconnect romantically again.  To love someone so deeply without the ability to do anything with it hurts, and it hurts forever.  There is genuine gladness in the other’s successes and compassion in their pain, but to never be able to touch again--like they once did--requires so much love that it must be able to consume the disappointment.  

Without a doubt,  it has been a small price to pay to have loved and been loved so well no matter how short its duration.

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