for the love of treats

I wish I didn't like treats so much. I know, I know. Some of you are gasping for air because that's something we shouldn't say out loud, but it's true.

My mother was raised by a cake baking father, and her mother's daily drink of choice was Pepsi.

My father's story is different though. He came from a time and place where treats weren't completely saturated into daily life. I'd have to say that he didn't get treats but once in a blue moon. He was raised by a single mother, and because of money issues at the time, he was too busy not starving to get sweet stuff on the regular. So when he found his success after being married to my mother, he decided to make up for lost time, I think. He kept a candy counter of sorts in his armoire next to his chair in their bedroom. Various types of candies such as black licorice (which I hate), candy bars—full size—none of this bite size nonsense, pistachios, beef jerky, and Dr. Pepper practically by the gallon.

So put my parents together, and you get me. Treat-loving me. Over the past several years, I have been working on my approach toward sweets and was really owning it, but then I decided to do this funny thing called get a divorce, and my healthy approach unraveled like there was no tomorrow. I put on almost 50 lbs. at my lowest point. Can anyone say 'emotional eater'? The past two years has been a roller coaster of getting on and off the wagon, but I'm hoping that I'm getting back to my healthy, rational self who can say no to drugs like sugar (except upon truly special occasion).

So anyway. As the divorce finally began to settle out, I began to see what I'd done to myself. And now I look back and realize how I sort of gave up on myself all while trying to fight for me too. No wonder life is still sorting itself out. That's confusing just to read, so I hope you get what I'm trying to say. It's been wonderful having a couple of supportive friends who help me see what I want to do with myself and how to get there. I believe that when trying to change something deep-seeded like a long-term habit you need people to talk to who will not judge you but give support when you need it and when you don't.

I'm pretty sure I will always enjoy a really decadent dessert, and chocolate won't ever stop being a temptation, but I want to and will find balance despite my programming.